help with my 8 year old daughter........?

Question

she yells all the time at me and her brothers and sister, she is flat out mean to them. she corrects everthing i say or disagrees with everything i say. i have grounded her, made her stand in the corner, taken stuff away, what else can i do? help please!! also she listens to her dad and never yells at him or disagrees with him just me and he works all day.i just stopped working a month ago to be a stay home mom. any suggestions will help!!! thanks everyone

her dad is strict with her! she does not get away with anything with him. i have spanked her befor and she eather will laugh at me or scream bloody murder and we live in an apartment so if she screams i feel bad for the neighbers. keep up the answers though they are very helpful

Answer 1

I agree with everyone else! There is definitely a difference between child abuse and "old fashioned" discipline. There will come a point though where "spanking" just won't work! Usually it happens at about 10 years old. But definitely it can help in certain situations. Really though if you think about it in terms of generations, I can see how this whole "non spanking/non bullying" has effected kids. It sets them up for a fall when the real world hits! Seeing as that you just stopped working, she's more than likely testing her limits with you as well. I highly doubt she reacted the same way with the caregiver that was around while you were at work. In the same token, she's "daddy's princess", most girls are; so he's probably not seen as the disciplinarian which is why she's more cooperative with him! Question authority - make sense? First off I would probably try to have a genuine conversation with her about how she's making you feel. She's really getting to that point to where she's feeling as if her opinion matters more. Obviously, right!? LOL! And secondly, don't let her get the better of you! YOU are the parent! If she's trying to rile you up, and the stress is building; give yourself a time out and then re-address the situation with her. Hope I've been some help!! Gotta luv kids at times! ;P

Answer 2

As much as I'm sure you are tired of hearing about it. A good ol' fahioned spanking is what she needs. Tell her, if you keep acting like you are I will spank you, the minute she back mouths you. DO IT! Do it so she remembers! No more warnings after that. Just Spank as soon as she does it again. And like the others say don't go over board!!! She is your baby and she needs you, and the only way you can show her you mean what you say is to show her tough love. My mother has 3 kids and we were bad and when I say bad I mean B-A-D! My mom stopped letting dad handle it and started doing the punishing on her own and we eventually listened. She'd spank us with her hand, belts, hangers, shoes, you name it. It took a lot of red butts but we eventually got the picture. Keep it up it will work out in the end. Remember under all that rudness she still loves you, even if she says she doesnt'!

Answer 3

Just treat her the way she is treating you. When she ask you for something, yell at her about it. Of course I mean for a short time only, let her see and feel, how she treats other people, sometimes kids have to experience it themselves. I also tell my children, "I don't speak to rude little girls, when you can be nice and talk to me nicely you can come back until then get away from me" its a little mean, but it usually nips it in the butt. And the same thing for her brothers and sister, if she is being rude, send her to her room until she can be nice. It may take a while, but eventually it will sink in.
The key to kids (I am a stay at home mom of a 6 and 8 yr old) is consistency, you have to have the same rules, all the time, and for everyone. The minute you back down or crack, you set yourself back a mile. You also have to have a lot of patience and remember they are only kids, take a deep breath and go on.
I would try to talk to her alone and ask her why she is so angry at everyone. It is also important to make sure kids understand they are wanted and loved even when they are misbehaving. it sounds to me like she is jealous or resentful about something. But sometimes kids at that age just get a bit big for their britches. I tell my daughter you do not have the right to talk to me or anyone that way, you are a child, I am an adult and she seems to understand.

Answer 4

I would have given her a good smack(but of course that is my opinion and your personal preference), and taken away anything that is valuable to her. No TV, No Gameboy or video games. No friends and no fun. Be the boss and put your foot down and under no circumstance accept disrespect like that from a child. Your husband should also be stepping in and not tolerate that type of behavior. It is never ok for an 8 year old to speak like that with you. If you are taking away her stuff, don't give in and give it back. Keep her grounded until she learns to treat the people around her better. It sounds like she doesn't talk this way with daddy, because maybe she has been getting her way with him...So he really needs to step in to help you and sort her out.

Answer 5

If she will obey your husband and not you, then it boils down to the fact that she doesn't respect you for one reason or another.

Are you consistent with your punishments? When you tell your daughter that you will punish her, do you follow through? If you don't, then you need to start. Consistency is absolutely important in gaining a child's respect.

Do you spend one-on-one time with her? If you don't, try doing so. She might be angry with you about something specific and this might bea good way to get some alone time with her and talk to her about what is going on. She's old enough that if you outline exactly what you expect out of her, she will understand.

As far as punishments, I personally believe that 8 is too old to spank, but instead do as Dr.Phil suggested on one of his shows, find a currancy.. find what is important to her, and use that as leverage. And remember that in the same way with toddlers, it's a matter of being consistent..

And finally, I believe this is relatively normal behaviour for 8 year olds. My 8 year old has been pushing the boundaries lately.. I can't wait until the teen years.

Answer 6

At 8 she is old enough to know when she is told not to do something then she should not do it. Have a talk with her and tell her that the next time she yells at you or her siblings or corrects you she will get a time out, and then follow through with it, it might take many, many time outs for her to realize that when she yells, it cost's her time and fun. You have to be strong and as much effort and time on your part you have to stick with it. When you give her a time out, if she gets up from time out place her back and tell her- her time starts all over again, she should get an 8 minute time out. Tell her that yelling and being mean is not going to be allowed any more. Make her apologize to the person she was mean to when her time out is up. It will take time, but it will be worth it in the long run. Good Luck.

Answer 7

She need some structure before this really gets out of hand. Maybe her dad expresses the structure that she needs. What ever you do you have to be CONSISTENT. At her age, I would spank the skin of her bottom each and ever time this happens. This is not being fair to her brothers and sister to let this go any further. Also if it not addressed now, in a few years you will loose her.

Answer 8

You know what always put me in my place when I was growing up? A nice brown leather belt that my mom would hit me with to calm me down.

There is a difference between abuse and corporal punishment. Woman BEAT your child one good tine to show that you are the authority and what you say goes!!

Just don't get crazy and abuse her. Be affirmative if you say you are going to do something THEN BACK IT UP!!!!! Don't say you are getting a time out if you keep doing that, fire out the warning if your child crosses the line teach him that with every action comes consequences that follow. BE FIRM!!!!!! You are the parent she is the CHILD!!!!!!

Momma whooped me good and look how well I turned out I have descipline, responsibility, and respect. Your daughter has the fear of god in her father that is why she does not yell at him and why she probaly doesnt act up around her father.

Answer 9

Go to local Library and borrow tape/dvd call "1-2-3 Magic" by Dr. Thomas Phelan. I know I been there and this helped me. Just hanging there.

Answer 10

If all else fails then I say spank her, she obviously wants to learn the hard way. I would not let her disrespect me and upset her brothers this way.If she gets the message that you mean business then she will behave, otherwise when she reaches the teen stage it will be much worse. Better she cry now than you cry later.