How can I tell my mom i wanna quit?

Question

I'm 18 and I'm mormon but I want to quit going to church, the only reason I'm going is because my mom wants me to. Whenever I tell her don't wanna do something church related she'll start putting me on a guilt trip and everything. How can I tell her I wanna quit the Mormon church and that it should be my decision?

we get along very well, but when it comes to religion we always argue.

Answer 1

I understand the challenge you face. For those who have never been a member of the church do not understand how involved the church is in your families life. Often everyone you know or most folks you know are members. It is very difficult to break away from the church. I was a member for about 7 years and I decided that it was not for me anymore. Thankfully my wife was with me in the decision to quit. It was hard to make so many friends and have relationships that I knew would not continue. Elder dinners were always fun. Believe in yourself and do what you feel in your heart is right. I understand. I am now a Christian and go to a Calvary Church. I am so happy that I made the change. I could never get my head around no coke, caffeine and ughhhh not even a wine cooler. It is nice to think for yourself and draw your own conclusions. I wish you the best. I know what you are going thru. I believe that it will be hard for your mom to accept at first. In time she will understand. It is better to be honest now.
Most people do not understand what is invloved with the church, temple, baptizing the dead, temple work, special underwear. It is too much! Singles ward, kids going on 2 year missions. I always thought that their was such a lack of freedom and free thought. You home teach, you have a home teacher, family home evening. Your whole life gets consumed to the point where you have no life. I used to spend 4 hours every Sunday in the ward. I do not miss it. I believe God is everywhere and that anyone that believes in God will be in heaven. Not just mormons.
Stand up for yourself and your own thoughts and feelings. You are a adult now and you know what you believe in.
Stick to your guns.

Answer 2

By any chance are you going to be going away to school? I'm thinking it might be easiest if rather than get into a fight that won't be pleasant, you just quietly start doing you own thing for awhile. If you will be away at college, you can do what you want (or nothing) religiously, and when you visit your Mom can see you are still the good, decent person she raised. THEN maybe you could talk about it, and you could let her know you wanted a break from services, but how the lessons she and your family taught you are still there.

Do you see where I'm going? Rather than make it a big fuss and fight, do it slowly over time. And do it with respect--you want that back from her right? It might take time, but it might help a little bit if you at least gave that to her too.

I totally understand why you would want to be able to tell her your decision, but rememeber you are at an age where parents are scared anyway. I think if you can do it gradually it might be easier for both of you. From what you say she isn't going to back down, so will fighting about it really accomplish anything?? No matter how much you want it to.

If you aren't going away, maybe you can tell her you want to do less church activities for awhile because you are doing so much they feel like obligation not what you want to do. And you want to go only if it feels right. Or whatever the truth is. But see how I'm saying the truth (as I think you should) without making her feel like she failed or you like will be ruined etc. I can't see her changing her mind instantly, so my suggestion is patience and finding a way to slowly move away from the church and find out where it is YOU want to worship or what you believe.

But then again if you feel you must tell her you want to quit, I'd look at if this is as much about quitting as it is taking a stand with her. Just something to think about.

I think Matt gave some great insight into what you must be feeling...something I don't totally get being raised in a different faith (but having Mormon friends in the past I understand it). But what I tried to do is give you some ways to do it that might calm down the situation versus repetative big fights that will only aggravate you both. Hopefully you can physically get away for awhile...I think that would do you a lot of good for several reasons!

Best of luck with it.

Answer 3

Tell her that while you are appreciative of her wanting to share her religion with you, you have decided that maybe being a Mormon isn't whats best for you. Tell her (in a nice way) that you want to try to explore other things and that you hope she supports your decision. Make sure she's in a good mood when you bring this up, and preface it by saying that while certain things are right for some people, they may not be right for everybody.

Answer 4

That will be a tough one, but it can be done. Mormons expect that we would leave our church and come to theirs. What you are doing is the reverse. I told my parents that I was leaving the church that they raised me in to join another. It hurt them, but that was my choice and I have stuck with it for quite a few years.
How you tell her depends on your relationship with her. It is something that you need to do in person and when you have time to talk after school or after supper or something like that. It is not the topic for the supper table unless the 2 of you live alone!

Answer 5

The idea that you have to follow whatever your parents say if you live in their house is absurd. What if they asked you to kill? Okay, so that's a crime, but this is about your own beliefs - your own spirituality. If you aren't getting anything out of church, it is not justified for her to make you go. No one can save another person, and if your mind is already closed to the ideas, you aren't going to accept them no matter what. It's your own "soul," if that even exists, so she has no right to force you on this matter.

Parents get too caught up in the "it's my kid" mentality that they forget their child is not an object, but an equal human being, living and breathing and, surprise, thinking.

I went through the same thing, more or less. Somehow I doubt that "strategies" will apply here, so just confront her about it openly.

And... she can't physically make you go, right? Hopefully she wouldn't punish you in other ways, because that would contradict her own beliefs. Love, not judgment.

Answer 6

If you live in her home, she has an expectation of you that does not have to be rational. This is one of them. Unless you can have an open discussion about religion and tolerance, you may wish to hold your tongue for a while.

You can always drive her to church and pick her up three hours later. Just tell her you're going to a 'singles ward'.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

Tell her that you're 18 and should be allowed to make that decision for yourself.

Of course, if you're 18 and over and still living at home, she'll always have that leverage against you.

Answer 9

If she's really religious, there won't be any easy way to do it. I would just say that Church wasn't doing for you what it's doing for her, and you just don't believe in it. While I am a Christian myself, I believe that God wants people to have freedom of religion. Why else would He have given us free will?

Answer 10

Just tell her and refuse to go, the guilt trip attempts will stop after a while