When do you know enough is enough and to just get a divorce?

Question

I have been with my husband for 9 years and married for 5. We have 3 small children and he has cheated on me three times that I know of. I love this man to death but when is enough, enough. I have stayed with him through so much, but I just keep getting hurt in the end.

I have been with my husband for 9 years and married for 5. We have 3 small children and he has cheated on me three times that I know of. I love this man to death but when is enough, enough. I have stayed with him through so much, but I just keep getting hurt in the end. It doesn't make sense either why doesn't he just leave. Sometimes he tells me I should leave becuse I deserve better. all the men in his family cheat so it seems he sees nothing wrong with it. He knows right form wrong. I also know is he loved me the way he says he does he wouldn't keep doing this. The weird thing is I still love him and I wish I didn't. Any advice??

It doesn't make sense either why doesn't he just leave. Sometimes he tells me I should leave becuse I deserve better. all the men in his family cheat so it seems he sees nothing wrong with it. He knows right form wrong. I also know is he loved me the way he says he does he wouldn't keep doing this. The weird thing is I still love him and I wish I didn't. Any advice??

Answer 1

Ask yourself the Big Question:

"Am I better off with him or without him?"

Your answer is your course of action

Answer 2

As soon as you leave him he's going to appear so honey sweet and be beaming with undivided attention for you. While you're with him, you're allowing this behavior to continue. He's going off with these woman who are trash for sleeping around with a married man with children, and then he comes home to you and gets the married life too. This is not how it goes. If you're still having a romantic sex life with him, it's waaaay past the time to stop. Not only because you don't know what he may have gotten from these women, but because he needs to see straight. If the reason he is cheating is because he isn't getting any action from you, well then that makes it a little more complicated. If he's not willing to work on your sex life and his attention span and patience is so shot that he turns to skanky women, then the answer is still to leave him. I would not tolerate adultery in a marriage. It would be a zero tolerance rule. If you're out and about after the separation/divorce and he sees that you've gotten a make over and went to dinner with some stud, he'll be remorseful, but just remind him who had to stay home with the kids all those nights while he was out bonking some Betty in the back of her house on wheels.


Sorry to hear the relationship got this bad. Good luck!

Answer 3

You need to realize that you deserve better than that. Why would you think that it's ok for him to cheat on you over and over? You are saying that it's not ok, but you haven't done anything about it, so your actions are showing him that it is ok. The only way he is going to stop cheating on you is by you leaving. Let him cheat on someone else! You are not doing yourself, or your children any favors! Maybe some counseling would help? For you that is, just to get some idea of how this is really affecting you. Are you sitting home thinking that for some reason you deserve this? He does not love you! People who love each other do not cheat, period. Have respect for yourself and your children and get out. Good luck!

Answer 4

I must say this to you. I am too married , I have 2 children, we are separated and he is seeing other women. I completely understand where you are coming from. Look at the situation, examine yourself and think about the goods and the bads from your past. You have to dig deep in your heart and decide " I am going to make this work" or "I can't take this anymore". But before doing so make sure you have dotted all of your "i"s and crossed your "t" s with yourself. If you want to be with this man I say do anything in your power to make things work, but make sure you both are happy. Remember that a man, ANY MAN, wants us to be at least 3 of the 4: A Mother, Lover, Friend and Slut!!! Go to marriage meetings, attend church together and make time for just the two of you. Let Go and Let God, girl. Keep praying. No one here can tell you when enough if enough, you have to know on your own. I can only say, be careful and specific about what you pray for, cuz the "Man Upstairs" hears you well. Good luck!!!

Answer 5

What's love without his actions that show the love

It's father's day and you're on the net asking about a divorce - we know what you want to do, but that doesn't always make it easily possible. Being a single mom is tough...being a single mom of 3 little ones is tougher, but people have done it.

If you are stilling having sex with your husband then you are also aware that your health could be at stake as well -

if you have family that you can move in with - do it now while the children are younger. your guy doesn't seem to believe in your vows and that he has to be accountable for his actions -

if you don't have family then it is a tougher decision -
financial stability for the children v. an emotional challenged household - which is the lesser of two evils?


Best wishes and thoughts -

Answer 6

When you decide you aren't going to take any more. When you decide that what your children are being taught is that you are a door mat, and that's not what you want them to think.

For me, I made two lists. One list was all the reasons to stay married. The other was why I shouldn't. The list with the reasons to stay was really small. The reasons to get out was huge. I put them away, and revisited them a few months later. I moved most of the things from the reasons to stay off, and added some on why I should go. I realized that I didn't want my daughter growing up thinking THIS was a normal marriage.

So, I got out.

You'll make your own decision in your own time, and in your own way. It'll either be to stay...or to leave. You're the only one who can decide.

Answer 7

Sure. Marital counseling would be the nail for this coffin. If he can say the same things in front of a professional counselor, she will expose him basically as the lying skunk he is. It will make it harder for you to delude yourself into thinking he really really loves you more than the others.
You're playing russian roulette with your marriage. Let him get by cheating three times and maybe the 8th time will be the charm - the time when he decides he really enjoys sex so much more with a certain woman who doesn't want to stay his mistress that he will dump you and the kids. It will happen.

Answer 8

When a lot of people tell you. That is enough. You can end up dead without your children if you stay in this. You can get HIV and who knows how your body would handle it and if or not it would develope into aids quickly. You can also get HPV the kind that gives you cancer and they are out there. Mostly everyone in the us that are sexually active has a form of HPV. So if you get that and it turns to cancer you can die possibly from that and leave your kids

You can set a horrible example for your children that its okay for the guys to cheat and their women will have to put up with it. and its okay for your girls to get cheated on they have to take it and be sad everyday and worried for their health, hell they may contract the disease.

Just a few reasons why its enough.

Answer 9

He doesn't "just leave" because he assumes you'll put up with it. While the circumstances surrounding divorce are relative, I believe that one is necessary when the relationship is irreparably damaged. Even if he never cheated on you again (for fun, let's be silly and assume you could possibly know that for sure), would you honestly be able to forgive and forget?

Me, I wouldn't be able to. I'd get a divorce. I wish more people had a cellular understanding of this, but children would rather have parents who are happily divorced rather than unhappily married.

Answer 10

Well, there's no easy answer.

There's the obvious choice to say that you should pack up and leave. Then there's the idea of settling things in court and hopefully you're capable of taking care of the children. There's also the notion of having your children raised in a disjoint family. Then again, having them raised in a family where the father is cheating isn't setting a good example.

Overall, I'd suggest leaving... though this is so much easier said than done... and the sooner the better.

Answer 11

Since you love him, leaving him would most likely be more hurtful that staying with him. My friend married a guy who cheated on her more than 20 times. I used to ask her why she didn't either divorce him or kill him. Her answer was this: "if I leave him, I will be alone with 3 children to raise by myself and he will just go on with his life and find someone else. I'd rather stay with him & make the rest of his life miserable." I know how much it hurts to be cheated on, but I wouldn't make my life worse by becoming a single mother. The odds of finding a decent man who is willing to take on a divorced woman and 3 children are very slim. Fight for your man. Don't let another woman take him away. Is he having long-term affairs with other women, or is he having one-nighters and never seeing them again? If it was happening to me, as a wife, I would find the female who is messing with my husband and confront her. I would make her life as miserable as possible. Your husband will think twice about messing around if he knows you are going to fight for him and not just belly-up. Your children need their dad in their lives. Fight for what is yours. Hire a private investigator to document evidence and confront all involved. You can make it so unpleasant that your husband won't want to even think about seeing someone else.