How do we ask to not have children at our wedding reception without offending anyone?

Question

My fiancée and I are getting married in September. I have a very large family, and we are trying to keep the guest count to 150 people. We like children, but can not see paying $25 per plate of food that the children are going to have three bites off of. Our thought is on the wedding reception invitation it will read "Adult Dinner and Reception, following the Ceremony at the Elm Creek Park Chalet". My mother thinks this is offensive to those who have children, we do not. We are trying to ask in the nicest way possible to leave children at home, because we can not afford to have that many people at the wedding. Not all children will be excluded, a few will be there, and we are just trying to keep the number down. The adults can choose do ignore the word adult on the RSVP as long as we get an accurate count. Any advice you could give us that is constructive and may help this situation is much appreciated.

Answer 1

Honestly you do NOT need to put "Adult" on the invitation. Just make sure you word the address correctly on the outside. Invite "Mr and Mrs. John Smith"...Not "The Smith Family". The only people invited to a wedding are the names on the outside of the envelope.

Answer 2

I think that your mother is correct - people will be offended if you invite some children but not all. I understand your reasoning for not wanting all the chlidren there, but pleae understand that most parents think that their child is the sweetest, most well-behaved child, and will not realize that the dinner plate for their child will cost $25. If you don't want to offend, limit the children to only those in the wedding party.

A friend of mine had a separate room for children for the dinner where they were served pizza and hot dogs, and then joined their parents for the dancing. Another option is to see if there is a reduced-price menu for children. I've been to many receptions where the children received chicken fingers and was told that the children's dinners were much less expensive.

Best wishes. I hope that you will find a solution that will make everyone happy. If not, though, remember that this is YOUR day.

Answer 3

You can't exclude SOME children but not all and expect to get off scot free without offending somebody.

What you need is a children's meal at the reception. Many places do this now. You get a $5 kids meal for each kid that has smaller portions of things that kids actually eat. The parents will LOVE you for this and you'll save your $$.

To keep the number of kids down without offending people, invite entire families, you can take this effective (but risky) approach: schedule the wedding as late as possible with dinner served at 8 or 8:30 p.m. Most parents with small kids will hire a sitter and take it as an evening out. Some may bring their kids anyway, and the risk is that some of the children may be cranky and overtired...you could possibly hire some sitters to keep the kids occupied in another room with a video and pizza, but that's another expese.

Answer 4

If you are going to not invite children to the reception it should include all children it is not fair that children are being picked and chosen to be guests at your reception and others aren't. Talk with your caterer and see if they offer a child's menu (chicken tenders, french fries, little pizzas, etc.) that is cheaper then the $25.00 per plate.

If people are saying that if their children can't come neither can they, maybe you could hire a sitter or two so at least the kids could be near by and order a couple of platters of child friendly food. Alot of parents are apprehensive leaving their children at home if they are far away if there is a problem.

Good luck!

Answer 5

There is nothing offensive! Most adults would love a night away from their children! I think the wording that you have suggested is perfect. My best friend is getting married and her future-mother-in-law is pitching a fit about not having children at the wedding (there are no small children on that side of the family) and yet her sister has a 9 month old and is thrilled to spend an evening away just with her husband!

To heck with your mom - this is your wedding and do what you and your husband agree upon. Good luck!

Answer 6

You are getting into a sticky wicked area when you are excluding some children and not excluding others. Is there a way that you could work it out with the caterers that they would leave an area set aside that you could set up for the children and have some of the relatives, parents or someone furnish food for the kids? This would save you the catering costs and sort of have the kids out of the way at the same time and best of all there would be no hard feelings.

Answer 7

I can tell u that i have been to a lot of receptions, but i haven't to others! Your not the only one who wants to have an adult only reception. But if some kids aren't aloud, then all of the kids under a certain age shouldn't be aloud. Bc it gets around. If a kid hears that another kid is going and they can't it's worse. And make it so kids can't go to the ceremony either, Bc parents would have to run home and drop their kids off, and they would come later. ok i kepp leaving really long answers so see ya!
Hope this helps!

Answer 8

No matter how you do it, there are going to be people offended. Just plan on it. This is your choice.
But it is now your guests choice as to whether they want to attend or not.

The only other alternative would be to see if your caterer has a 'child's portion' so that you don't have to spend so much on food. If there is room, you could also hire a babysitter to watch the children in another room , with videos & coloring while the reception is taking place.

Answer 9

We are in the same boat as you... but we are paying $75 per head and no discount for children. We are putting Adult Reception on the Cards and we have verbal explained to people we are close to why their children can not attend. Most of the parents were fine about it, one step sister made a stink about it but she is unmarried with 2 kids so she doesn't understand the cost involved. We even offer to get her a sitter after she said she couldn't afford one.. because we told her it would be cheaper for us to pay for the sitter!!

And if you have to explain it to people- how I handle it was it was going to be loud adult music and lots of drinking. Children are not allowed in a Bar so why would you bring them to my wedding? Most people understood, but you always have one trouble maker.

We did exclude all children though!!! I was to hard and rude to pick and choose..... we are not having a ring bear or flower girl either. If you having some children- Only have the ones in your wedding. It's to hard to pick and chose and that's when people get pissed!

Answer 10

I think you need to be more direct and say 'NO CHILDREN', yes you will offend some, I think you need to decide what more important to you keeping costs down or keeping your friends and family happy, I don't think you can have both. If anyone refuses, either do without them or suggest they pay for their own child's food. We had a small wedding and only invited 20 guests, I really pissed off a lot of my family but if they were that important to me I would have invited them...... Good luck for the big day, remember it's yours not theirs.