Fiance's parents were mad he didn't call for Father's Day??

Question

Well, my fiance told me that his Grandma spoke with his mother today & that his mother was p!ssed off that he didn't even so much as call his dad or come by to see him on Father's Day.. We have been ignoring/avoiding them because we are tired of being asked for money & screwed over so much.. His mom finished up the conversation by pretty much hinting that they needed money & asking for some.. Was my boyfriend wrong to not even call?? Problems with his parents go way back & he is trying to have no contact.. Besides, when we went to their house for Mother's Day, all we did was get jumped for money as soon as we walked in the door!!!!!!! And that's all they ever care about!! We can't even go over for a nice visit without it leading back to money.. What should we do!?!?!?! HELP!!!!

Just to clarify some of the "problems way back," his parents sent him & his brother to live w/ their grandparents from the time they were babies (a few months old) until they were 12 years old, when their housing said hey, the kids aren't here, we are cutting you off unless they move back in.. so they had to go home to mom & dad.. once my fiance was 16 and able to work, he had a full-time job.. and that's when his parents started hitting him up for money constantly.. his mom doesn't work, his dad works full-time (supposedly) nobody knows for sure..

I just wanted to add that I am the one that is always making him talk to his family.. He didn't even want to see his parents on their anniversary or on Mother's Day.. But I ALWAYS insist upon it, and I always force him into seeing them and getting them gifts.. I am the soft one, not him.. If it was up to him, he would have stopped contact years ago.. It is just now getting to the point where they are being sneaky about trying to get money out of us (and his siblings too!!) and I am tired of it, as is my fiance (obviously!!) They have borrowed thousands from us and have never repayed anything..

It's very sad that money has to get in the way in this situation, because it IS his parents, and they can be nice people.. But they are also con-artists who just care about what they can get out of people!!

Answer 1

Well i dont think it was wrong for your fiance to not call.. they dont give him any reason to.. if they arent being good parents(father) why should they be praised for it..
in my opinion they didnt deserve it.

Answer 2

sounds such as you would be in for a rocky marriage. There extremely isn't alot which you're able to do different than perchance attempt to incorporate your fiance's relatives in greater actives. I understand that there is in simple terms constrained area on a boat so this would not artwork this time. Why did no longer your fiance's mom pass buying with him? i will show you how to already know that maximum married couples I extremely have met tend to spend greater time with the spouse's relatives. this is in simple terms how that's. that's extremely useful to have your fiance examine with you beforehand he says he will do some thing to make certain in case you have earlier plans. good luck

Answer 3

If the idea that you're going for is to cut all contact with them, then do nothing. Ignore them as usual.

Honestly, did you need anyone to tell you that?

If there are huge problems stemming from a sordid history, and your husband feels like he doesn't want to contact them, then the only logical thing to do is ignore any and all antics from that particular section of the family.

It might also be a good idea to inform third parties (grandma, etc.) of your husband's new "no contact" policy so that she can cease the passing on of such melodramatic information that is designed to make you and your husband second guess yourselves.

Hope this helps!

Answer 4

Don't let them keep asking you for money because you are not helping them, but, rather, hindering them. They need to find their own way out and grow up a little, and your fiance needs to realize that he is not an ATM where his parents can stick a card in his mouth and out comes the cash.

I am sure you and your fiance work hard for your money; therefore, nobody should expect you to pay their way. How many times have asked to "borrow" and have yet to pay you back? Moreover, how scarce are they when you ask to be repaid?

With that said, he should of called to say "Happy Father's Day". Remember, you can pick your friends, but not your family, and he only has 1 dad.

In the future, whenever they bring up money politely say, This really isn't the time to be asking for money. I (came over) (called) (etc.) to celebrate (father's day, mother's day, birthday, whatever.), and it's not an appropriate time to dicuss this issue. Furthermore, tell them how you feel. You have "borrowed" more than enough money, and you can't keep lending it out... you have your own expenses and futures to worry about.

Answer 5

I say always be respectful and at least call to wish well but fiancee needs to lay down some rules about money and tell his parents how he feels about their behaviour. Out come most wanted is family staying together in love, so possible gran children know nan and pop etc. If all else fails advice fiancee to tell them that all his money is tired up and he cannot get access to it. I don't understand what their position in life is if his parents work or are disabled or what? Why cant they pay their own way with out his help? This situation needs to be discussed openly no arguing and sorted out. Be supportive to your fiancee, to help protect him. Good luck to you all

Answer 6

He should have at least sent a card. That way he could have wished Dad a Happy Father's Day (after all, Dad did raise him for 18 years...or at least I assume so) and avoided contact, so there would have been no opportunity for the parents to ask for money. But, by the way, when they ask for money, all you have to do is say 'no'.

Answer 7

Your fiance must do what he feels comfortable doing, whats right for him and you. We love our families, particularly our mums and dads. The mutual maternal love does not mean we as people have to like their behaviour. Maybe a visit and talk by him explaining the stress and/or awkward position he feels put in during these visit times.

Ive always found honesty and openness is the best way to deal with these situations. The use of "I" statement sand not using "you' will help.

Should the family not receive these feelings in a positive way, maybe even taken it as offencive, that is not your partners responsibility. He is not responsible for how they feel. All he has done is express his feelings and thoughts

Good luck
lyndee

Answer 8

Yes he was wrong for not calling, yes she has a right to be mad yesterday and todays problems have no room on holidays, he should have called, he still his father atleast sent or dropped off a card. You cant let these things consume you nor do you have to change who and how you are to others. If your boyfriend is nice and considerate let him be that way. And there is no we in this its his family, stop getting involved or stressing a prob that isnt yours plus he enables it by giving them money when its so easy to say No.

Answer 9

He could have mailed a card. Just talk to them and tell them you would love to come over, but at this time you can't loan them any money. You are getting ready for your big day.

Answer 10

If they have become a pain and he is trying to stop all contact then no, he is not wrong for not calling. I am a firm believer that if someone is tearing you down and using you you have every right to put them out of your life, even if they are family.

Move on past this and just live your lives. Don't let them get to you or try to hurt you.

Answer 11

Stop giving them money! He should have called or at least sent his father a card. I would give my right arm to be able to call my father for Father's Day but he past in 1976.