What must it be like for a child growing up gay in a Christian fundamentalist home?

Question

Dr Love ( back from …I think you are confusing homosexuality with homosexual pederasty, heterosexual pederasty is equally common but we don't usually confuse heterosexuality with that either.

Answer 1

I'm sure that comes about as close to hell as I can imagine.

Answer 2

To those who say that being brought up in a fundamentalist (i.e., meaning a family who believes the Bible is the inspired word of God?) home must be a disadvantage is definitely showing not only their bias, but also their ignorance. So is the one who says that same sex attracted teenagers are more apt to commit suicide. This is absolutely false. (See the recent research article reference at the bottom.)

People are all different, no matter what kind of religious, or secular, background they come from. I know very compassionate atheistic and agnostic parents of those who have "come out", and then there's those who aren't at all, even sometimes brutal (i.e., a nominally Jewish agnostic family actually had a funeral service for a friend of mine). My thirty years of experience and observation tell me that this is similar among devoutly religious parents as well.

Why is this? Well, because it really actually depends more on other factors, such as ethnicity, being the only child, whether a son or a daughter (son's get more of a negative reaction), whether the parents, especially the father, suffer from any disability, alcoholism, drug addiction and/or sexual abuse (it's much more common when these scenarios are the case).

Actually, any difference I've seen in comparison to the religious and secular parents has much more to do with the degree of the extreme cases and emotional-relational intensity, rather than a higher correlation of frequency. What I mean by this is that religious folks seem to be more apt to either love their son or daughter more than ever before (i.e., invite them to come back to live with them, spend more time with them), even though they tend to only tolerate, and not to accept their lifestyle; or just the opposite extreme, more apt to ostracise them out of fear and shame of association (i.e., before others in the church or synagogue, somehow feeling that they are to blame). It just depends on some of the other factors, not whether or not they believe or not believe the Bible to be the inspired Word of God, as I said before.

Answer 3

Same as it is for everyone else who has something that doesn't fit into ANY family's "code". I have a grandmother that likes her women quiet, well mannered and subservient. Going to her house is a nightmare for me, because I'm loud and I crack jokes and laugh a lot. Everybody tries to stifle a part of their children or mold a part to be like them. My aunt forced her daughters to be ballerinas and they hate ballet. My dad's forcing me to be a lawyer when I love travelling, acting, and the film industry. It happens. You have to decide if they are right or not and if not, if you are going to break free.
If they are really Christians, then they will at least be able to show the kid that they love him even if they don't approve of his sex life. Just because you disagree with someone doesn't mean you can't show them love. The most awesom, giving, sweet people I know are Christians. The most judgemental and stiff are too. People come in all types, so do Christians. But even the "fundies" have their strengths. I know people who I have thought were stodgy fundies and then a loved one of mine died and it was THEM who opened their home to us. The majority of gay people are depressed, but you can't blame fundies for all of them.

Answer 4

The poor child! He/she is the product of these same parents, yet is shunned by those who are supposed to love and protect them...one of our most outrageous problems in the US...the suicide rate for teens, especially gay teens, is disgraceful here in the US..and then the same parents look to blame everyone/anyone else for their miserable failure. There is little, if any room for insane religious beliefs in any civilized country...we need look no farther than the US and Islam to see this.

Answer 5

My boyfriends brother-in-law is an identical twin. One is gay one is straight. That family is VERY religious. The gay twin had to hide it from his parents for a long time.

Eventually they accepted it, but it took a while.

Answer 6

I guess I have to side with the "fundies" on this one.
Every individual who has children has the right to teach those childern their own values.
You have the right to teach any children you might raise that homosexuality is natural and right. After all, the animals do it, so it must be natural.
I have just as much right to teach my kids that it is unnatural, wrong...and disgusting. And, Sweet Child of Mine, you are not an animal.
I believe that, unless there is some outside interference, kids that are raised in heterosexual Christian families will be just fine. In fact, unless someone comes along and tells them that they are "gay" it won't enter their heads.
I wonder, though, about children being raised in homosexual atheist homes.
If the first thought frightens you...the second one terrifies me.


"Yes, Honey...there really is a monster in the closet!"^

Answer 7

For those Christians who are not willing to accept and love thier children unconditionally for who they are, it would be a very very difficult situation. It would be a living Hell for that child. I would love my sons no matter what and I am a Christian.

Answer 8

Up to the point where they realise Leviticus was mistranslated and in fact condemns paedophilia, it can't be very nice for them to pretend to be someone they arent. But once they come into that knowledge, they should tell their parents their little mistake and live a happy life being who they are.

Answer 9

.. Wow, Sophie, I hope that wasn't a serious response.

It would have to be mental torture, I couldn't imagine it.

.. And to I Am Jack's Wasted Life, follow your dreams! If you want to travel and get into films and all of that stuff, then do it! Regardless of what your father says, it's clear you value his opinion, but it's your life! If you don't want to be a lawyer, then don't.

Answer 10

Miserable. The child would likely grow up with feelings of inadequacy and maybe even feelings of being dirty or wrong.

A huge percentage of teenage suicides are done by those who are gay or transgender etc.

So, uh, it would be real bad. If they were fundies, like.

Answer 11

it's okay until you hit puberty, then you freak out, having been told what monsters gays are, sick, mentally ill, you wind up looking at yourself in the mirror wondering how you could possibly be one of those "things" and then eventually realize you're still okay--lie for a few years and then get kicked out of the house and disowned