AHH!!! What should i do?

Question

So I am 26 weeks pregnant and recently have been talking to the dad of my baby, and hes been having a rough week because his best friend from high school was just murdered. Well tonight I asked if there was anything i could do to help and he just wanted me to talk to him so i did. Everything seemed normal and then he started talking about us. He said he missed me and wanted to be with me and he loved me so much, and part of me wants to belive him, but when we were together he would verbally abuse me, never took me anywhere, just used me for sex. i dont know what to believe. I told him that for me to be with him he would have to make some major changes and I didn't want to be the one to force him to do that. I would love for him to be a great guy and us to be together especially for our son, but I just dont think he can be a good guy. I just dont know. What should i do?

Answer 1

wow that's a toughie. I would try to give him a second chance, and if he doesn't change, leave his butt.

Answer 2

Wow. Well, I'm a tenth grader now and last year we learned about dating abuse in health. Statistics show that dating abuse starts off with just verbal abuse and gradually gets worse. It also shows that only 2% of men that do abuse their girlfriend or wife change for the good. I know that you want him to be there for you and your son, but I think that your best bet would be to leave him. If he gets worse then it wont be safe for you or your unborn son. I know that you might not want to listen to a tenth grader but I have a friend that had an abusive boyfriend and all he wanted from her was sex. She said no way and he left. He verbally abused her also. He got worse too.

Answer 3

You're guy sounds like he hangs out with a bad crowd, has a bad attitude and in no way understands you. Let me tell ya how this works, for him to be a good guy he needs to turn his entire life around and become a person not a hooligan. Believe me if you take him back he'll be wonderful for a while then he'll go back to his same old bad habits, I don't think you want your son to hear his dad verbally abusing his mom, What sort of man would this child become? What sort of life would you be living? Think about it then decide what's best for you and the child.

Answer 4

Please be careful...First of all, he's going thru a very rough emotional time w/the loss of his friend. Grief can do a lot to us & touch us in many different ways. So be careful of his emotional state at this time. I just went thru a loss of my 14 yr. old granddaughter, so I KNOW too well what grief can do. Secondly, remember, he is still the same person he was before as far as his personality goes. We both know he's going thru a highly emotional state rite now & his feelings are very "tender". I'm sure his intentions are meant well & he's being honest in the way he feels, BUT, if there was ANY KIND of abuse before, that it still is there inside him. Regardless of what he wants or feels, it's still there. So PLEASE think hard & remember who he was before, no matter how hard you would like him to change, YOU CAN'T DO IT. Wishing won't do it. It's NOT going to happen over nite. Abusive people are like that due to some kind of an underlying reason. It w/take professional help to get to the root of his actions. You sure don't want to get involved w/that again, especially w/a new baby. You would be in a worse predicament than you were before when there was only you involved. Don't subject a baby or a child to that or let your son grow up in that kind of an atmosphere. Follow your mind's tho'ts w/the facts. Of course you'd want to be w/him, but at what price?! And again, you're rite, YOU can't force him to change. He has to want to & has to work on it hard. It's NOT going to happen over nite either. Promises mean nothing, actions speak louder than words. PLEASE choose wisely as I truly believe you w/do. Especially w/a baby on the way. I'm speaking from experience & I KNOW what I'm saying to be true. I do wish you all the best... Think it over intelligently, as that's the kind of person you impress me as being. All the best to you & the baby.

Answer 5

It's a good idea to pursue an polite and respectful friendship with your son's father, if he can manage it. You seem concerned that he can't, which is a really good reason to not get involved in a romantic relationship with him again. He sounds like he's going through a rough patch and could use a good friend... be that for him, not his lover, mother, or wife... and see how he treats you then. You'll have nothing to lose, because he lost the chance to share that special part of you.

Answer 6

That is a tough one. It is really hard to just give advice when there are so many factors involved, but JUST based on what you said, I would say keep your distance for now. He is obviously volatile, especially now with the tragic news of his friend getting killed. His emotions are probably all over the place right now, and judging from your past history with him, and for the sake of your baby, I would say not to take him back. Plus with his history of abuse, (NOT that people can't make changes in their life if they truly want to) would you really want to risk possibly going back to the way things were with him? I would say first see if he has made some changes in his life and is going to change the way he treats you, and then consider a relationship with him.

Answer 7

Have your son and keep stepin. If he was verbally abusive and played you for sex. He's comin to the table with alot of drama. find someone esle who already has the personality traits you are seeking like someone who is kind to you and desires your company, works on a daily basis, never uses bad language, and one who cant wait to inhale your exhale. This guy has already been given permission by you to treat your badly and hasn't really suffered any consequences. Don't put yourself in a situation where you have you son and you're with this guy who is not only verbally abusing you but he has graduated to physical abuse. Honestly, he sounds horney and wants a steady piece he doesn't have to work for. There is alot work and hard ache involved in gettin this BOY to mature, let him be someone else's headache.

Answer 8

Sounds like you're right to be wary. He's under a lot of emotional stress right now -- I'd just chalk up his babbling to that, and not hold him to it. Once the shock of his friend's death wears off, he'll probably slide back into his old habits.

On the other hand, depending on the circumstances, this may have been the wake-up call he needed to get his head on straight.

I say he needs a "probation period" before any long-term commitments were made. If he can clean up his act, then maybe he deserves a chance. Big "if", but it's up to you.

Answer 9

I wouldn't dive right into it. Odds are he's chasing you again for "feel-better" sex or for pity. From a guy's perspective, pity usually works... it gets girls to notice us. (I'd know, I've used it.) But sympathy isn't good to build a relationship on, because of two things... 1.) the guy is using you to regain his confidence, and once he feels better, you're out the door. Or 2.) He'll sit around and mope, on the "Hey, if it worked the first time, why won't it work again?" mentality.

Your best bet is to just leave him. I hate to say it, given your situation, but I honestly believe that's the best move.

Answer 10

Tell him to make changes again. If he doesn't listen, tell him all the bad things that he has done to you. Tell him that you have a baby coming and that he would help you take care of the baby. Talk to him more andbe nice to him... maybe he's doing drugs.. you never know. He might be drinking alcohol... alcohol changes someones attitude and behavior. Make sure he's not drinking.

Answer 11

He's feeling sentimental and vulnerable right now. Don't take a chance with your heart and dignity by going back to someone who verbally abused you (verbal abuse leads to emotional and physical). If you think he's sincere, make him work for your trust and respect.