How do I avoid offending people?

Question

It seems to me that no matter what I say or do, there's always at least one person who wants to bash my brains in as a result.

I don't mean that I go out of my way to offend people - what I mean is that every time I open my mouth someone finds SOMETHING that they take offence at.

Short of locking myself away from all human contact I'm not sure what else to do.

Is it me who is at fault, or is it just that the people I associate with are hostile and over sensitive?

Answer 1

Without opening with negativity it is almost certainly your fault. Your very existence can offend somebody, as can mine and anyone else's for that matter.

Trying not to offend people can be difficult however. What is socially acceptable in one place may not be in another, and existence in one place may not be acceptable, where as in another place it could be OK. For example; if someone were to walk into a mosque wearing a crucifix round their neck, no doubt somebody would be offended by the inadvertent expression of religion.

Again simply expressing your true feeling could offend somebody. This is still your 'fault' but it cannot be helped and therefore should not be worried about, or punished, obvioulsy if your true feeling affect others in a majorly negative way e.g.. murder then its probably best not to act on such a thing.

But the best way to avoid majorly offending somebody is to asses a situation before acting upon it, thinking about what you say and whatnot.

Answer 2

>>Is it me who is at fault, or is it just that the people I associate with are hostile and over sensitive?

Probably a little of both. You probably need to watch how you say things a little, and develop a thick skin for the rest. Do you tend to talk about things people have strong opinions about, like politics, how to do a project, etc? It may be that the topics you engage in (the best ones are always the most heated!) tend to be sensitive, in which case, try to be a little more diplomatic in how you state what you feel, and roll with the punches on the rest. The next time someone acts hostile and offended at something you say, say in a surprised way, "wow, I didn't realize what I said was so offensive....what exactly was it that bothered you? Was it what I said, or the way I said it?" Maybe you will get some insight as to where the problem is.

Answer 3

I have the same problem and am told it is a bit like driving engage brain then mouth. However is the person you"offend" the target of your remarks or is it someone who is offended on behalf of someone else. If the former you need to look at yourself if the latter perhaps they have nothing better to think of. For goodness sake do not try to apologise because if you are like me you just dig yourself further in. It may be an idea to confine yourself to platitudes they are boring but they often keep you out of trouble

Answer 4

I think that the people you are around are just too sensitive. People often get offended at the things I say as well. Well maybe it's not what you say but how you say it. You only live once and my advice to you is to not change who you are in order to please other people. You could try thinking a little bit more about what you are going to say before you say it. Run it in your mind a couple of times.

Answer 5

Just agree with what everyone says, that way if someone takes offence then you can just say it was what so and so said.
Plus become a listener, you can have a good laugh to yourself at some of the stupid things people say. Plus it can make you appear as caring and understanding.
It can also create friendships if people see that you are willing to listen to them and not just giving your opinion.

Answer 6

Point taken on 'let the muslims do what they want in their own country'... on the other hand, what insane 'Miss World Pagent' management selected a 'muslim dominant' country for the pagent, that has this as its 'starting point'... (from the wiki on the pagent). ---- Miss World started as the Festival Bikini Contest, in honour of the recently introduced swimwear of the time, but was called "Miss World" by the media. It was originally planned as a one-off event. Upon learning about the upcoming Miss Universe pageant, Morley decided to make the pageant an annual event.[8][9] ---- Perhaps they should only have Abaya'ed females for the entire pagent, and who the hell cares what is underneath the gunny sacks (ok... silk gunny sacks... they could have every conceivable notion from Victoria's Secrete on, but who gives a damn...). As for 'demeaning women'... this comes from a culture that requires women to be covered from head to toe while 'in public', with only limited differences for various regions. In addition, with other 'islamic' based countries allowing such things as 'child brides', or 'honor killings of women who do not conform to the rules', one can only wonder what a contorted concept 'demeaning' is for the muslim. As far as I'm concerned the the 'islamic world' can march themselves back into their desired medieval world. But never fear, beauty pageant management has never been a hot bed of sedition, which perhaps for all the noise about 'women's exploitation' that feminists have level at the various fests, is the core of the real problem, fests do not criticize the subjugation of women, of which this latest outburst on the part of the male exclusive muslim leadership, is one such example.

Answer 7

Mark Twain said it best: if you try to live your life in such a way that nothing you do or say could possibly offend anyone, you will not do much.

If you think before you speak, consider who you're talking to and choose your words carefully, and they are Still offended, maybe you should find some new people to talk to.

Answer 8

A friend had a marvellous T-shirt on which was written something like:
"Lord, please help me to put my brain into gear before I open my mouth"!
Before you say something which might be challenging in any way, think "Would it upset me if someone said that to me?"
Even then, you're going to upset someone, sometime because we all react in different ways and take offence at different things.
Try mixing with more mature people.

Answer 9

Umm....Have you ever heard of the story of the man, the boy and the donkey?

The best way to avoid offending anyone is never to say a word and lock yourself away.

Whatever you say or do, there will always be someone somewhere who finds it offensive.

Answer 10

Well, you know how the saying goes: "You can please some of the people some of the time, but never all of the people all of the time", or something to that effect. However, it may be your fault. If you'd give us an example of something you said that offended people to the point where they wanted to physically hurt you, we might be better able to help you.