I am still being punished. How long did it take your families to accept the truth?

Question

I posted this question about a month ago and received wonderful advice and support.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=As7cGiHs1v_73hgOGeTiCyfty6IX?qid=20070504232219AAIgT

After the conversation with my mother, there was my daughters 4th birthday, Mothers Day and now Fathers Day. In addition, a great Uncle passed away which I found out only by the paper.

My Mother has not contacted me in any way, did not call or send her granddaughter a birthday greeting.

How long must I and my family continue to endure being ostracized?

PS:I will NOT ever change my mind or support of my sister's right to be who she is!

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ak8iQtAGaD3gsXczRr.mqZvty6IX?qid=20070504232219AAIgTDU

I re-copied the link , but if that does not work - you may go into my questions asked and look for the one the says "I have a hard question".

Thank you all

To Death - You were wonder to me when I asked my last question. It was you who helped move me from the self pitting wimp back to a fighter and I love you for that.

Thank you!


PS - Mother 's voice mails and emails are the only way that I contact here. My messages are not replied to. (BooHoo).
I guess the once close relationship with my Mother is now a thing of the past since I choose to love and support my sister, It just hurts that a Mother could do this to a child for it is not something I would ever do to my own daugher. Both my duahgters have been raised so differently then myself and my sister.

Thank you all for your comments.

So it will take time and no ones knows for sure how much time it shall take.

I will continue to send cards and leave my weekly message so that they know that I am still here but will not expect anything back in return. They will choose to do so on their own. I will dedicate my life and energy to those of my children and hold fast to the family that loves and supports us. My Sister and her partner (including their children) will always remain close to my heart and members of MY family. Nothing will ever change that!

Thank you all, though there is still much pain, your words have helped to guide me to the continuing love and joy that I have with the family I have.

Peace & Love Sam

Reply to Summer
“Are you not coming out here and feeling the terrain?”
No, I came here to for the direct purpose of obtaining knowledge from those who may have gone through what I am going through now.

“Sam.... Is your sister, you?”
No, My Sister is my Sister and I am me. We are two different people entirely.

“everyone addresses your relationship with your mom”
Of course they did. That was what the two questions were about.

In reply to the no mention of my father and my husband:
Our father was an abusive drunk who my Mother divorced when I was five years old and allowed no contact with him or his family. He was a racist and a bigot and killed myself with alcohol. My husband is very angry with my Mother for the way she is treating me and ignoring our 4 year old. He is hurting as well. My Sister and Nephew live far away and we do not see much of each other. We do talk and write though and rather then talk about my mother, I talk to my nephew about what is going on

in his life. He is 17 and girls, cars and football is what he likes to talk about. He is mad at his Grandma and thinks she is stupid and wants nothing to do with her because of what she is doing to his Mom.

I came here to help myself get a better understanding. If I can help myself understand, then I am in a better position to help others. Selfish of me, yes I know.

Edit:
"He was a racist and a bigot and killed myself with alcohol."

should read -
He was a racist and a bigot and killed himself with alcohol.

Answer 1

Hi, firstly I must say that I am extremely impressed with your choice to stand by your sister no matter what. If we all had someone to be by our side every step of the way the "coming out" transition would be much more easy and comfortable. Now as for your mother, I honestly believe that she will eventually come around. If you all were as close as you say you were she will definitely seek her daughter sooner or later. You must understand her religious views and understand that she is probably in deep prayer right now asking God for understanding and guidnace. If this is in fact the case then you don't have much to worry about because God will surely send her to you, and remind her that she is to the sin and not the sinner. This is a hurtful time for her, she most likely feels like she is the blame andn she also may feel that you betrayed her. Just leave her alone, continue to pray for her and give her her much needed space and before it's said and done she'll call. God Bless.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, some people are never ready to let go of the dreams and hopes they had of their children, and accept their children as the wonderful, but imperfect, beings they really are.

Your Mum has obviously got a lot of emotional pain to deal with.

Don't shut the door. Continue to send a card on her birthday, remember all the special occasions. Send an invitation by card or email when you are having a family gathering.

The day may come when the reality of her life finally hits home. That she has two loving daughters and grandchildren who would like her to be part of their lives.

That is so MUCH more than many many people have.

So you are not the 'dream children' she imagines ~ you ahve your own lives, beliefs and loyalties. Good for you! She raised strong kids, and if she lets you, you will make her proud.

