PLEASE HELP ME, I need some really good advise please?

Question

Im with my bf of 8months & i think were hitting the "top of the hill" This is going to be a long term thing or just a short term. I just dont know what to do, He tells me and shows me everyday that he loves me but we have about 5 unresolved issues that we contunually fight over, I have tried to compromise and even just ignore it but they are still unresolved. I love him and want to be with him but i have doubts that this wont last forever... where i am at in life im looking for something thats going to last because in a few years (1-2) I would like seriously try to have some babies. I want to settle down have a nice little house set up and be able to go out for a while before I have babies. He says he wants this too but sometimes his actions tell me diffrently. one of the issues was him not working. He has money to pay his half of the rent and to spend on whatever plus, he also pays the full water, garbage and electricity bill plus grocries. I work 40 hrs a week at $10/hour and

struggle to pay my half of the rent, my cc bill and phone bill... so he pays the extra stuff listed above.
Anyways I really wanted him to work and be productive and learn new skills so finnaly i got him to go to work.... He says he only did it for me... but I dont want to force or yell him into something... i want him to want to do it.
I just dont know what to do... one day he does everything right then the next day he will blow me away by doing something stupid.I also wanted him to work because he was doing activities durring the day that i totally dont agree with... so i figured that maybe him working could distract me from being mad about the other thing. I have given my bf his last chance and I am really trying to make things work and still love him with my whole heart but latley often i have been feeling like im slipping away from him.

Now I know this guy who I have known for 2 1/2 years and all of a sudden tells me he really likes me, this and that, and the whole time I have liked him too but never said anything because I am not a cheater and the time has never been right.... I know this other guy wont do some of the stuff my bf now does that i have a big problem with... but im sure he has other little things that we will not agree on... when should i give this up and try something new?
what do i do?
How do you know when its time to let go?
How do you know when you have given too many chances?
How do you really know its going to least... or if your wasting your time?

the second guy i talk about is only a friend for now..

maybe i didnt make it clear... my bf who just got a job.. before he worked and now he has $$$$$$$$$. he is they type that says if you have $$$$ why work?

Answer 1

Hi
ok,well you have several things and issues going on here.
take one at a time and write them down - then ask yourself why its an issue - and ask yourself how it can be resolved - then you need to take that list and sit and talk with him about it,and see what his answers are - if yo can both agree to compromise with a solution - then great because thats what you need to do to make it work - allow him an opportunity to explain and the chance to write his own list.....its only fair.
If you just cant agree on things - then you know its time to say goodbye.. Dont let him say "I only did it for you" tell him thats sweet and its nice,but he cant just do things for you - he has to want to do them...
If your finding yourself attracted to someone else and you feel like the other relationship is just washed up,,,then it probably is....
I just ended a relationship a month ago with someone like your describing - the bottom line is he was just lazy and didnt want to work to better himself or get an education - his answers were - I will do it for you - which isnt exceptable,at least not in my book....I just grew very tired and sick of him and couldnt stand to be around him in the end,so I ended it and told him to get out and get lost.. sure htoughts of what if cross my mind now and then,but you know what - its been the best month I have had in a long time !!

So, if your feeling like its done - then it probably is
its good that he contributes - where does the money come from if he doesnt work??

Good luck
and god bless you

Answer 2

Answers to your questions:
Q. when should i give this up?
A. I'd say NOW! I understand that you believe you're "in love", but I question that since you're asking if you should try something new. Perhaps you should give it up and the "new" thing you try would be to love YOURSELF! I venture to say, You are NOT going to be the person to change your bf's poor habits, lack of responsibility and general laziness, you can only change yourself! I'm speaking out of experience. Work on you, not him! You'll be a better person for it and will learn not to settle for less!

Q. what do i do?
A. I think you already know what you should do, you just need the motivation to do it. His telling you that he ONLY GOT A JOB BECAUSE YOU WANTED HIM TO, would be indication that this is NOT the person to have children with - do you know how EXPENSIVE raising a child is? Why would you want to do that to your children, what are you teaching them? Babies grow up to be adults, they're not toys, and you are responsible for molding these little blessings from God into educated, well-adjusted, happy, healthy adults. This is real life, not "let's play house". If you are struggling w/bills NOW, what will you do w/children??? If you're just keeping the relationship going for help w/the bills, GET A ROOMMATE!

