Okay my mom and I have never been very close, I always felt my mom didn't "like" me and she always showed my brother more attention. Even other members of the family and friends of the family say this too. She and my brother and their "families" both live in another state I see them maybe once a year or so She doesn't hardly ever call maybe once a month or if I call or email her but has a lot of money to send on B-days and ect. She doesn't know my kids very well, but showers my brother's with all kinds of stuff. We are all planning a trip together this year and she is paying most of it, which I told her she didn't have to do. I want to go, but can't get over the feelings of how we will be treated compared to my brother and his kids. I know this sounds selfish, but it has always bothered me. I have tried so hard to get closer with but it is like a wall is up with her, but tired of trying. What to do? Ideas?
She left my dad when I was a teen and moved away with my brother only.
2007-06-18 16:11:20 · 3 answers · asked by Daisymay3 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It sounds as though the combined family trip will only be grief for you and probably not too good for your children either. Best way to get to know your mother and for her to have a chance to know your children would be to take a trip with her without your brother and family!!! If I were in your place, I'd not go on this trip; but would invite her to visit you, or to go on a separate trip with your own children. That had to have been heart-breaking when she left you as a teenager and I sure wouldn't open myself to more grief and resentment. IF she is interested in getting to know you and your children better, she will respond to your invitation--or invite you to her home. Someone wrote that we go through chiildhood and then spend the rest of our lives trying to get over it!! Believe me, you are NOT selfish--just perceptive. Some moms just go crazy over their sons, too. Good luck and be kind to yourself!!
2007-06-18 16:41:34 · answer #1 · answered by Martell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you do will ever change your mother's unfortunate behavior. There's nothing that hurts so much as a mother who WILL NOT LOVE her kids. So, that's how it is and you have to live with that fact.
You need to evaluate her behavior toward YOU, and not in comparison to her relationship with your brother.
You have to make a decision:
Either you let the past go, quit competing with your brother, and decide she is still a valuable person in the lives of your kids (do they love their grandma or does she hurt their feelings?) and you go on vacation for your kids sake and not expect anything from her;
OR
You decide that she really inflicts pain and abuse on you and your kids and you cut ties with her. Just remember that it has to be actually something she does to you that is bad - that would be just as painful if you didn't have a brother to compare yourself with.
You might benefit from some good professional counseling.
2007-06-18 23:39:34 · answer #2 · answered by Tangerine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should talk to your mum about how you feel.Be open and honest.Tell her that you would like to have a close relationship.
2007-06-18 23:16:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