I am proud to read your story of support and love for your sister, you are a good sister and you are a good daughter, and an honest one. What use is a relationship built on lies, even polite ones?

Of course you are in pain from your Mum's actions, but you have your child and your sister ~ you have family.

You are lucky, and it's not by accident :-) Leave the door open and wait for your Mum to realise how much she wants to come inside the circle of loving warmth you have created.

Very best wishes :-)

Answer 3

First off, good for you for sticking with your sister.

Second, the fact that you had to find out that your uncle died through the paper, is disturbing. However, you have to try to be patient with your mother, for your entire family's sake. This will probably take a while for her to accept.

At the same time, I think it is wrong for her to ignore your family. If she normally sends cards for birthdays, or at least calls, then she's definitely not doing the right thing. She should NOT take out her feelings on your child, who is totally unrelated to the matter and doesn't deserve it anyway.

So while she may need some space, you may want to let her know what you're feeling so she has time to think that through as well.

Hope I helped.

Answer 4

Sweety...I'm so sorry your mother has done this to you and your family. That stinks!

I remember talking to you about this before...

You know, you're sister is probably going through this too. You two have to stick together and become your own family. If your mother is so cold hearted that she cannot love her daughters unconditionally...that's her loss. You must be the role model for your daughter and show her the unconditional love you've shown to your sister. Both you and your sister must be her family for her.

Everyone really does get two families. The one's we are born into and the one's we create.

I was lucky, my family accepted my coming out just fine and absolutely adore my partner. But my partner hasn't been as lucky. When she came out to her mother, her mother asked her to never speak of it to her father or brother. So, on holidays I'm not welcome...nor is the son my partner and I have raised together.
Her family has missed out on having a grandchild all because of her mother.

But...my son has never lacked in love. He knows who his family is and that we're always there for him no matter what. My brother and sister-in-law had always been very supportive and we raised our children to be close. (Sadly my sister-in-law passed away....I think I mentioned that before) but her daughters and my brother are still close with us.

The good thing is that my partner did actually come out to her Uncle and Aunt and they have been wonderfully accepting too. So, at least my partner does still have some family.

Answer 5

I think it's very admirable of you. I put my sister in the same pedestal as yours did and told her and asked her to keep it a secret. I thank her for doing that for me. Unlike yourself she got a bit iffy when my mother found out I was gay.

I think that your mother is the biggest loser in this situation. She has to expect and hope that her children talk to each other - especially if they can't to her. I think she is luckily to have such close children.

She will lose out because she will lose the respect of yourself and your sister. She will also miss out on the joys of seeing her grandchildren grow up. When she finally comes around she will regret all that she has done.

As to what you can do - let time be the answer. If your mother doesn't want anything to do with you all she will be a very lonely. You will also feel lonely but know that because of your actions you have gained the respect of family and us yahooers.

Answer 6

Some people do not bend. My mother in law never accepted anyone for being individuals. I have left her son (5 yrs ago) and she still says we are all going to hell.
I find the easiest way to stick out the storms is to bend.
If she chooses to miss out on yours and your families lives, that is truly her loss.
I know it hurts, but you can't change her.
To quote my favorite movie, "if it don't kill us we got to stand it, Jack. For as long as we can ride it. There ain't no reins on this one"
That is the way life is.

Answer 7

You do not have got to do any that. you might have survived this lengthy in disbelief. God's grace has performed that for you. "You have the energy to supply existence and take it together with your tongue," cautious of what you assert approximately those matters that might be injurious to you within the 2x4. do not speak like that, taking into consideration any one harm isn't humorous. I misplaced my possess son in a terrible auto twist of fate whilst He used to be 18. he used to be actually decapitated. do not scoff at existence and wellness pal, this can be a blessing to be good. If they do not take delivery of you, there are extra fish within the sea. bait your hook for fish you'll be able to fry.

Answer 8

i admire your sisters courage. i have known for 2 years that i am bi and i still dont have the courage to tell my family.i have only told my friends and my cousin. i think it is sweet how you protect your sister and how close you are.i also can tell you are upset that your family will not talk to you. for that i admire your courage.

i cant tell you how long it will take but for your sake i hope it is soon. ill pray for you.
love lots,
karly

Answer 9

some parents just will never accept the news of this. hopefully yours will come around

Answer 10

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