We think our friend gives stolen gifts - what to do?

Question

A friend of ours has a troubled background (drugs, alcohol) and is a single mother of two with no education beyond high school. She is very generous on holidays and gives people things like Oakleys, iPods, camping sets, etc. Stuff that's really expensive.

We're pretty sure she's stealing it. How can we ask her/tell her she doesn't have to impress us with this stuff?

I don't just mean during "the holidays." She'll give an expensive gift for every occasion - birthday, Mother's Day, Father's Day, child's baptism, etc.

Also, there is very rarely and "exchange" involved. She just gives and gives.

And for all the idiots saying this is the type of friend they want: be careful what you wish for. Having a friend addicted to drugs is nothing fun.

Answer 1

I wouldn't talk about the stealing thing - thatwill just cause problems. I would set up a conversation when you're all together talking about the best presents you have ever had, and all of you say "I loved it when my son/daughter/partner/sister etc. MADE me a present" or bought me something really small, cheap but really meaningful. Hopefully, she'll get the message.

Answer 2

Oh how horrible. I don't really know what to say except before Christmas tell her you need to put a $ limit on the gifts since it has gotten out of hand. Then you can carry this over into other gift giving occasions.

Good luck you must be worried sick about her getting caught.

Answer 3

Around the holidays or something, talk about the true meaning of christmas, or thanksgiving, or whatever holiday it might be. Even if it's your birthday, mention briefly how the best gift is just having your good friends around. However, since you don't have full proof of her stealing them,(although I would agree with you) don't tell her that you think that, unless you can prove it.

Answer 4

Good question.

Soon, way before the holidays, talk with her and tell her that you would prefer that this year you would prefer that there would be no gift exchange. If she protests, tell her that you are not comfortable with receiving such extravagent gifts and would prefer to curtail the gift giving from now on. Tell her that you would rather she spend the money on her children or put the money in an account for her children, or use the money to help out a charity.

Good luck.

Answer 5

aside from sitting her down and confronting her, you can try mentioning a favorite charity and suggesting that everyone who would normally give material things at the holidays should instead donate to the charity in your name. also, mention how you're trying to get rid of things in your house and that you dont want more coming in. drop hints that you do not want her giving you things. also, this may sound mean, but give her cheap little gifts and hope she feels that she should give you a gift of equal value (as opposed to something superexpensive). as for what she does with others, like i said, unless you want to confront her or you catch her stealing, theres not much you can do.

Answer 6

Wow why stay Friends with an uneducated mother with a drug problem.Maybe she really just wants Friends that she knows are good people.Talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel as soon as possible.Tell her everything you know and she will understand...Thanks for 2.

Answer 7

before the holidays or gift-giving occasion, get with your friend and suggest a $$ limit on gifts

don't tell her that you think she's stealing!! maybe she's just really thrifty with her money .... always give the benefit of the doubt

Answer 8

Tell her that you want to put a spending limit on the gift exchange between the two of you.

Answer 9

To me it seems you took a big leap here -- I mean assuming someone is a theif is a really big assumption.

However you could talk to her about the cost of the times and suggest a spending LIMIT.

Answer 10

Give her a fake smile in return .