I have to make a decision... please read all before judging me?

Question

I have a 1 year old son with a guy who I was with for 2 years. The baby was planned, he asked me to have him a child. I loved him enough despite my wants to be married first, so I did. His job kept him away so I barely saw him and he barely saw the baby. For 9 months my son and I would only see him twice a month, and when we did see him, he was on the couch, Budweiser ESPN and then would leave the next day. He wouldn't say 2 words to me. Any attempt to show him affection by me was brushed off. He was not helping me finacially with the baby and I was basically a single mom. Fast forward to February. I at that point no longer loved him. Months of lonliness forced me to seek affection elsewhere. technically we were still "together" but my heart wasn't his anymore. I tell him about this "thing" I had with one guy that lasted 3 weeks in October and of course he's furious. Fine. We understand we don't want to be together and he tells me also he is having money problems. His truck gets repo

and he gets kicked out his apt in the town he worked in. I feel sorry for him and out of kindness and the fact that as soon as we go to child support court he will get visitation and my baby will have to be left with a man he does not know, I let him stay so my son can get to know him. For 5 month he stayed at my home not paying bills or helping. Also he was on a nightly basis sexually harassing me. he felt that I "owed" him sex because I was the one who ruined the relationship. I refused him . I fought him till I got tired. I wish I would have made him leave but the baby started getting used to him. He refused to wear condoms despite my plea. I made through 4 months of nightly torture. Last month I put him out. I also find out I'm pregnant. I tell him and he says its not his. I was sleeping with someone else and he's not going to help and wants no part of it. what do I do? go 8 months do a blood test and raise 2 kids on my own or abortion? I don't sleep now. I just want my life back

My financial situation was so bad, I could no longer afford birth control. The money I was using on the pills had to go to diapers. I told him I wasn't on anything. He denies our 1 yr old and wants a DNA on him depite having signed the Cirth certificate and AOP forms.

Answer 1

I just saw your additional info... Get a restraining order against that jerk. You were being raped - sexually harassed is way too mild a term for someone forcing you to have sex. You can set up your child support NOT to include visitation, citing sexual assult as the grounds. There is no reason that you or your child should be around this guy. File a police report - do not see this guy any more.

As far as the new pregnancy is concerned - that is your decision and a tough one to make at that. Follow your heart with that - noone can really tell you what to do there - that is your decision.

I have to say that I know that you once loved the guy, but you cannot feel sorry for him because he messed his life up. He did not pay his truck payment and he got himself kicked out of his apartment. That is his fault, not yours. I understand how you can want to feel sorry for him... but really, there is nothing that you can do for him - he did this to himself.

Get a lawyer or go through the state to set up your child support payments. He says he is broke? Waaah and boo-hoo. He works, he can pay child support. If his car is being repo'd, it is because he is not being responsible with his bills. This is not your problem. He is responsible to pay child support - and the courts will make sure that the money comes out of his check and goes to you.

Good luck. Be strong in this for you and your child. You deserve better than this guy - don't ever forget that.

Answer 2

Move on...before it becomes even harder later on down the road. As for what to do with the baby...I am not sure, that is a decision you must make, but there are a lot of things you need to consider.

Can you financially take care of this baby yourself? You already have one child you also need to consider.

Will you have any support from the father besides the lack of financial support?

Do you really want to go through the hassles of this man and his manipulations while you are pregnant? You already have one baby with him that is apparently not a priority to him, but he is more than happy to use it as leverage to get what he wants or needs from your at the time.

I don't think badly of anyone who choses abortion, it is a decision that only that person can make they are the ones in that situation, just make sure that you get yourself on birth control, if you don't want any children you need to take the initiative to prevent it, he won't and the next guy may not either. It's very affordable now and you can probably get it from a clinic for women either free or extremely cheap.

Would it be possible to go ahead and have the baby and let another family raise it? Such as adoption?

Don't beat yourslef up over this, I think you have already made your decision and I think you know the struggles you are already going through and adding a baby into the mix will add more to those struggles. There are clinics that will give you guidance in make your decision, seek one of those, they will be able to help you weigh your options.

Best of luck to you! Please whatever you do stay as far away from the sperm donor, that seems to be his only contribution to a family.

Answer 3

Honey....you should keep the baby or put it up for adoption....its not fair to the baby to kill it!! I would say you did a good thing about kicking his sorry as* out!! You will be happier...Um...if you keep the baby get a test done like the first day you can then snatch his as* for child support! or you can have him sign away his rights, but if you do that make sure he does it for both children that away he wont be able to get any type of custody (temp or not) You can raise these 2 childrent on your own...it will be tuff, but God only gives you what you can handle!! Just dont ever let this guy run all over you again...it is best to keep him at a safe distance!

Answer 4

First off all: try to find someone you can trust to talk to. You really need some support right now. Maybe a counselor or a friend? You need to talk about everything you've been trough. Get it out your system.
Secondly: It's your decision to abort or not. People will most probably judge you if you go ahead with it. I say it's your choice. Rather not have another child than bringing a child in the world were there will be suffering. Rather spent all your energy on the one you have. Try and makes his live the best you possibly can.
Thirdly: Sue the living lights out of the horrible heartless 'rapist'. That's right. That is what he is. If a man forces you to have intercourse, then you call him by his nature, RAPIST!!
And last but not least: make peace with yourself. You might feel guilty, abused or hurt. All you need to know is that there is peace in the Lord, and if you seek His guidance, you'll get through this painful time of you live.
Good luck and God bless!!

Answer 5

Leave the dirt bag. About the new baby, if you have the means to support yourself during pregnancy, have the kid and either keep him or give him to adoption. If you don't probably you're better off having an abortion. Before you take any decisions check around for institutions or organisations that help single moms, they are far more experienced than you and me and they can offer you a wide range of solutions for your problem, and professional support in your decision.

Answer 6

Firstly sweetie What do you want to do, what do youu need to do comes later.focus on your needs and that of the child you have first, then work out how the rest fits in , yes it feels right or no it does not, make the choice based on what's right for you and things will work out in the longrun

Don't stress about the decesion once made, just plan for whatever the future holds.

Best wishes and lots of luck

Answer 7

"I refused him . I fought him till I got tired... He refused to wear condoms despite my plea. I made through 4 months of nightly torture."

For the sake of the baby, get some strength and deal with your situation. First on the list would be to CALL THE COPS and PRESS CHARGES, seeing as how you were REPEATEDLY RAPED.

Hopefully, they'll be able to set you up with some counselling, which I expect is badly needed after dealing with such a prince.

Answer 8

Although your baby is getting use to him, I would not have a man in my house who doesn't respect me! He doesn't care anything about you. He will only do what you allow him to do ( sex without a condom, harassing you, etc...). He's not helping you out in anyway, but adding stress. I would have never allowed him to stay in the first place, let alone, let him come back. Just leave him and never turn back! Your baby will learn to forget about him, he is too young to remember him anyway. Keep your baby and raise your children on your own!

Answer 9

Get rid of the jerk, move if you have to to get away from him. You could have called the cops, and had him removed from your residence, if he was "forcing" you to have sex with him. Don't get an abortion, it's not the baby's fault. Killing the new baby won't make you feel any better, it might depress you more. Have the baby, and if you can't handle 2 children, put the baby up for adoption. There are lots of families out there that can't have children, and a baby would be a blessing for them. Please don't get an abortion.

Answer 10

Have the baby - it's not the baby's fault.
Get a paternity test done when he/she is born. Then get him for child support on both kids. Leave him and don't look back.