Ok, so my elder sister who is 32 is getting married soon & hasn't asked me to be her bridesmaid. I've always talked to her about it and told her how i couldn't wait until the day when i would be her bridesmaid since i was a child. She is my eldest sister and i love her and tell her everything we are very close. I've always looked up to her and admired her for everything she has gone through and done. She tells me that she is to have her daughters as her bridesmaids and no one else as it would be too hard to decide whether to have me and my sister also as bridesmaids or her friends. So to me this makes me feel that i mean as much to her as her friends? I am extremley hurt by this as i've always dreamt of the day to see her get married but now i'm just going to be a guest along with my other sister. I just can't understand her. Am i being selfish? Or do you agree that she is putting her friends before her family like she always has and leaving her baby sisters out?
2007-06-17 09:30:49 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Well, when my aunt married my uncle she didn't ask me to be in her wedding, instead she asked my younger cousin from another state and her best friend. I was insulted, but happy that I was invited to the wedding. You have every right to be hurt by this gesture, but if she includes you in her wedding then who else does she have to include? I don't think it's that she keeps you at the same level as her friends, it's just that it would get expensive an complicated if she makes you a bridesmaid and then has to make other sisters bridesmaids as well. Why not try and ask her if there's anything you can do to help with the wedding? Like maybe help decorate...plan seating arrangements, things of that nature? I'm sure she would love the help because weddings are stressful and that way she won't feel so horrible about making the decision to not have you as a bridesmaid.
2007-06-17 09:50:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I think you're making too big a deal out of this. And yes, you are being a bit selfish.
First, it's her wedding, and as much as I disagree with the "it's my wedding day so it's okay if I hurt anyone because it's ALL ABOUT ME" attitude a lot of brides have, your sister does not have to have her wedding based on what your dreams have always been. It sounds to me that you've always assumed (possibly without her acknowledgement) that you would be honored (which is what a bridesmaid is).
Your sister made a great decision when she chose her daughters to be bridesmaids over you and your other sister. That is how it should be. She loves you, but the love for a sister should NOT outweigh the love for a child.
She didn't "put her friends before her family" because her friends are not bridesmaids either. And by the way, I have two sisters, and I can tell you it is NOT an insult to have your relationship as sisters morph into a friendship. Sisters, you're born with and stuck with. Friends, you choose and you stick with because you CARE about them. So stop whining about "feeling like you mean as much to her as her friends" because that ain't bad.
Now, stop crying, stop acting like a bratty little sister and act like a person who wants to love and support her. There is nothing wrong with being "just a guest" because I'm guessing her daughters will not be old enough to do all the traditional MOH or bridesmaids duties, and you and your other sister, and her friends, can step up and do that and enjoy your relationship with her without feeling like she's being mean by not letting you stand up front in a pretty dress and be called "bridesmaid". If you want to be a good sister, start acting like one, and do what you can to help your sister have a great wedding planning process, a great bridal shower or brunch, a really fun bachelorette party... see if she has any particularly irksome jobs that she can pass on to you to save her the time and headache. DO something helpful, and you'll be doing what you SHOULD be doing if you were a bridesmaid: being a helper to the bride.
2007-06-17 10:05:54 · answer #2 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think she is trying to make sure that her daughters feel that this is their day too. Afterall her relationship with her new husband will affect them as well. By having her daughters as bridesmaids she is showing them that they are now going to be a family. Having others in the wedding party would make it less of a "family" coming together. Try to understand that it is important for families blending together to start on the right foot. I'm sure in no way is she viewing you as "just another guest". I'm sure it means a lot to her to have you at the wedding. What she needs is your love and support. Maybe ask if you can do a reading at the service or see if there is something else you can do to be part of her day.
Good luck and please try to understand.
2007-06-17 11:10:38 · answer #3 · answered by cookie 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is HER wedding, not yours. Instead of thinking about yourself and your own feelings, focus on your sister and stop being so self-centered and selfish. For girls with more than one sister, it's often difficult to decide who should be a bridesmaid and who shouldn't. One of my very good friends recently got married, and she has 4 sisters. Rather than having to choose between the four to decide who would be the maid of honor, she chose a friend to whom she's not related to be her maid of honor - it was easier than favoring one sister over another and risking hurting someone's feelings.
I'm assuming you're an adult - as such, you should have gained some maturity by now. Help your sister with anything she needs help with, and at her wedding, sit in the front and smile your biggest smile - this is the happiest day of her life, and she should be able to plan it without worrying about you throwing a fit.
2007-06-17 12:46:48 · answer #4 · answered by greeneyes_bjb 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She can ask whoever she wants to to be in her wedding party, just because she did not ask you does not mean you mean less to her than you thought.
She said she's only having her daughters as bridesmaids, so I don't get where you think that you mean less to her than her friends do and where you think she is putting her friends before family.
Enjoy being a guest. Now you can sit down and watch her get married instead of standing through a long ceremony.
People are not required to have family in their wedding party.
Even if she DID have her friends in the wedding party, that does not mean that you mean less to her than you think.
So yes, you are being very selfish.
2007-06-17 11:38:29 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you are overreacting. Your sister is trying to avoid hurting anyone by only having her daughters stand for her. They are the most important bridesmaids. I planned my wedding, i have a large circle of family of friends. My kids were ring boy and flower girl as they are very young. And only sisters in the party. To avoid hurting friends by picking one and not the other. In your sisters case, she doesn't have to look any farther than her kids, as i would have done, had they been old enough. There are friends that are still upset 2 years later cuz a sister that i'm not as close to as i am with my friend was in the wedding. Long story short, by not putting herself in a spot to explain, why a best friend got cut, she made a good choice be happy and let her have her moment. her way.
2007-06-17 09:47:56 · answer #6 · answered by bluemoca_1 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She is not choosing her friends over her family. You said her daughters will be bridesmaids and that's it. There are any number of reasons why she may want to have a small bridal party. You are being selfish, be happy for her and support her on her wedding day. If you want offer to do a reading or hand out programs for her.
It is not like she asked her friend to be a bridesmaid and left you out. She is restricting bridal party to her daughters only.
2007-06-17 09:43:46 · answer #7 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
" I've always talked to her about it and told her how i couldn't wait until the day when i would be her bridesmaid since i was a child"
I - I - I . . . no WE in there, does that tell you anything? I think that you are selfish, her daughters should be in the party, yes you winning would make your other sister lose who you should care about also and I know my friends are like my family and I look at my girls like sisters. So yes you are selfish, get over it it's her day!
2007-06-17 09:43:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
You are not necessarily being selfish, just expressing your hurt. Although you have always wanted to be in her wedding since a child, things change. She's an adult now with her own children and of course she would want them in her wedding above any others. Personally I would have no problem choosing between my family or friends as I would choose my sisters.
2007-06-17 10:00:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's not putting you at the same level as her friends. She just wants to have a small wedding party with only two people standing up so she just asked her daughters. I could see you being upset if she asked your other sister and not you, but she didn't do that. And, I could see you getting upset if she asked on of her friends, but not you, but she didn't do that either. And, how fair would it be if she asked you and left out one of her own daughters? Your sister only wants to have two people standing up. So, she's being very fair by making those two people her own daughters. Please be happy for your sister. She loves you.
2007-06-18 10:29:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