Q. How do you know when its time to let go?
A. It's Time to Let Go!

Q. How do you know when you have given too many chances?
A. When you keep getting the same results! Instability is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.

Q. How do you really know its going to least... or if your wasting your time?
A. Trust me, if you keep questioning whether or not you're wasting your time, you're probably wasting your time!

Answer 3

First off, you're posting is all over the place and you may want to repost this question in a more clear, concise format.

Now, he's not your husband, right? Things become complicated when you live with someone though.
If you can get another place to live, it might give you a better perspective on your situation.

Also, I think you should concentrate on your education and career before you start having children; you don't want to rely on someone else for support, especially once you have kids.
When someone can hold that support/power over your head, they have the upper hand and can (and often do) take advantage of that.
If he's messing up now, it'll probably only continue or get worse.

Be strong and make a decision and then don't look back. Regrets are worthless.

Answer 4

If you really, truely love this man, you have to stick with him. Love will conquer all, but the catch is... does he really love you? Do you really love him? You might have started your relationship with him on a good note, making you think that it's love. Now that things are starting to unfold, you have to reevaluate your relationship. What is it that you love about him? What do you LOVE about him? What does he have that any other guy in this world doesn't have? Make a list of the things you love about him and the things that get on your nerves. Your "pro" list should me longer than the "con" list. Much longer.
On the other hand, there are probably things that your boyfriend doesn't like about you. Encourage him to make a list as well, and compare them. What can you two work on to make the relationship work?
Another tactic is to change viewpoints. Think more positively. For example: If you're constantly telling him to take out the garbage, and he complies, praise him. Say "I love it when you _____". This doesn't mean that EVERYTHING you say has to be positive, but it encourages this type of behavior, and chances are, he'll do it to please you more often- sometimes before you ask!

If you have doubts about the fact that you love him- or feel like taking the chance on this "someone else", you don't love your boyfriend and certainly are not ready to take your relationship to the next stage. However, this might be your subconscious mind telling you to take a chance on this other guy because you're not happy with your current relationship. Before you decide, I highly recommend you make your list. If all else fails, you'll learn more about yourself and your needs.

Good Luck, just let me know if you need more advice.

Answer 5

Wow. Good luck with this. I can only suggest that you make a list of both good and bad about the relationship. Once you have done this see which side outweighs the other. Remember that there will always be things in other that we don't like. But most importantly, you cannot change anyone, so don't try that.

I have made the "list" for many different things. It usually reinforces what I had already felt. Then make a decision.

I hope it helps a bit.

Answer 6

those are some tough issues to deal with not to mention the unresolved questions you have.
if your current b/f is into illegal activities you need to put some space between the two of you since it`s only a matter of time until his actions catch up with him.
only you can say how much or how long is enough, the decision you have to make will change the rest of your life and i`m sure you will make the right one.
lack of ambition is a very bad point.

Answer 7

Once a leach, always a leach. Dump the non-working dude. He's using you, honey. He should WANT to work for you. This isn't just a minor issue, here. Your whole life and wellbeing depends on your mate working and making a living for a family. He's stated clearly that he's not into that. DUMP HIM !!! It will NOT change in the future. Just be good to yourself until you find that special person. When you do, you'll definitely see the difference. Godloveya.

Answer 8

Honestly it depends on him. What are the things that annoy you? Is he a perve, slob, jerk? Is he someone you would ever trust if you didn't love to babysit your kids for a day if you ever had them? If you are having doubts and like someone else I suggest not commiting. It seems he doesn't want to progress, and you can't make someone WANT to do something...unfortunately. Do what you think is best. Maybe ask a close mutual friend. I can't honestly help you all that much without knowing the details. Hope all goes well.
XOXO Courtney

Answer 9

Hunnie... You shouldn't have to dictate to a man how to be responsible. Sounds to me like he is still wanting to be a child. If he is ready, he would put effort into preparing for your future together. I say leave... haul a** before you get stuck with him and it's harder to leave.
Some added bonus... It's so much more fun to get attention from people that actually have ambition! It's a huge difference from being with someone that does whatever it takes to make the day go by.

Answer 10

Why judge him for what he does or doesnt do why not sit back and realize what you do have and why try changing him it seems after people get into a relationship then they want to change the other person what if he wanted to change you? Let it go and remember life is way to short to sweat the small stuff