toddlers lack of routine/sleep?

Question

help! my daughter is 17 months old and hasnt got any sort of routine, no matter how hard i try! she ia active constantly throughout the day and goes to bed beetween 10pm and midnight, she also drinks 9 oz of water and 2 or 3 bottles of milk (6oz) a night, ive tried not giving it to her but she just grizzles and u cant sleep through it! her wake up time is very varied and she doesnt have a nap every day. ive tried the whole bath,milk routine but nothing works! please help as it is causing a lot of problems between me and my partner! rebecca x

Answer 1

Water only when she wakes at night, & if she's grizzly wait it out, don't go to her, it will take a week tops for her to start sleeping through the night & what's one week???

Answer 2

I know this is hard but guarenteed to work ....
when you have the energy and only when you know that you can cope with a strech of 2 weeks hard work (ask someone to help you during the day so you can sleep)
One bottle in the morning in your bed while you "chat" try and set a time say between 6-7 or 7-8 that suits your family to wake up then have fun play breakfast everyday at around the same time cereal etc say between 7-8 or 8-9 more fun and play til snack fruit and water or something at say 11 play more fun a walk trip to the park or whatever suits your family
Say 12.30 1 o'clock lunch served with water afternoon more fun sure you get the picture a snack again served with water then say 5-6 dinner try and eat with her if you normally eat with your partner if he is home later then just have some chopped apple a snadwich just something but sit down with her it is teaching her how to communicate (chatting with mummy over meals) and also basic table manners (the mantra lead by example) - remember she is slowly out growing day time naps so when she seems tired during the day put her down no longer than 1 hour and when she dosnt don't
Then come the tough part some more play and say you set the bedtime for 7.30....
45 min before Turn of the TV or radio if its on....Tidy away her toys she will love helping with that as she gets older, give her a bath (if you have the energy dont skip too often) after bath you speak in a calm relaxing not quite whisper sing song voice get out a book and sit in her bedroom and read quietly to her then time for ONE bottle put her down with a teddy a soft book etc not too many kiss her and leave the room closing the door
then the screaming starts after 10 min go in dont pick her up give her a gentle kiss say time for bed get her to lie down and leave then after 15 min then 20min and stick to 20min
first night you will do this a hundred times next night 50 then 15 then 20 then 10 but slowely no longer than two weeks she will stop but tyhe secret is DO NOT GIVE IN JUST ONCE and that is why I said make sure that you have the energy
Good luck and keep us posted on how you are doing

Laura C NO TV IN A CHILDS BEDROOM

Answer 3

I went through this with my own. I suggest getting her up early in the morning, and a nap a few hours later, if she does nap make sure it's no more than 2 hours, and not too late in the afternoon. My kids get up around 7:30-8 and my youngest naps from 12:30-2:30, if he doesn't get up at 2:30, I will wake him.They get plenty of sleep 12-14 hours. My kids go to bed at 8 every night, no exceptions. Hopefully your baby doesn't climb out of her crib yet. But if she does and constantly is getting out of bed, put a baby gate at the door, make sure all lights are off except a night light in her room, tv (anything that makes noise) should be off also, and you and your partner "head off to the bedroom" so she gets the idea to sleep. I love spending a few hours everynight with my hubby. I hope that you can get this issue resolved. Remember you're the boss and let her know. It might take a week, but a week will be worth within no time. Just be stiff at first and don't give in. Good Luck!

Answer 4

at 17 months old your daughter should be eating three meals a day like you do with a healthy snack inbetween. My 16 month old eats what we do when we do. We had a hard time with putting him in a toddler bed but it took about a week of him screaming his head off for about the first 15 mintues of each night. Once he goes to sleep at 7 every night he is out the whole night till we wake him up at 6 am. He still tends to take two naps a day one early in the morning and a longer one in the afternoon. And let me tell you if we get off that he is very very very evil. We plan our days around nap times to make sure he gets enough rest and eats the way he needs to. It did not take him long to pick it up once he saw we would not be coming back. You might want to wear her out too right before bed.It seems he does better after he plays hard right before bed.

Answer 5

Rebecca try this for a week:

First of all you are mum she is baby, let her know who is boss.
Get her into some sort of toddler group, nursery whatever in the mornings.
At tea time tell her that she is going to have a bath after tea, then she will watch bedtime hour (Cbeebies) and then it is time for bed. Make sure she eats a good tea.
Put the bedtime bath in her bathtime water and keep her in for 20 mins. Repeat that after bedtime hour she is going to bed.
While you watch bedtime hour remind her a few times she is going to bed after it, give her a good drink of milk and a snack.
As soon as bedtime hour finishes, change her nappy and put her in bed.
If she tries to get out of the room hold the handle closed and let her have a good old tantrum. You could be stood there two hours the first night so get a good book.
Once she is asleep if she wakes in the night, ignore her, if she comes out the room, put her back in and again hold the door closed.
In the morning get her out of bed at 7am even if she protests.

You should see after 3 nights that she is sleeping better and earlier. If you don't then you need to speak to your Health Visitor because it could be a behavioural problem causing it. I have two children with autism and if we sleep 4 hours a night it is bliss, but I know this method works for getting children with sleep problems to sleep. It works by combining instruction to give the child safety, with ignore to discourage behaviour you do not want. And it works on both my children but it takes a lot of time.
As parents you need to ensure you are not adding to a feeling of insecurity she may have by arguing to she can hear you. I know this is hard, but you both need to make this effort. You need to support one another in this next few days and after that you should get some real quality time together.

