where can I learn how to deal with the physical and emotional abuse of my father?

Question

I am a 39 year old male who has suffered from physical and emotional abuse as a child. I haven't been able to heal at all. I am wondering is there anyway I might get some help?

Answer 1

There is most certainly a way that you could get some help. More than likely, you are suffering from symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (of course, you would need a thorough evaluation to formaly make this type of diagnosis). This is usually the case when one has suffered abuse or traumatic experiences in the past and continues to suffer from intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and possibly even flashbacks of the traumatic events. I feel this is one of the most under diagnosed illnesses. It is an anxiety disorder. If in fact, you do have PTSD, then, in my clinical opinion, the absolute best treatment should involve a therapist/clinician who is trained in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). This is a treatment modality that can help decrease or even resolve the symptoms of PTSD. It works great, takes less time then traditional psychotherapy and thus is less expensive. I have found that EMDR works greatest when one is dealing with a single trauma (like a rape, car accident, single beating, etc.) But, it still can help with the more continuous type of trauma you describe from your childhood. Other treatment modalities would include psychotherapy and possibly even medications. The good thing is, there is help for you and you do deserve to feel better. The EMDR really helps with the negative cognition one often develops with childhood abuse (It's my fault, I deserved it, I'm worthless anyway") That sort of stuff. Having those "automatic negative thoughts" reprocessed can do wonders for you. Good luck and feel better.

Answer 2

Get your dr. to make a appointment with a shrink . sorry don't know how to spell the proper word for that kind of dr.
by talking to the shrink you will or should be able to get all the
the bad feeling you are carrying inside of you out in the open . most times talking really helps . its like taking a heavy burdon off your shoulders and maybe then you can over time be able to put the past in the past where it belongs .your are now and adult and your father can no longer do these things to you . don't let what your father did take over your life. there are some things we have to just let go of to lead a happy fullfiled life

Answer 3

I think it is important to accept that your father's behavior was clearly out of your control, and his abuse was inhumane. The physical wounds heal, it's the emotional hurts that drag on and stop you from establishing or maintaining adult relationships. Oftentimes, it is best to remove yourself from those that hurt and abused you, so that you may heal and move on with your life. It's also important for you to believe that it is your father who is weak and lacking, not you. Wanting and reaching out for love and acceptance from family is a normal response. When that desire isn't filled, people seek out destructive behavior trying to bury their pain, and never fully recover. Knowing you have not been able to move on is a step towards recovery, and counseling or some sort of support group may be the therapy you need to move on. Families are complex, and most are dysfunctional in some manner, whether it is withholding love and attention, or being overly protective, or addiction issues. Talk to someone at your local mental health clinic, and let your feelings of hope and despair pour out. You are not what your father is/was, his abuse needs to stop now, don't let his control in the past, lock you up in the present. You are in control of your life now, allow yourself to love you, you are special and worthy. Take care, feel free to email me if you would like to talk more privately.

Answer 4

I think it was Margaret Thatcher the one who said that we are the only ones with power to make others make us feel wrong. I cant really understand human nature, sometimes pushed by desire, sometimes lust, sometimes greed... But deep inside in everybody´s hart there is something warm that makes the world go round. Forgive yourself and forgive everything wrong anyone could have done to you. I'm sure that, in some other way, you are stronger than the rest of people who never experienced something like that. May I recommend you a book? It is called "Plato not Prozac" by Lou Marinoff. It has helped me a lot.

Answer 5

A few good reads... The Dance of Anger, The upside of Anger, and TOXIC PARENTS. If your parent is not the listening type that is so in denial and delusional about what really happened, write them a letter. This way they cannot interrupt you when you are 'getting it out' . Some parents have such convoluted memories, it's not even funny. Your other option is that if you do not want to confront them, learn to forgive and move on. They can no longer hurt you and you no longer have to be related to them if you chose not to.

Answer 6

There are support groups in many communities for adult children of abusive parents. There is a lot of healing in groups of people who have experienced similar situations, and there are many many people who have suffered as you have.

Check with your mental health dept, or social services. They may be able to steer you in the right direction to find help.

Answer 7

Contact at least 2, maybe 3, psychologists. Ask each one to describe how they would help you. Then choose one or none.

If you try to get your health insurance to pay, there is likely to be a permanent record. So paying yourself might avoid that being known when you're done.

Don't see a psychiatrist unless you're unafraid of being prescribed drugs. I'd be afraid.

Answer 8

I think you need to visit a psychologist to talk about what used to happen to you. You need to physically talk about it to get it off your chest. Abuse is a difficult thing to cope with, and it's not something to get over. I'm sure you are traumatized by it. You may not believe me, but talking about things help a lot. A psychologist will talk you through it and help you to let go of it.

Answer 9

yes. First go to a family doctor or general practice doctor. Tell him or her what you said here. They should be able to point you to help. If you have health insurance, good. If you don't there are programs for the needy. I wish you all the best. Please make an appointment as soon as possible.

Answer 10

See a psychiatrist for therapy.