why is emotional adultery so strong and so hard to break?

Question

just a random question.
there is so much adultery in the world and people seem to fall so easily. even through internet contact. senario:your chatting in a chat room, meet someone of the opposite sex that you like talkin to online, you both are married (or at least one of you is), you two exchange phone numbers and have long conversations on the phone when you both can be alone, (lets say from like 10 am to 3pm) you live in two different states, and now there are feelings developing and you two end up fallin in love (if thats even possible), so now here you are married and so is the other person (possibly) but you love someone else, lets say that the relationship between the two of you have been ended 2 or 3 times because one spouse found out, so they let it cool off for a few months then it starts all over again. why is it so hard to break? why is so strong? is there a christian reason for this? what steps do a christian take to get over it? is this part of spiritual warfare?

i know a girl that got caught in this, and she cant tell me the answers to my questions. so i thought i would try to find out here. maybe i will find out how NOT to get to that point in my marriage.

Answer 1

That's when you stop and ask yourself "Why am I not happy in my marriage and what I can do to fix it?" If you are looking some place else, that means something isn't good at home. We all fall into the temptation. We're all human!! Life gets in the way in marriage and someone else looks better. But if you are really committed to your partner you step back and go talk to THEM.

Answer 2

You know that a pastor once stated that the majority (don't remember the percentage) of affairs happen, not because of sex, but because there is an unfilled emotional need in the marriage and that need is why people seek out others to fill that void.

I think that the first thing is not to allow yourself to get emotionally (romantically) attached to anyone on the internet. It's okay to talk, but if you start to feel some sort of a bond with them, it's time to set limits. If you cannot stay within those limits, then you've crossed the line. I don't exchange telephone numbers for just this reason. I've had some people that I like to talk with on the internet, but if I sense that it's crossing the boundaries, I restate the boundaries and if that doesn't work, I have to end the communication.

As far as a Christian reason, no. It's a human emotional reason. As a Christian, we're still affected by the same emotions that the non-Christians experience. And if you don't keep your relationship with God in the right perspective, it's very easy to get caught up in those emotions.

When we decide to get married, we have to be very, very careful about who we choose. It's a double whammy. As a Christian, there is a higher push to get married, especially if you want a physical relationship with that person. We strongly push for a marriage for a lifetime. And because we make promises before God and God seals our marriage in a covenant, he takes those promises very seriously.

So, I think that as a Christian, it is okay to have friends. But when that friendship comes before your relationship with your spouse, then it has crossed the line.

If you are unhappy in your marriage, you need to do something about making the marriage better. As another person mentioned, it's very possible to heal from adultery and even on-line affairs, but you need to not only treat the symptoms (the affair itself), but also treat the underlying issues that created the affair and the damage to both spouses.

Answer 3

I don't understand the christian reason reference. This happens to people whether regardless of their faith. I think it is because we all change over time. We marry someone and often after time we drift apart in many ways or we allow the world and it everyday problems to weigh down the relationship. So now comes along this person who we hardly know really and it seems exciting and without all the problems just like it was when we fell in love with our spouse and fall for it because it gives us a fantasy escape. That could be be the case. Without knowing you or your relationship its impossible to say because maybe you married the wrong person and now realize it or maybe you are just trying to have a fun fantasy and need to do something different with your spouse to recreate your love life.
I would remind you however that the grass is always greener and the emotional relationship you have is really mostly based on fantasy and so of course its seems great because in fantasy we control everything and we make it always exciting. Real life is very different. I feel for you I really do because I understand the strength of the feelings and desire but you had better think very carefully here and get the support of some trusted friends to help guide you through this.

Answer 4

it only goes on if you let it. If you are married for ever then never contact the other person again. But if you feel your love for this other person is stronger than your marriage than you need to get a divorce. I know it sounds harsh but if you caused it you need to fix it. Many marriages survive adultery regardless if it is actual adultery or just phone/internet sex. You have to be strong and make a choice, it has nothing to do with religion or being a good christian, good christian make mistakes all the time. You have issues to work on.

Answer 5

What's to break? You sound horny or at least emotionally isolated and you're not getting enough of something. You sound like one of those people who wrings their hands and tsks and sighs a lot about some habit like smoking when you've actually got the habit under control and suffer no ill effects. Just go seek what it is that you want. Unless you've got kids your ignoring, there is no actual sin here (once you find what you are seeking you can come back and tell your spouse what it is that you want if you insist on sticking with your current spouse).

Answer 6

If you are a married woman, you don't have private one on one chats with other men.

I suspect the reason is a lack of communication at a deep level between that woman and her husband.

"Pass the mashed potatoes please", is NOT the type of communication I'm talking about.

Women crave lots more attention, and verbal communication, then most husband's realize.

Stay at home Moms are often lonely during the day. The kids are at school, Hubby is at work. She craves to be able to talk to Hubby when he gets home, but often because their lives are filled with stuff, ( not the little league games and Cub Scout meetings are bad, but they take time away from building intimacy between husband and wife ).

Yes this is part of spiritual warfare.

I'm not going to try to marriage counselor by remote control here, mainly because of the Internet Trolls who will mock and make fun.

However, I'm available to continue this conversation in number of Christian groups which exist on Yahoo.

Pastor Art

Answer 7

First, you shouldn't be conversing in a seductive manner in chat rooms. Second, you should never have given out your phone number! You don't know this person. He could be a serial killer for all you know. He can find out your address just by having your phone number. Third, grow up!

Emotional adultery? Change your email address, your IM name and don't speak with him again. Do not respond to any phone calls or emails. It's not spiritual warfare it's personal warfare. Your conscience is speaking to you, nothing more.

Answer 8

When you are in a marriage, you should not be putting yourself into situations that can develop into emotional attachments. So when that guy online says here's my number call me, don't do it, and don't give out your number.

It's not strong, it's not hard to break, if you want to do it. The problem is your friend doesn't want to. She's obessing about a life she thinks could be with that guy, because she doesn't not know the guy in reality.

This is not spiritual warfare, this is human weakness. Your friend is a weak person who does not take responsibility for her actions.

Answer 9

Don't exchange phone numbers.

If anyone contacts me for a 'getting to know you' conversation, I give them the brush off. I think that to accept a close relationship with a stranger is just asking for trouble and is disrespectful to your spouse. I love my spouse so much I would never allow that situation to begin, let alone get to the stage where I was tempted.

As for a Christian perspective, If you have God in your heart at all times, you will never let yourself be tempted like that. You should always be aware of what behaviour is godly and what is ungodly and strive for what you know God would want you to do.

Answer 10

think of of a relationship between a husband and a spouse. that is not merely the sexual part of the relationship that makes it particular. it is likewise the emotional intimacy. i think of of emotional infidelity as something that threatens the emotional intimacy of a pair. One occasion in a relationship going exterior of that relationship for convenience and help on a relentless foundation is emotional infidelity. Technically, that is not adultery. because of the fact of this you could not cite adultery on divorce papers because of the fact of emotional infidelity. in spite of the shown fact that, this many times the 1st step to adultery. men who do not think of they are going to ever cheat could discover themselves falling into the capture of changing into too close emotionally with a female chum and, finally taking that very final step into adultery.

Answer 11

Because it involves the soul.

I am glad you asked this question--so many ppl think it's nothing to be very close to members of the opposite sex with whom one is not married. Problems like this arise all the time. Bravo for thinking about it--you get a star!