My Son Spit in My Face? (12 yrs old)?

Question

I'm actually on my wife's account, since I didn't find the necessity in making a new one just to ask this question.

My son is 12 years old, and during recent psychological and medical evaluations, no problems or issues were found. His attitude is abominable. I asked him to take out dishes from the dishwasher, and he kept refusing to. I walked up to him, looked at him, and said "I am telling you to put the dishes away!" He then spat in my face. He did this just an hour ago, and I sent him to his room, where he is now. How can I curtail this behavior? My wife is having problems, and so am I. I am at my wit's end. How would you have reacted?

He doesn't have a cold or flu, but this is unacceptable behavior.

I'm surprised, I've seen his friends, and they seem like average, well-to-do 12 year olds.

The problem with the evaluations is that he is on his best behavior during psychological evaluations, and manages to convince the therapist that he is perfectly normal.

Father's Day... ha ha! I didn't even hear a "Happy Fathers Day" from Brendan. I sure as heck wasn't expecting breakfast in bed.

Answer 1

Sending him to his room where all his electronics are is kind of ridiculous. He's 12, not 5.

And spitting in someone's face is not only disrespectful, but it is gross. I would probably smack my kid if they did that. Then, take everything away from them until they gain respect enough to put the dishes up without spitting in my face.

Answer 2

My 12 year old may balk occasionally about loading dishes inof the dishwasher, but he has had that job for a while (we split the chores, and he picked certain ones and I took the others and we made sure it was an even number). So he usually does them when I remind him. When he hasn't wanted to, usually because he is playing a game, I tell him he has to do it soon, but I let him get away with it. This is because he will eventually do those dishes. I would prefer that he hop to it when I remind him, but I know I'm not always in the mood, either.

But my kid does do his chore as a rule. He knows he has to do it, that is his chore and it won't go away. He has never spit in my face although he has glared.

I find it amazing that a father would get that reaction from his son, quite honestly. This is very atypical.

I think you and your wife need to get a list of chores, and tell your son he has to pick 5, that everyone is doing chores. Ask him which 5 he wants.

See, the problem is no one knows how you have been raising this kid. Do you punish a lot? Do you yell all the time? Do you have rules that he has grown up with that he is used to doing, like breathing? Most important, my kid loves me. Does your kid love you? My son was the baby, the daughter who is 2 years older didn't get the same amount of love. She never spat at me, but we don't have the same bond. Thus, she doesn't listen to me as well as my son. That bond of love is sooo important. Your son certainly doesn't respect you. Something is out of whack.

Your boy needs some chores to do, just real life. He will be divorced if he doesn't get used to doing some work. You and your wife know if you haven't been loving to your kid, if you have just had him in your midst and sort of ignored him. If that is the case, that is the problem. You need to include him. But I wouldn't get out the chore list just yet. I'd start by taking him bowling, etc. Just tolerate his resentment for a time. And keep taking him places with you where you do fun guy stuff. then you can bring up the chore list. I'll bet you have ignored your son, and the chickens are coming home to roost. It is going to get really bad in another year or so when he's a teen. So start the bonding experiences right away. Start off with fun stuff, then everyone do chores and he has to help out as a member of the family.

Answer 3

Wow. That's pretty serious bad behaviour.

If the evaluations have turned up nothing, this is purely a bad attitude, and needs serious attention. If he is like this at 12, he will likely get worse, before he gets better. This might be a problem that requires professional mediation. Someone needs to come and give the whole family some counselling. A kids that will spit in his father's face is a bit beyond the normal sullen kid thing.

Find out what is available in your area. Chances are there is a lot going on in your son's head that he feels unable to talk about. The problems are likely to be a family-wide issue. He could have issues with you, your wife, or other family members, or even problems with school.

The important thing is not to react negatively, as this will only reinforce his negative behaviour. Make it clear that you are disappointed with his behaviour and withdraw privaleges, but if something deeper is going on here, the last thing he needs is more anger and shouting from you. You need to draw out of him what is going on, and I think that might need some outside help. Try to let him know you are always there if he needs to talk, and see who can get you the family counselling I think you all need here. Chances are there are ways in which all of you can change to make this home a happier, warmer environment.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

Wow. If my son's ever spit in my face, I think I might smack thier spitter right off. (Not serious) But really spitting is one of the most disrespectful things you can do to another person. VERY rude. I would take ALL of his privalages away. TV Phone, Internet, Outside, Stereo...ect. And tell him he can have them back when he gains some respect for others. And being that it's Summer, I'm sure he'll get the clue being that there's no school, and nothing to do. And don't give him all of his things back all at once, make him earn them through good deeds, then when he acts up again take them away. My step son is 12, he doesn't live with us, but I cannot imagine him doing something like that.