Good luck

Answer 6

I'm in agreement with the nanny/nursery nurse but thought i'd add a couple of ideas. Going cold turkey on her will be harder on you than on her. You MUST have your partner's full support. It's for the good of your relationship so he should be supportive but if he's going to put doubts in your head it would be best if he went out - you're going to need every ounce of resolve you've got. To start off with she will become extremely angry and upset because she's not getting her own way. This is not going to do her any harm but when your daughter cries that hard it's very difficult not to go and comfort her. If you know she is safe in her cot (just angry) I would suggest walking round your garden (if you have one) for a few minutes before checking on her again. It will be hard to start off with and for the first couple of nights you might not see any progress but they pick it up very quickly an it should all fall into place after a few days. Bear in mind that the success of this technique usually depends on the determination of the parents to take control. Once you start you MUST see it through.
Good luck!!!

Answer 7

The only thing that I can say is that you have to get your own head round a routine. Plan a routine that suits you and that makes your day calm and relaxed. Stick to it and make your daughter fall in to line with it. Given time that routine will be absolutely essential to your very existance and god forbid anyone who interferes with it!
Honestly, it really is just perserverance that will get you there. Also speak to your local health visitor service about your daughters evening diet - it might be that you need to feed her more on that last meal of the day. At that age she should be on 3 meals a day now, so try and work round that and fit it in around your own diet - I have always (and still do) eat with my daughter at 5pm and not with my husband when he comes home. That way it can be more relaxed with her and I can make sure that she is eating what has been put in front of her.
Good luck with it - I'm sure it will just suddenly click.

Answer 8

You need to set up a routine and stick to it - no matter how hard it is to begin with.

For the night bottle I was going to suggest water instead of milk but you've done this! The last night feed my eldest had was when I gave him water instead - he took a couple of great gulps before he realised and that was the last time he ever woke up.

It's quite a lot of night time liquid, especially if she's going down so late - does she drink that much in the same length of time during the day?

Cut out one of her night feeds regardless of her reaction and wean her off them one by one over the next couple of weeks. She doesn't need it but it's a habit for her and it's only you that can get her out of it. Try weaning her off the bottle and onto a cup too as she's old enough now and if she's less familiar with the bottle then she might not seek it as much.

You really do need to get her to bed earlier (personal opinion) not just for her sake but for yours too. Every parent needs time to relax at night and recharge the batteries and that's impossible with her bedtime! So stick with it - aim for a time and regardless of what's going on or whether it's a lovely evening and too nice to go in - stick with it so she knows that you're in charge and that bedtime means bed. And make sure you work together with your partner. There's no point in just one of trying to make it work. She needs to know that you both mean business and there's no easy get out clause with the other parent. Bath, feed, brush teeth, bed -stick to that order and time and she will get used to things being different.
It's not easy ignoring them when they're crying - but you know she's fed, clean, and safe when she goes down to her cot and she can't come to any harm so try to distance yourself from her, give her as little attention as you can when she goes to bed and eventually the penny will drop and she'll get into the way of things. Once the night time sleeps are better then the day naps might fall into place too so life will be better settled all round.

Is ther a lot going on that keeps her so active and alert? Try to limit the amount of distractions coming to bedtime so she gets time to calm down and relax. You know yourself if you're busy and excited - the last thing you can do is sleep!

Also, maybe you could try a solid supper instead of a bottle. Maybe needing something more filling to keep her going through the night. Custard or readybrek were favourites with my boys at that age and it still meant they were getting a good serving of milk.

Answer 9

I think Laura's suggestion of a DVD in her room is really ridiculous and you would really be setting yourself up for problems later on..as she need to learn to get her self to sleep... Keep doing all the routine stuff, tea, bath, milk, story, cuddle, then leave the room, don't give up on this and although it is unbelievably hard don't give in and enter her room,(unless she becomes really distressed then go back in and give her a reassuring kiss but do not lift her up or talk to her then leave again, you may have to do this several times) at the moment she knows you are going to come back,, they are so clever she is playing you,. i promise after a few nights and maybe a few tears from you (from outside her room) she will learn that it is getting her nowhere, she will settle down.. if she wakes in night keep everything really low key... no lights, and defo. no talking to her give her a reassuring hug and only water then leave again, she will cry but it will be worth it, i wish you lots of luck it is so hard but think of the future and a good routine now will carry on for years and make your life much easier....

Answer 10

Right now she is running your life.
It's gonna be hard to do, but, your going to have to make her get into some kind of rutine.
What kind of FOOD are you giving her, you've mentioned bottles, but, not Food.
She's old enough to start eating soft foods. Just make sure they are small bites, and watch her the entire time, incase she starts to choke.
Feed her the same time you eat dinner.
Make her up a blow of cereal about 9:30 before bed time.
You can buy BABY CEREAL where they sell the babyfood.
You can mix it with Fruit juice, usually Apple juice works best.
Her belly should be full and she should sleep.

Answer 11

My suggestion as a nanny, and a qualified nursery nurse...

go cold turkey on her. obviously I am not judging you or your partner because I have no idea of your situation in detail... I would suggest. bath with lavender oils in it, bed with a cushtie bear that has lavender in it that you can warm up. then i would just leaver her in her bed. i would leave the door open so that you can check on her to make sure her foot is not caught in the cot or anything like that, but making sure she cannot see you. i would then persist for 5 nights, no matter how much she cries and winges, as long as she is not hurt leave her, it won't hurt her to cry herself to sleep. please warn your neighbours before you decide to do this, let them know that for the next 5 nights she may cry and scream and let them in on your plans so that they are aware and can support you. if the crying is keeping you up then I would suggest trying to have a friend over for an hour or two each of the following days to take your child out to the park while you catch up on lost sleep. i realise that going cold turkey and lack of sleep can be very hard to deal with, especially if you and/or your partner are working. I feel cold turkey is the best way to approach it though. I feel it's worth the one week of sleeplessness to aid a good few years of good sleeping habits.