Do you think it's tacky to have a cash bar (i.e. people have to pay for their drinks) at a wedding reception?

Question

Got into a massive row at work about this today.

My position is that if you have a wedding and expect your guests to arrive with money and gifts for you and your new spouse, then you should at least have the decency to provide complimentary drinks -- ie, an open bar -- at the reception.

Your friends travel from far and wide to an event that you are hosting and to honour you and bring you gifts, and then you turn around and make them pay for their drinks???

Sorry, that is very, very tacky.

If you can't afford to throw a proper wedding, then don't. Get a judge/magistrate to do it.

Your thoughts?

Answer 1

I think it's quite the norm to have a cash bar these days - shame but there it is.

Answer 2

In your country a lot of Weddings receptions are at the home, in which case the booze should be free.
In the UK, most receptions are at a Hall/Club/Restaurant where there is a pay bar anyway. We normally supply the wine and Champers for the main afternoon meal, a complimentary drink (Maybe a Bucks Fizz or a Pimms) for all on arrival too.
For the evening dance, a free drink on arrival and a buffet, the rest is pay as you go.
As the other poster says, if you really can afford it, the bar would be free, but most people cannot and therfore do not expect it.

Mind you, in the UK, "Free Bar" means it is compulsory to drink 4 times your body mass in alcohol.

Answer 3

You are 100% correct. It's very, very tacky and makes the hosts (if you can really call them that) look cheap. If you invite someone to an event, you are expected to provide the refreshments. If can't afford to do so, the only options are to either scale back the guest list so there aren't as many people to serve, or scale back the refreshments to meet your budget.

Having a cash bar is an etiquette crime, absolutely.

Answer 4

Just because you can't afford an open bar at your wedding, doesn't mean you shouldn't have any booze and certainly doesn't mean you should go to the justice of the peace and not have a bigger wedding. Some people (hosts or guests) don't drink, but know there are guests who would like to partake so they provide it there but not at their expense. I'm sure there are people that go to weddings just for the free booze. No one HAS to provide free alcohol or any for that matter at their reception. Open bars are expensive, at the least they will probably provide wine with a meal and champagne. Ultimately, it's their wedding, it's their choice, and it's their money. I'm sure on the list of expenses booze is quite a ways down after rings, dress, reception place, cake, food, photographs, music, hair and make-up and so on. So maybe after all that there is no $$$$ left to get guests smashed for free.

If they don't want to pay for the drinks, they don't have to buy them. Staying sober for a few hours won't kill anyone.

I've been to weddings where there are cash bars. It didn't bother me. And if I can recall, the one you only had to pay, before the bride and groom got there, before the reception started?, or it was a certain number of hours the bar was open. And also it is usually stated on the reception notice...ie: "reception immediately following wedding service at [location] from [hours] and it probably states whether there is food and open or cash bar. Right?? Maybe it is a deterent so no one gets smashed and ruins the reception. You still tip the bartender at an open bar, and if you're there to spend time with your hosts and to honor them, that is what it is about. Your love and support for them as a new couple starting their life together, not free alcohol.

Since when is alcohol part of a "proper" wedding? Isn't it about vows & commitment, and two people becoming one... starting their life together, and their loved ones being there for & with them to show support & to celebrate??

Answer 5

I attending a wedding last summer where beer and wine were paid for by the bride and groom, but cocktails were cash bar. Considering the cost of booze and the way some people drink I saw no problem. They could have very well had to use all their cash gift just to pay a bar bill.

Answer 6

Most people cannot afford to have an open bar at a wedding reception,the best thing to do really is to offer the first three drinks free and then everyone pays for their own...there's no way anyone could afford an open bar unless they were extremely well off...and some people would take advantage...and go home with a crate or two of whisky in the boot of their car...no open bar unless you're Paul McCartney...!

Answer 7

A wedding is the most expensive bash you will hold. Drinks are expensive, and people can get greedy. You should have complementary drinks at the dinner, with wine or soft drinks at the tables, and if anyone wants vodka, whishy, etc, and the wine runs out, they can buy their own!

Also people invited to the evening only should buy their drinks.

If it is only a very small wedding with close family and friends, you could leave a float behind the bar, and when it runs out, people buy their own.

If someone is daft enough to marry you, I'd like you see you pay for all the drinks, as you will no doubt make the numbers up for all the presents!

Answer 8

Don't know where you are from but in Ireland your wedding starts about 12pm and lasts until 3am. The bride & groom or bride's parents pay for the reception. This is usually a 5 course meal, with wine and then the hotel bar is opened for business. This meal would be served at about 5 - 6pm and then at 10.30 - 11pm there would be a evening reception. This would be a finger buffet with tea or coffee.
It would be very rare that there would be a complimetary bar all evening.

Answer 9

No i do not think it is tacky. I am getting married in 3 weeks, and will provide champainge with the meal along with a keg of beer afterwards. There will also be punch and coffee or tea for those that don't drink or for the children. For the guests that want something else, they can buy their own. I am getting married by the justice of the peace in a park. We are paying for everything ourselves, our parents are not helping us out, and even if they were, they are not rich either. We are having our reception in a local bar, and you cannot bring in your own booze. If some think this is tacky, ohhhh well. This is how we are doing it.

Answer 10

I agree completely. We had an open bar at our wedding, plus champagne, red and white wine at all the dinner tables. We did close down the bar during dinner, which was only for about one hour.

We provided our own liquor. I shopped for months, I even went out of state to get some of it, and I was confident that I got the best price that I could on all the liquors. Overall, it was kind of expensive, but there were other aspects of our wedding that were far more expensive.

I don't like cash bars at all. Worse though, is going to a wedding and not knowing that it will be a cash bar ... and not having enough cash on hand for more than one drink!

Answer 11

yes, i think it's tacky. if you can't afford the drinks don't have them. or cut back somewhere else if you really want to have a bar. a friend of mine had an open bar until 9pm then you had to pay. i thought that was fine.

ADD ON: deadmeat, i paid for my own wedding and had an open bar. we're young and decided that an open bar was something that we really wanted so cut costs on other things (i got an inexpensive dress, my hubby wore a shirt and tie that he already owned, we found a photographer who was just starting out and wanted to beef up her portfolio so charged next to nothing, etc.) so don't go saying that people who think it's tacky didn't have to pay for it!