11 year old daughter being bullied...been to school twice...what next??

Question

my 11year old daughter is being bullied at school. After going to the school twice in the last 3 weeks, my daughter was off school all last week with chest pains, and last night got inconsoleable that she had to go back today. She didnt sleep last night, but I am making her get dressed now, as I will go in with her and sort this out once and for all.....if i dont get what i want, i wont leave her in school, but this is ridiculous. She is a lovely girl and was very popular, but she fell out with 3 girls and now it seems most the class is picking on her. I know this as i have heard comments even when we were out shopping ojn Saturday, when some of the lads in the class spotted her.

My question is....what next. I am really worried now. My other children, who are older, have had a go at these people, but it hasnt made any difference....I just dont know what to do, this is killing me inside and I have no husband or partner to fall back on

STRAIGHT ANSWER...please dont be 'stunned' that i havnt thought of self defence please dont judge....she has been going to karate....ballet...cheerleading....tap dancing and scouts since she was 4 as has her siblings...however, karate moves and suchlike dont do much when there are 17 kids onto her. So please, dont be stunned, just be aware of the facts

Answer 1

When you go into school today, ask to see the school's policy on bullying. Every school has to have one. Go through it with them, look for the parts that are relevant to your case and ask the school how they will deal with it.
If you get no joy, ask for the contact details of the head of the governors, and phone or write to him/her.
Good luck!

Answer 2

The school should have a bullying strategy but sometimes it doesn`t work. My sister was bullied at the age of 12 (year 8)and for her being made to sit in the same room as the bullies, who acted all apologetic and as good as gold in front of the parents and teachers, was a horrible experience. Even if the kids stopped the violence/name calling, being hated by everyone would hit anyone`s self-confidence hard. In my sister`s case, the bullying continued, so my parents pulled her out of the school and put her into a different one. It was a new start and there she made an extra effort to be friendly with everyone and made lots of new friends. Some years later she ran into the original bullies in a bar in town, and they seemed genuinely apologetic. My sister had already long stopped caring about what they thought though...
Make sure you emphasise to your daughter that sometimes kids just pick on other kids for no real reason. Don`t let her think that it`s somehow her fault. I hope things work out OK.

Answer 3

Oh poor kid, she shouldn't have to deal with this. My son was bullied and we actually went to the house of the ringleader and complained to the parents. If there are lots of kids doing this then obviously this would be difficult and especially if you're on you own, always good to take someone for moral support in some situations, and the parents you approach of course have to be decent people who will listen, or you just won't get anywhere with them anyhow.
Approach the Head again and inform him that you want to attend the Board of Governors meeting and that you would like one arranged asap.That you want to put your concerns and worries before the Board to see what they say about it. You could also ring the Head of the Education Department in your area and tell him/her your problem, you could also say that if it isn't sorted out immediately you will have to move schools, which you shouldn't have to, and that maybe the local paper would be interested to hear about your case. He definitely wouldn't want any bad publicity for the school, especially with all the league tables these days.
I feel so sorry for your little girl, it's obviously making her ill and the powers that be should be told of this, you could even get a letter off your GP to give to the Head, Governors, Educ.Dept, explaining how the bullying is affecting her health. I can remember vividly getting bullied at school and the sheer terror at the thought of having to go, thankfully it just fizzled out, stupidly I didn't even tell my parents, lots of kids didn't in those days, so at least it's good your daughter had been able to come to you and she knows you're doing your best to support her. It's great she's got older siblings to look out fot her too.
If there is any evidence that your daughter is being physically bullied then I would not hesitate in informing the police, no one should put up with being assaulted, especially at school where it is supposed to be a place of safety for children.
Sorry I can't help you any further, I really feel for you, especially as you are dealing with this alone. I hope you sort it out and your child doesn't have to move schools as that is unsettling too, but rather than her having to deal with this on a daily basis you might have to, let's hope someone will see sense before it gets to that. Try not to worry too much, easier said than done I know, you sound like a great Mum and just do whatever you feel is right for your daughter, her happiness is the important thing, all the best to you and your family x

Answer 4

Do you know the facts of why the other girls fell out with your daughter? Has she done something to upset them, if so get her to apologise to them, but also tell them that ganging up on a child is not on.

