Am I in the right to speak out?

Question

Me and my biological dad fight alot because he has 9 kids me being the oldest and he doesn't have any of them but the baby who is almost 3 We are always in arguments cause he is never there for them and it realy hurts me because they realy need him growing up (I'm already an adult I was raised by my grandmother) and when I get into these arguments his excuse is that he pays child support and I tell him child support don't hold your kids when there sick or teaches them how to be responsible adults and make good decisions in life Am I right to speak out for them

I argue with him everyday im live with my step mom from his previous marriage right now helping her with my brothers and sisters here cause she works 2 jobs to support her kids and she did a damn good job with them

Answer 1

Hell yeah you have the right to speak out. Those kids need a father. Throwing the whole " I pay child support" thing is not an excuse! Was he there for you growing up?? If anything, I would say that you are upset because you feel like yours and his relationship isn't exactly the best and that you don't want that for you siblings. Tell him that it hurts and that you needed someone and were lucky to have your grandmother, but if he is there and able to spend time with him, that should be the priority in his life. Otherwise, their father could be a complete stranger.

Answer 2

Absolutely you have a RIGHT. Sure, obviously your father is in the business of making babies but not being a father. Child support just doesn't cut it!!!! Not only does it not replace the love, stability, relationship and so forth that his children are missing out on -- typically it barely covers the food to care for a child.

So, yes you have a right -- but honestly, I think the best thing you and your siblings can do is to forgive and let it go. If any of you have abandonment issues or other issues due to not having a solid father figure... I encourage you to reach out to a counselor, a solid figure in a/your church or someone that can help you work through them. Personally I think that fathers who are abandoning their children has become an epidemic and one that is just SCARY to see! All children deserve the love and companionship of both their parents actively participating in their lives. You can't put a dollar amount on those things!

Blessing your way in working through this with your siblings. Try not to lose sleep over it, as tough as that may be. You just make a choice to live your life differently and stand proud of who you are and encourage them to do the same!

Answer 3

Yes you are in the right. It sounds as though your father has been somewhat irresponsible, fathering 9 kids, but not being mature enough to be "Dad" to them.

It's good that you are attempting to get something for your siblings that you never had...but you may eventually have to accept that your father may never be a "Dad".

It is good that he's at least paying child support, far too many kids don't even get that! But you are correct, money is not a substitute for a father figure.

I hope that everything works out for you and your sibs.

Answer 4

Yes, you're justified in speaking out for them, especially if they're not old enough to speak up for themselves. But the hard truth is - your dad is who he is......nothing you say is going to change him. Unfortunately, it was more important to him to have sex than to do the right thing and raise his children. In reality, it may be the best thing for these kids that they NOT be constantly exposed to him b/c he doesn't sound like he's the best example of what someone should grow up to be. It's really sad and I'm so sorry you have a father who doesn't understand how important his role is. The best thing you can do is be there for your brothers and sisters and help them understand it's not THEIR fault that their dad isn't around.

Answer 5

Yes, but you need to focus your energies someplace else now. Your dad is a grown man and its obviously he doesn't have any commitment to the children he reproduced other than financial. Its too bad these mothers or mother didn't put a stop to this a long time ago. You are not going to convince him otherwise. Stop wasting your time and just be a good sister and role model for your siblings. Your dad has to answer for his behavior, but its not to you to decide.

Answer 6

wow this must be realy hard for you to watch this going on.but you can't make someone do something they dont want to do and fair play to you for trying.its seems to me the best thing you can do is what youre allready doing and just be there for the rest of youre family at least youre able to give the love and support they need.im sorry that youre dad is not able to do that but he will lose out in the end.chin up

Answer 7

If the other kids agree that you should speak out to him then it will be OK... But are you sure that your not just speaking out of hurt and anger towards your dad from your self. It sounds that you turned out OK...If a person is not willing to change then you can't make them. If he wants to be in there lives he will be but nothing you say will make him be there. You are only hurting your self more by having these confrontations.

Answer 8

wel they ur siblings and u hav all the right to make sure they hav been taken care of rightly
u r absolutely right in speakin outn lettin ur dad know tat his responsibility doesnt end wid payin out child support
he has to be there wid them cause a child needs his father as much as anythin else
u shood definately talk t ur dad bout this matter and as often as possible

Answer 9

I am in the same situation and I understand how you want these children to have a father unlike you did. However it is a waste of your energy. People like him don't care or listen. You need to learn boundaries with this man and it may be best to completely separate yourself from him. He seems to be heartless.

Answer 10

well thats right he should be there . but you also have to think of it like this where was he at when you where growing up . not there so he will never be there for them either . if your the oldest then you be there for them . child support will never be enough . never. he is jjust like the rest of fathers that like sex thats all they like . they cannot and never will be able to pay for the consequences. good luck