how to stop a mom that over-reacts?

Question

my mom always vents her problems to me and in doing so i try to help her but hey, what can a teenager do? she always takes her anger out on me by threatening to go live my dad (who i loathe), and threatens to pull me out of my sport (which i have been passionate and dedicated to for 7 years strait). then she takes extremes and says i have to do everything for myself when i dont kno how to even do laundry. how can i help her because it is hurting me and making me cry more then ever!?

Answer 1

she is probably feeling overwhelmed at times. being a single mom is not easy and she probably works outside the home to put a roof over your head and then comes home to take care of you. who takes care of her? noone probably and this can be depressing at times. try to help her out a bit. don't make her tell you to clean your room. just do it and keep it clean. after school and weekends and during school breaks help out when you get up. you can do laundry it is not rocket science. ask her to show you. and if not that then at least help fold and put away. i am sure you can do dishes,vacume,dust things like that. those are all little jobs. when she has to do it all tho it adds up to a big job. on her next day off. surprise her with a plate of waffles in bed. a bowl of cereal even. ask her to teach you to cook. when you offer your help it really makes her feel good and therefore will feel less of a load on her shoulders. just try to understand that she has a huge job, if she doesn't have much money your asking for this and that could set her off too. not because you asked but because she can't give it to you even tho she wants to. don't forget some females can get very emotional certain times of the month and it gets worse as we get older. if you see this in a pattern then that could be it. just remember as a teen you can and should be doing alot to help out around the house.

Answer 2

Here the MOM is a secondary problem.YOU must not only learn fast to be self reliant but also contribute your share of work in the house.Also,remember that when a MOM narrates the tales of her woes,these mostly fall under two categories;- 1.Problems,where she wants only a sound absorption device[your ears only]to hear her woes and a shoulder to cry upon. No action required on your part except a sympathetic nod or a word or two to console.2. Listen and offer to lighten her work .Also tell her that everybody appreciates the hard work put in by her.3.Tell her and prove it by your actions that she is the best MOTHER in the world.Lastly for you.Think what you feel like but the historical fact is that of all the relations in the world,the most superior is that of a MOTHER.Accept it as soon as you can and I assure you that every body would be happier than before.

Answer 3

Start by learning to do the laundry. Mom sounds over-stressed. Offering to help around the house more shows your trying to help her. My oldest helps me enormously. Sometimes just the fact that he offered is enough. No one touches the laundry but me at my house - my rule! If she threatens your sport, get calm, don't panic. Explain that your sport means a lot, and ask how you can help her again. Nothing calms an unset Mom like a kid doing housework without being told to.

Answer 4

It sounds like she's blowing up because she's stressed, and if you are old enough to post on here then you are old enough to start taking care of yourself.
Go to her when she's calm and offer to take on some jobs, like your laundry. When I was 12 I was doing that. It's easy, and I'm sure that she would be glad to show you how. You can also vacuum, dust, even make easy dinners a couple of times a week. (Mac & Cheese, spaghetti, even frozen pizza or pot pies) Make a list of what you will take responsibility for and show her, then actually do it. She will appreciate your efforts and will be less stressed. It's hard having to do EVERYTHING to keep a family running.
You can do this! I think that it will really help both of you.

Answer 5

I'm sorry that your mother is so out of control. A healthy parent does not share personal problems with their child, as it's not healthy and it's not the rule of the child to fix the parent. A healthy parent seeks other adults for help.

I have no idea what is wrong with your mother, but all the threats by her do nothing, even if you are not listening or out of control.

Do your best, let hte rest go when you can. When she makes threats, like I'll send you to your father, she's being manipulative and I seldom use that word as all human beings manipulate in life to some degree, but she's the negative kind of manipulative.

YOU CAN'T HELP HER. You do your best to be good, to do things you know you need to be doing, being loving, but realize you CAN'T FIX HER.

One way to make it so she losses the power ove ryou she has right now, in a negative way, not a parental way. Learn to do things for yourself; then she has less areas she can manipulate you in. Learn to do laundry, it's actually simple. Ask a friend or an adult to show you how. Learn to cook the basics for yourself.

Don't argue with her when she gets this way, it's likely she's immature and that's what she wants you to do. Just say, "Mom, I love you, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I can't help you with this problem." It takes the power out of her behaviors.

If your mother is doing this on a regular basis, daily or ever few days, maybe you need to see if some adult you trust can help. She may deny it, so if you can find a way to let others hear her talking to you like that, so it can't be denied.

If you feel endangered by her, then you needt of consider calling child welfare; but don't be like some kids and lie, tell the truth and don't exaggerate. They MAY be able to court order her to take parenting classes in which she's learn better ways to communicate with you and she'd learn that adults problems shouldn't be shared with children as though they were a peer, meaning another adult; your peers are kids your age.

I wish you the best and again, I'm sorry your mother's problems are hurting you.

Answer 6

I think what you need to do is just make sure you are heard. Make your mom realize what she's doing and she'll feel bad for doing it. Ask for her time to talk, and be serious about it, when you finally do get a chance to, tell her that she should not be emotionally harassing you with threats to send you to your dad's. Explain to her how ruined you'll be if she makes you quit vaulting. And when she tells you to do something yourself, politely remind her that you don't know how to do it. If you take these approaches as passively assertive to her, she'll see that she's wrong and she'll be kinder to you next time. I liked the questions asking for you guys to get counseling, but if you tell her that, she might take offense. Learning stuff like laundry is not complicated and will be essential when you're on you own.
Have a great day!
-Sean

Answer 7

Coming from someone who has asked, not once but twice, how to break her own wrist.....

You say you are a teenager, so drop the crazy talk, learn how to do the laundry and a few other things around the house. Perhaps if your mom is less stressed the the two of you will get along better.

Answer 8

This is emotional abuse hun and shouldnt be tolerated.. But of course she is your mom and not many people turn in their parents! If you cant talk to her and she cant act like an adult, then I would suggest talking to a counselor at school maybe. Im sorry but its ridiculous. She should not be venting to you about her stresses and grown up problems! What does she want you to do exactly to fix her problems?? I mean why would she punish you because you dont want to listen...beyond extreme....If you really want help hun, talk to a counselor if you cant work out something with your mom. She sounds really childish to be putting you through this and you dont have to put up with it...best luck

Answer 9

I feel your pain. maybe you should seek counseling for her. If your folks are divorced, there is your problem. she has always had yr. dad there to fall back on and now that he is gone you are there. try and stay out of her way by doing little odds and ends @ home, like picking up after yourself, or washing the dishes sometimes. iam sure she is feeling the pressure and vents out her anger on you, because you are the closet to her. try and be her friend and see what happens.

Answer 10

Talk. its the best form of expressing how you feel. and if you cant do that write a letter to your mom explaining how you feel. Does she know that she hurts you? My friend has the same problem and i encourage her to go talk to a trusted adult. Like a teacher or a friends mom. If you talk to your school counsler they could refer you to a psychologist, most of the times they even refer you to a free one or one where they have low costs. i relly hope this helps