If she has done nothing wrong, get the head teachers attention and make it clear that this behavious must stop, at eleven the bullies can be considered criminally liable and bullying is against the law. If the school will not step in then the police will have to be called in.

Good luck to both of you

Answer 5

OK, I've been there but I'm telling you upfront this is NOT the correct thing to do but it did work for me years ago. My daughter was having problems with one girl in particular. I first called the school & told the principal that if this did not stop, I would handle it my way & I did not care about the concequences. Of course, then she was made fun of for her mommy calling the school, so I took a different approach. I called the girls mother & said exactly this " Your daughter seems to have a problem with my daughter, since they are only 7, let us adults handle this but I'm warning you we will not be on school grounds so weapons will be allowed." That was the end of the bullying but I did have a name as the crazy mother in the school & the police were called. But I denied saying anything. I was desperate like you, but PLEASE think twice before doing that, this was over a 8 years ago, but I did what I had to do to protect my daughter.

Answer 6

First go to your childs school, inform them that is the last time you will be coming to see them regarding this matter and if they do not deal with it in a manner with which you are satisfied by the end of the day then you will be involving the Education authority and the police, then do so. dont try and approach the bullies or thier parents yourself as this can antagonise the situation. Good luck, i hope this is resolved soon and your daughter is happy to go to school again xx

Answer 7

Some good answers already - I was bullied at my first school when I was about 8/9 - fortunately, I then did a "spurt growth" and the bullies stopped picking on someone who was bigger than themselves - bullies are cowards! If you get no satisfaction from the school or Governors - see your local Councillor and M.P. It's amazing how much Local Authority institutions sit up and take notice when they receive a letter from the House of Commons (I worked for a L.A. !)

Answer 8

this is a hard one its so horrible how kids bully each other at school I'm dreading my kids starting school tell the teachers you want it sorted or you will move your daughter school and go to the governing bodies and the newspaper cant they get all of the kids involved into a room and try ans sort it out maybe the bullies would feel bad if you were there and told them what your poor daughter is going throu hope it goes ok x

Answer 9

Its hard when your friends turn on you, but it happens a lot. This is not an east situation for any of you, let alone your daughter. Make she has you or her siblings to fall back even if you have no one to lean on. I remember my own experiences with bullies and there is not much you can do. Make sure she knows she has you to fall back on and try to direct her towards friends that you think will treat her right. Give her confidence and she will hopefully be able to stand up for herself next time. I wish you luck and I wish I could help more.

Answer 10

WOW, this is all too familiar to me. when i was 13, i was friends with the "popular group" and i had a fall out with 1 of the girls, which was over something absolutely ridiculous. anyway, she made school hell for me. when i walked past, she would shout obsenities (sp) i mean totally inappropriate for a 7th grader to even know. it killed me inside. i avoided going to school, i cried and told my mom that i wanted to be home schooled. i took different routes to classes, which was only to save some embarrasment, because 6 out of 8 classes were with that girl. ahhh, this is so familiar. i'm very soft hearted as it is, and i couldn't yell back at her. anyway, i just stuck with my other friends, and eventually the bullying subsided and my friends stood by me. she eventually started talking to me again, and i forgave her. it was extremely hard thought at the time. we get caught up in adult life and don't realize how important these things are to younger ppl. if this was happening to my little girl, i would see if i could arrange a meeting with the principle, the bully, her mother, and myself and my daughter, got all that : ) and i would sit down and let them hash it out and talk with the other adults about discipline. no one deserves to live in fear of another kid that is absolutely powerless except in making it hard to concentrate on her school work. good luck, and tell her it'll get better!

Answer 11

ok i am 15 and i just had a recent fall out JUST like this.

1. she needs to find new friends. ones who will not do this immature crap to her.

2. notify the kids parents. i know it sounds very childish, but if the kids either stop bullying her or get grounded which do u think there gonna choose?

3. THE MOST IMPORTANT: tell your niece....that if they touch her.....you can press charges. when i was being bullied my mom told me that if they touched me in or out side of school she would file a lawsuit. and it's true.

if NONE of those work.....transfer her to a new school. or homeschooling. but i hope it doesnt resort to that.

im sorry this had to happen and good luck=]