Also don't let people tell you he is just being a kid, or becoming a teenager and that's how they are, because that really is unacceptable behavior no matter what age!!

Answer 5

Honestly I have 4 boys of my own with the oldest being 21 now and the youngest 15. I have dealt with many moods and many types of behavior in these years. He needs a reality check dad and by the way Happy Fathers Day. Take all of his privileges away this includes any video games,cell phone,phone calls, visitors,or going anywhere except for where you have to then make him stay with you at all times. Make him work hard for any type of privilege and if he opens his mouth stop him in his tracks stuff a sock in it. I have gone through some sh-- with my boys but never have I been spat on that needs to be a done issue with him and you need to make sure he knows that. Or you can send him to me 2 for weeks I guarantee you and your wife will have your happy little boy back when i am finished with him. I promise good luck. P.s besides the 4 boys of my own I have 5 younger brothers a lot of experience here any other questions just let me know

Answer 6

I am sure this isn't the politically correct answer but.... I would have to smack him in his teeth. Heck maybe even spit on him back. He needs to find out his actions have consequences (the kind that make him most miserable, No TV, friends, playstation) And if he sulks or boo hoo's, let him get over it on his own. He has to learn to recover from his Tantrum on his own. I am sure that some of you and your wife's problems are stemming from him. Don't pussyfoot around with his attitude and behavior. I know I sound harsh but this is just the beginning. As he gets older and larger, he will find his attitude and behavior can get what he wants or what he doesn't want to do. And then, you Won't have any control over him. We have all went through puberty and pushed our parents to extremes but nip this in the bud. And please don't make threats that you will back down from. I am sure you love him dearly but giving him an attitude adjustment will help to prepare him for the real world. Have you ever seen another parent go through something like this? I bet you would be appalled at the way their child treated them. If someone you knew was going through this, What advice would you give them?

Answer 7

Its not uncommon for teenagers to be exploring their independence, as well as their rebellion. However, this behavior certainly is not acceptable. 1. Try having a family meeting once a week to talk about issues in everyone's life. He needs to feel that his voice is being heard and that he's not just always having to take your word for it. 2. Punishment. Whether its not getting to go to a friends house or lossing his video games, etc, he needs to know that you are still in charge and he needs to follow the rules or he will be punished. 3. Rewards. Tell him if he does the chores, obeys, etc, he can have an allowance, or an extra privelege at the end of the week, etc. Let him earn points to get back priveleges he's lost or earn new rewards like going out to eat, renting/going to a movie, extra hour of television, etc.
4. Take him to a school counselor or a psychologist. Some kids just really need extra help getting through anger and rebellion, maybe a proffessional can help
5. Help him take out some anger. Take him running, get him a punching bag, whatever, but re-direct some anger and bitterness and help him get rid of some energy.

Answer 8

You need to get him under control before its too late. Spitting in your face that is gross and he knows it. Your his father, hes not too old to have his bottom spanked. Spank it and then instead of loading the dishwasher, stand there and make him load the sink instead and wash and dry them by hand. Sounds harsh, but he needs to learn respect. You also have to be sure his chores are not all one sided. This means one of two things, everyone sitting down and choosing their chores. Or better still, all work together doing the household chores.

Answer 9

I don't know, but you should take him for more evaluation. It sounds like something was missed there. I can't tell from your description if your parenting skills are in any way at fault, but it would be good for you and your wife to get help from a specialist in dealing with these problems.

Answer 10

This should not be accepted at all you should have some more respect and same with your wife, you should make your son realize that he should listen to elders (especially his parents) and warn him that if he doesn't then you'll stop buying him anything as he doesn't deserve it with this kind of behavior...
If this still happens later than you should slap him once and make him realize that you're older than him and he should respect and do what you ask him to...
Don't take him to psychological counselors as he will be used to it for the rest of his life...