I am becoming unsocial - anyone else like me here?

Question

Yesterday some guests came to house and my family entertained them well; I was in the middle of work and not exactly enthused to meet them and was not even polite to say Hello. Why I just ignored all of 'em as small talk p*sses me off - how are you? What are your kids doing?

I really choose the people I like to meet and as a result, my friend circle at present is no more than 2-3 friends - that too I see like once in a month or something.

I'm happy of course for whatever it is but my mom's not easy over yesterday's incident. She refuses to talk to me since then and I don't know what to do.

I was not always like that - even 2-3 years back I enjoyed my deal of popularity and fame. It's just that I like being recluse now -

My mom adviced me to see a psychiatrist but i don't see anything wrong in me. What say?

Small people, small talk - pish posh

Answer 1

I appreciate more someone like you than those people who like to say that they have a lot of friends, and they don't realize they're surrounded by fake and phony people. I might have accepted almost anyone in the past, but it's normal to become more selective when you grow up. I believe that the true friends you can meet in a lifetime can be one or two if you're VERY lucky. One thing though, politeness has to stay with you. If you say "hello" to somebody, it doesn't mean you're their best friend. Good luck!

Answer 2

You have bigger things on your mind. Small talk is inane and a waste of time, especially when societal convention (and family pressure) forces to you stop your work and participate. Of course your behavior seems rude to your mother. The guests became her priority and you embarrassed her. You should try to see her point of view and apologize.

I think that you are doing the right thing for yourself in carefully selecting your friends. Careful choice with such influences is important for maintaining personal focus. Hopefully you are well-balanced enough to recognize when you need to extend your contacts and social influences. A bit of "new blood" can be a big boost to energy and creativity.

Just because you enjoyed the limelight a few years ago doesn't mean this trend will continue. I have had similar experiences and now also find myself more reclusive. My priority is myself and my "work". It seems that you're in the same situation. I also hate the small talk. I want to talk about important things.

Your paragraph about the psychiatrist... I don't think you need to see anyone. Maybe later, but not now. I say this because overall there is no sense of urgency or need that indicates an unhealthy imbalance, or at least at the moment. I think you are pretty self aware and thus if you needed help, the overall tone of your question would be very different.

;)

Answer 3

I can understand what you're feeling, because I used to be the exact same way, and I'm still very picky in who I get close to. I also agree with what most of the other posters have said, about small talk being stupid or fake.

But, I just had to add that not everyone feels this way or will understand where you're coming from. So put yourself in the other person's perspective. They may feel that you don't like them or care about them, or that you don't want them around. When really you're just busy and not into small talk. If you do want them to feel that you care for them and welcome them even though you won't be hanging out with them - just show that by asking a few general questions that let them know that you are a caring person.
It's all about what other people perceive, and you won't get any positive reactions without a little effort.
In short, just be nice for 30 seconds and excuse yourself so that they can go on with their b.s. and leave you to do as you please.

Answer 4

I would never be rude to anyone who was right in the same vicinity as me. But I no longer enjoy a social whirl of friends and social events every weekend and some weeknights.

If I see a couple of friends for a few hours, dinner, sitting around, it lasts me a long time. I am 51 and I'm tired! I like to sit in the house I work hard to pay the bills on, me and hubby, and watch TV and go out to dinner the 2 of us.

When I was in my 20s I wanted something to do every night, but no more. We know a couple who asks us out a lot, but the thing is, we always have to do what they pick. It is go along with them, or bow out.

Answer 5

I do the same thing as well to my family and I meet my friends only 3 or 4 times a year if we both are not too busy, I'm a frequent traveler so as two of my best friends, that's life!!!

You feel that you are unsocial??? Well, I found you ask quite some questions here in YA! .... if that counted as a way of social life!

I can chat with you, friend! Only when I'm online though!

Answer 6

Nothing wrong with you at all. I can't stand making small talk. I find most people in this world couldn't really give a c**p anyway and I don't see why I should waste my time or breath talking about rubbish. I only really speak when I have something I want to say and my friends (I have a small group of pals too) understand this quality in me. I am not unsocial, I just don't talk s**t!

Answer 7

I've become the same way. But I've always had a small circle of friends. I had a big circle of acquaintances but that is different from friends.

You could have said hello just to acknowledge their presence but go on with your work.

I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting to have a big circle of friends, but I do think you should at least acknowledge the people around you even if you are interested in befriending them.

Answer 8

No I'm totally the same! I think I can count my actual friends on one hand because I just don't like people! You know you got so much to put up with, you got back-stabbing and cheating and bitchyness - complete waste of time! Luckily my boyfriend is the same, otherwise I think I'll be living in a lighthouse with my seventeen cats by now! And I think back to when I was sixteen and I was constantly surrounded by people and I'll have something on the calender constantly but now.. eugh! I see my family often, I love them, it's just that I don't let others in.... people like us are fine though - you can come and live on my island as long as I don't have to say hello to you!

Answer 9

I totally agree with carr51. I just couldnt have worded it as well.

I really have no time for false people. I remember someone asking me how i was doing, i think i screwed my face up and was about to answer and the person jumped in before i could and said 'i wasnt really wanting to know" I have always looked to that moment and thought, dont ask if you dont want to know. Normally i might have given the expected answer but i think i was having a bad day. It was quite funny to see the look of horror on their face though!!!!

Im very anti social. I see people at work, i have a laugh and a banter but i cant be bothered to waste my personal time with people i dont care about.

You are quite normal i think.

Answer 10

I'm very much like you, I don't like making small talk. My husband said to me the other day we should visit this couple we know, don't get me wrong they are nice people but why would i want to see them. I had nothing to say to them, i had no news or anything, I cant be bothered with it all. In my opinion most of it is all false anyway. I know so many people that talk to people all nice and as soon as they are out of earshot start slagging them off, really they should just have nothing to do with them if that's how they feel instead of keeping up with a pretence!