How can I convince my parents that me moving out is a good thing?

Question

I am not exaggerating at all on any of this. My parents are very unsupportive in general of my dreams, so of course, when I say I want to find a good job in a town about an hour and a half away and move there to rent an apartment with a friend, they get all angry about it. Plus, my mom is all paranoid about me having to drive myself in the winter when it snows and she thinks I'm going to automatically be mugged everywhere I go. They also think I should live at home for a long time and save up money and that I won't be able to afford living out somewhere, but I am definitely ready for my independence. I am 23 and recently graduated college, so it's not like I'm barely out of high school. The jobs I'm looking at pay around $25,000 a year, so I think that is plenty to afford to live somewhere with a roommate. Shouldn't my parents be glad that I don't want to stay at home and be a bum forever? I can understand a little disappointment, but why do they act so angry about it?

Answer 1

Hi, your question hits home for me. My friends daughter is moving in with me as her first step to moving out on her own, she is 18. I am a half way house kinda thing. Her parents behavior was similar to your parents, they wouldn't teach her to drive to keep her close to home! She lives in CA now I am on the east coast. She is moving here in two weeks! You seem to have your head on straight, your parents don't seem to be able to let go, you need to push forward anyways. Make plans to move, find an apt and a job. Set a date and get motivated. At 23 it is time for you to be on your own. Your parents may be mad for a while but in reality they are sad, you are their baby even though you are all grown up, they just want the best for you and you need to realize that. Be gentle but firm with them. Make your plans and visit home often so they know they haven't lost their child. Keep them informed, as far as how much you should make, depends on where you live. I think it sounds reasonable but if you are in CA or NY it may not be enough. Be patient and push forward, you are an adult and only you can know what is right for you but at 23, MOVE OUT! it is time! Good Luck!

Answer 2

Your parents are always gonna feel this way, because you're their little girl, and them being protective is just something that a parent does. The thing that you have to do is just do what you think is best, the roommate thing might be a possible obstacle if they dis approve of this person. And , if you do get a roommate really give that some big consideration, because I had tried that before and there are lots of problems with a roommate, like not contributing fully or your apartment becomes party central when you have to work the next day. I would suggest that if you get a roommate that you get one that works with you, or one that has the same goals as you, and won't be a "burr in your saddle. Letting go is not ever easy between a parent and their child, but in time they will recover.They always do :)
By no means am I trying to influence you one way or another, I think that independence is great. And everyone should be entitled to prove that they are responsible. It carries a lot of responsibility, and that might be what your parents are concerned about, if not you, it might be the roommate. Just something that you should look at...!
I wish the best for you and your folks in your possible transition.
ONE MORE THING: Should you move out, promise them that you will call them on a regular basis and that you will see them on every, or every other weekend, TRUST THIS; they will love it!!!

Answer 3

Give them reasons why you want to move out of their house. Maybe get a friend too stay with you and re-assure your parents that you'll be safe. Maybe move to a place that is so snowy in the winter so they dont have to worry so much. MOve into a house or apartment near them so they can check on you every once and a while. Or make an aggrement that you will stay in the city you live in now for a year and if that doesnt work out move back with them. I hope i helped out alittle.

Answer 4

There are 2 sides to every story.They would like to see you set up with some money behind you like I want my daughter to do when she is an adult.Prepare a budget of living expenses so that you can show your parents.Its not that easy being financially independent.I suggest also that you get a job first.In a nut shell your parents hate the the thought of losing you.

Answer 5

Because they are looking at you as their little girl, worry about things you arent looking at, going into debt, not having enoung debt, what if you dont get this job etc. I think you should do what makes you happy, you are 23, you have to learn from good and bad decisions, they just seem to want to protect you,thats all, they dont know they are being overbearing. Make sure you have a good solid roommate who wont skip out on you or the rent......

Answer 6

Parents will always worry! Whether they want you to futher your education or they worry about your room mate or simply you may not keep in touch! After, you've been gone for awhile and show them that if you make mistakes ,you can/will work through them.Of course,they want to hear from you and support you in all situations! When you show them that you are a responsible adult.They won't be upset anymore.but,this is the point they were raising you for -to be independant and live your life!

Answer 7

If your the youngest (not sure if you are), than its cause they don't want to lose you and have to admit that your grown up.
I'm 23 and just returned from 8months overseas, and before that I had lived out of home for 4 years - but parents never want to admit that their children are grown up & adults.
My brother is 33 and my mum won't admit he is an adult, he has lived on his own for 15yrs, but parents still want to think of their children as needing them -not being independent.

Answer 8

I know you care about your parents feelings and all, but you are 23. Who cares? Move out because you are 23 and you have finished needing to depend on them. That is what grown ups do.
Be nice, be firm, be responsible, and just do it.
If they don't like it or give you greif, just ignore it. Otherwise, you are going to be 30 living with your parents. You have to stand up to them and stand up for yourself and just go for it.

Answer 9

i know this may sound stupid.. but i just recently told my parents that i needed to grow up and become an adult... also that the area that i was moving to provided me with more opportunities to succeed in area i work in, and that i did not want to drive an hour each way everyday....

my parents are extremely conservative and i have also managed to tell them that i may find the 'right' guy... in that area too ( i obviously dont want to get married but who knows i might meet someone)

Answer 10

sounds a little familiar, mine were like that too. they're afraid to let you go; you're their baby. try telling them that you can't be dependent on them forever and that you need to learn to do some things on your own. you'll never develop into yourself if you stay at home with your parents forever. assure them that you'll be safe, you're not stupid, you'll take whatever precautions are necessary and check in with them often. good luck!