Am I wrong to keep father from Visitation??

Question

My child father never came to the hospital when he was born, nor did he come to our house, call or write. Now my child is 9 yrs old. During the 9 yrs, I've tried 6 x's to get him involved in his child life & all 6 x's he disappearred. Hurting his child badly. During my child 2nd & 3rd grade he acted out as he left again (5th & 6th x's) and he was very ugly toward his teachers and classmate. 3rd grade was the worse and now he is seeing a counselor.
Now, after 2 yrs father calls me and tell me he want to sign his rights over so he can care for his girlfriend 5 kids. But, he cannot afford a lawyer so he want to resume his visitation. Resume??? He never visited his child according to the court papers. I've always had to pick him up (those 6 x's) just to get hij involved. Now, I don't want him to see his child because it will just hurt him even more and how long will it be before he disappear again. I need to know what some of you people think. I want to protect my child heart.

Answer 1

You need to get a lawyer...tell the courts you feel it is not in your child's best interest...the situation he is currently in doesn't seem stable, and he hasn't been in the past...it needs to be checked out....but they are going to give him something unless he is a drug addicted, wife abusing, jail bird....ask for supervised visits for at least 2 to 3 years.

Answer 2

First of all, you will not be in any trouble given the situation. Child advocates for the state are first interested in keeping children safe; the father's visitation is a distant second in a situation like this. What I don't understand is how the courts would allow your son alone with his father in that environment if the visits were court ordered to be supervised??? Did the order change, and if so why, if the same little boy was there and no help has been given to the child who has the issue? There are a lot more questions here than answers, but I would tell you that it is your right to protect your child and you have done nothing that would indicate otherwise. I would not have an issue with his father taking me back to court; I would as a matter of fact be asking the court why his visits are no longer supervised if the father still wants to reside in this negative environment. Blessings.....

Answer 3

Generally, it is a good idea to have the parents as involved in the child's life as possible. This, however, does not apply to "parents" who are dangerous or destructive.

I think your child's fathers behavior would qualify as destructive.

If I were you, I would contact a lawyer for myself to make sure that I don't do anything illegal. Then I would keep that man as far away from my son as I could.

Don't ever say mean things about him to your child or around your child. And if your child ever asks about his father answer him plainly.

Protect your childs heart.

Answer 4

Well, my husband and I are going through something semi similar. My husband's ex has a total of 3 kids. Two of them are his and 1 isn't. Well they got taken away Oct 2004, and we have all three of her kids living with us. We have custody of his 2 and she signed her rights over on the other one. She also doesn't seem to care too much. We dont allow her to see any of the kids. My kids range in the age of 8, 6, 4, and 3. The 3 yr old is mine and my husbands. The other kids don't even express a wish to see the mom. If I were you I would ask your kid how he feels about seeing his dad. Then weigh out whether it would be more hurtful or helpful for him to see his dad.

Answer 5

You need to get a lawyer who can answer these questions. In my state, visitation is a legally enforceable right a parent has. There are variations on that though depending on the circumstances. There can be supervised visitation or no overnights, etc., but those are things that have to be determined by a court.

Answer 6

This man wants to see the child, "be the friend", but have none of the responsibilities. Do what is in your child's best interest. This ex needs to step up and be a man. I would report his silly A*$ to the family courts, and get the back support you so rightly deserve.

Answer 7

I would ask your child. I think they are old enough to want to see him but be honest about the reason. The child's father obviously has not shown an interest in the child's life but ultimately if your child was to find out you denied visitation, it could cause harmful feelings. Talk to you child and see what they have to say. He or she may not even want to see him once they find out it's to support other children.

Answer 8

Well, if your case isn't already in the courts...then there is no one to tell you that your child's father has to have visitation. Tell him no...that if he wants to see his child-then he needs to get to get the judge to sign a little piece of paper giving him visitation. My guess is that he won't do it...thus you will have nothing to worry about. If he is sincere in signing over his rights...perhaps you should look more into that...I don't think it costs too much money...then you won't ever have to worry about him coming back into your lives! Good Luck!

Answer 9

It doesn't *have to* hurt your child to have a relationship with his father. I think what is hurting your child is that he is expecting a different/bigger/better relationship than his father is willing/ready/able to offer to him.

Can you present this to your child in this way... "The man who helped me create you, to start you growing inside of me, would like to spend some time with you, get to know you. By now, you know who he is, what he's able to do for you as a parent. Not everyone who starts a baby growing has the skills, life experiences, emotional strength to do all of the parent things that you might want them to. That's OK. I've got that covered, right? But, we can still be thankful to your biological dad that he gave you his DNA, right? And, we can still get to know him and appreciate him for who he is. You might find him interesting to know as a person."

Treat him like an uncle or a friend of the family. Teach your child to treat him the same way.

The hurt comes from expectations about what his father was going to provide for him (emotionally, physically or financially)or bring to his life. Kind of like when a kid feels bad that Santa didn't bring him a pony. Only much bigger, obviously.

Don't promise your kid a pony. Make sure he knows that the most Santa might bring is a matchbox car, but that a matchbox car would still be pretty cool, right?

Answer 10

get a lawyer and have him request to terminate the fathers parental rights . the court should grant it because he has not seen the child often enough and now the child has nothing but problems when he sees him . No explain all this to the lawyer and the courts should terminate his rights cause he dissappears too . good luck .