My husband and I have just one daughter and do not want more kids.?

Question

How can I give our 'only child' a life to where she in not lonely? I feel guilty about this but we do not want another child and refuse to bring another into this world to please everyone else! Please give me tips and advice....positive tips and advice that is! Thanks so much!

Our daughter is 8 years old!

Answer 1

i know exactly how you feel, i am an only child and i have a 3yr old, and we do not want any more children. people have made me feel very guilty too, to the point where i was going to try and have another. everyone told me she would be very lonely, and that it would be easier to have two so that they could entertain each other. but i have not and will not give in, i associate her with all her friends, we have tea parties, and swim parties, and another thing is we have family time, we play games, play sports, and crafts, we do all sorts of things together as a family. i cant wait to have sleepovers and bring some friends camping with us. now with your daughter being 8 there is so much you can do with her, does she like to cook or bake, hike, board games? i have learned kids need their parents attention, time, and love. they can have all the siblings and friends in the world but a kid with a good parent, that is what makes them happy.

Answer 2

We live in a social world, your daughter doesn't have to have a sib to be happy. I married an only child who is normal in all respects and we have an only child who is outgoing, happy, interesting and in all ways wonderful. Certainly not lonely.
My son has been going to day schools from a young age and also does everything with my husband & I. He's a little guy, but very well adjusted.
Why do you feel guilty? That's what I'd concentrate on. Figure out why you feel guilty and go from there. I bet your daughter will be a happy kid, even as an only child. Millions of others are, too.
Good luck

Answer 3

Hi. You're child will not be lonely at all. There's mother and toddler groups that she can interact with other kids, playschool, nursery and school. When I had my daughter I didn't want anymore children and was called selfish and that my child would be all alone. It's total crap! I have since reconsidered and would like to have one more child but not from the pressure of other people! It was my own choice. If you are happy with one child then stuff the lot of them. If you are worried that your child will feel a little lonely later on then just participate in lots of activities where other children her age will be there too. Don't let other peoples opinions make you doubt your decision. I'm sure you're a great person and you shouldn't be made to feel otherwise xx

Answer 4

I have three kids but my son's best friend is an only child. Her mom makes sure she has plenty of friends over to the house for the day or for overnighters. Also, this girl is very athletic and plays on a couple of sports teams. Lastly, many times when they go out as a family for dinner, to an amusement park and even on vacation, the girl gets to choose a friend to invite. She was just over here two weeks ago and our house was jam packed with kids. She made a comment about how fun it was so I asked if she ever wished she had siblings. She said No! And explained that she gets to be the spoiled only child (although she certainly isn't spoiled in behavior) and gets to have a lot of siblings (friends) that go home before there are any fights! BTW, she is 11 years old now.

Answer 5

I was an only child and have no memories of being lonely - I made lots of friends, I loved reading and swimming - could be both solitary occupations but belonged to a swimming club.
My daughter was also an "only", and she has just said that she doesn't feel she missed out on anything.
We both reckon that there were great advantages in being single kids - our undivided parental attention and support for a start. Single kids are inclined to develop educationally and socially at a faster rate - perhaps because of the adult company. They may not be so adept at socialising with their peers, but you can't have it all.
Why do people feel it necessary to suggest that couples have children in the first place, then how many they should have, based only on their own choices?
Don't feel guilty - it's difficult and expensive enough bringing up one if you are going to do a proper job.

Answer 6

She is a lucky little girl to get to spend lots of time with her parents. Mostly I'd say just let her be a kid. If she has friends and plays with other kids both at school and in the neighborhood, then she isn't lonely.
I have a 5 year old child who is my only child, but she has a half-brother and step-sister who live with her dad whom she sees on the weekends. Most of the time she ends up saying that she wishes she were home so she could play with her friends and be in her own room.
You are doing fine - don't worry, I'm sure she is a well-adjusted child and you are a great mom!

Answer 7

There's nothing wrong with being an only child, but I do see a difference in only children. It has been proven that the sibling relationship is the strongest relationship you'll ever have (even stronger than a spouse).

Having a sibling teaches you:

1. That the world doesn't revolve around you
2. Forgiveness (over and over again)
3. Compassion
4. Tolerance
5. love (like no other)
6. respect
7. Bonding (like no other)
8. Sharing/Giving

It's not about pleasing everyone else, it's about what's best for your child. Look at all she would be missing.

Answer 8

I'm sure you can give your daughter a good life being an only child. In many ways, life can be easier for an only child without a sibling to fight with day and night (most siblings do fight). It means they get your full attention all the time, and you have more money to afford the things they need.

Make sure you let her have friends round as often as possible, so she has playmates at home, or let her go round to other friends' houses. She could make plenty of friends by joining clubs and learning new skills outside of school, too.

Don't feel guilty. You have your reasons for stopping at one child, and it's nobody's business but yours. Your daughter will be happy in a loving home with parents who adore her. As long as you can give her this, she will be happy.

Answer 9

To start with well done for thinking about the impact of having another child on your family as a whole. Families come in all shapes and sizes and the greatest single factor on a child's development is parenting style rather than the influence of siblings (though of course one is bound to the other as parents respond to siblings differently - we have all heard of middle child syndrome). As long as you engage with your daughter, don't pander to her or spoil her, encourage her to be sociable and allow her to be independent while feeling safe she will be fine. She may look back at her childhood with a 'what if' but then we all do, there are plenty of kids who resent the presence of siblings. As she develops a balanced adult appreciation of these things she will recognise that there are trade offs both to being an only child and to having siblings.

Answer 10

I think this is about upbringing, not the quantity of children. My daughter is almost the same age, she's no more bored/lonely than children with siblings. She gets playtime afterschool in daycare, she's in a sport, we have friends who have children she plays with from time to time. As far as when you're home, my daughter draws, reads, plays, and watches videos on her own, and with me we play, cook, clean, etc- she's very rarely actually alone. If she has good social skills and a decent self-esteem, loneliness won't be a significant problem for her.

If she's experiencing that now, I would suggest enrolling her in an afterschool activity where she can make friends outside of school, and providing her with time to play with those children, or strange children in the park, or girls from class. I would also encourage her to make a mental list of things she likes to do at home, and just check that list for something to do when she's bored - that way you don't become her dedicated 24/7 playmate.