Ever since I we have been together my father has always voiced that he did not like my husband. Recently My father did a background check on him (which I feel is none of his buisness) and did not like what he found. I know his past, and I dont hold it against him, however my father has been calling around trying to "recruit" family members to talk me into leaving him and/or finding a way to take our son away. I told him that until he can respect my decisions as an adult he was to stay away from my family, and I do not talk to him any more. Does anyone have any ideas to help this situation? I hate that my son is growing up not knowing his grandfather or grandmother on my side. Help?
2007-06-17 06:25:57 · 24 answers · asked by angela 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
God Bless you. This is tough. Unfortunately, your father made his choice not to have his grandchildren around him. What is in the past is exactly that...."Past". You are a mature adult with a husband and children. Your husband and children is now your family. If your father succeeds in recruiting your "distant" family members against you and your husband he is also doing it to his grandchildren. As long as you and your family is living a good healthy life, and protecting your children from any harm, no court can take your children from you because of the "Past". I feel more sorry for your father, he is ruining his own chances of being a grandfather which is a great honor. Your children are better off not being around him if he continues to down grade your husband, and, their father. When he does this, he is also down grading your children because THEIR family (you and your husband) is who they are. Hang in there sweetie. Scratch your father off. If he comes around and wants to make amendments for his mistakes. Accept and forgive him. Move on without bitterness. Because remember.... The past is just that.... "The Past".
2007-06-17 06:39:37 · answer #1 · answered by Vida 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
My answer would depend on the answer to this question:
"Is your father right or wrong in his opinion of your husband?"
I gather your husband has some criminal past. That would certainly be cause for concern. And you don't say what he did or what makes you sure that he won't do it again. But what is he like now? Is he a law-abiding citizen? Or do you both break the law? If the latter, your father could be right in taking your son. But if your husband is law-abiding, and you are too, no court will take your son away from you. And if your father is that irrational and destructive, it would be better for your son not to know him.
2007-06-17 06:48:27 · answer #2 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you and your father are both head strong! The situation is not going to get any better until one of you decides to try to compromise. Since your father is the older of the two of you it is basically your place to try to effect a compromise. Not talking and him staying away is not the answer. Talk to your husband about it first and make sure the two of you agree. Then take your son to your parents house by yourself and talk to your parents and tell them that you don't want your son not to know his grandparents, but you are going to stay with your husband and what do they think would be a fair arrangement?
Perhaps you and your son, for the time being, could visit them without your husband along. That would be a start.
2007-06-17 06:40:22 · answer #3 · answered by don n 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your father has control issues. If your husband is good to you and you are happy then your father should be supportive. Your dad may think he is looking out for your best interests, but he is causing you pain, so obviously he is not.
I would write him a letter expressing this and leave the ball in his court. You can't change him, but you may be able to open his eyes to how he is hurting not helping you. If you are over 18, he needs to let you live your life and be there for you. Best of luck.
2007-06-17 06:31:03 · answer #4 · answered by crct2004 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say happy to help wasn't too helpful by calling you a fool. Sometimes these situations occur and they are beyond your control and the best you can do is your best in the given situation. Ask yourself "Do I love my husband and are we both willing to make a family unit together?" It is not easy to raise a child on your own. Try not to allow your feelings for your sisters and their feelings for you to cloud your judgement. Perhaps they don't like the thought of losing their brother. He looks after his sisters because he is close to them and although you resent this because of the way they are with you, that will only add fuel to the fire. It is important to show respect for their relationship and set the example so you aren't pulled into behaving in the same manner as they are. inside yourself are the answers to truth and what will be the best. Listen to that and you can get through the situation. All the best to you and your beautiful baby.
2016-05-17 23:09:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the real question is what did your husband do in the past - you cant ask a question like this without telling us -like did he get caught smoking a little pot or did he rape someone ?the two make an enormous difference in the answers you will see here - because people rarely change I am going to ask is it possible that you are blinded by love and your dad just thinks hes looking out for your best interests? I mean what does your father have to gain by doing this ? do you really think he wants to push you away for the rest of his and your life ?
2007-06-17 06:33:10 · answer #6 · answered by rooster 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your son would not benefit being around his grandfather right now. Until dad changes his attitude he would be a bad influence on your son one way or another because if he is talking your husband down to everyone else he will do this with your son too. When you married you committed to your husband first. Your parents take a back seat. Your first allegiance is to your son and husband.
Your son may be missing some things with your parents but your dad is choosing his attitude over his grandson. He could change that anytime he wants. He is an abusive bully who seems to be willing to do anything to get his way. I know I wouldnt want a son of mine around someone like that. I dont think bullies should be rewarded.
2007-06-17 06:34:03 · answer #7 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
...that is a hard question. I think you should tell straight up to your father that his decisions are not what you want, or your decisions. Tell him that your son has never met his grandpa and it would be a sad thing if he never did. Also, tell him happy fathers day! which is today, btw. Your dad shouldn't make you unhappy by telling you things about the past. So what if your husband's past was bad? it is the present now, and if your fathers holds on the past, it will effect your family's future deeply.
good luck!
2007-06-17 06:31:49 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
how typical of a father.
always wanting the best for his daughters.
but he loves u and u saying something like that to ur father is only going to hurt him emotionally n mentally.
he raised u since u were born... he cant handle the fact that his daughter is all grown up with a hubby and a child of her own... and he still has the feeling that he is suppose to protect u... even from ur hubby.
but the best thing to do is simply talk to him without getting angry and try to understand from his point of view and express urs in the end. I mean hes ur hubby u have a child with him and u already know his past its not like hes hiding it from u.
he changed rite?
i mean all men weren't innocent when they were young i mean every one has guilty pleasures of doing something bad. But as they get older they change, they change b/c they have a family and a job and they know they have to start acting their age and they have to accept that they arent the little mischievous boy anymore.
Use that against ur father, question him about his past, and try to explain that ur hubby is a different man now with a family and a child for heavens sake... he cant just tear up ur family.
explain to him that ur not little anymore and u have ur own family to look after and tell him that ur hubby is a wonderful man if he only gave him a chance... dont worry ur dad will get around ;} or u can just threaten him by saying u would hate to c ur child not knowing his grandparents... that always works haha.
good luck babez ;}
2007-06-17 06:34:29 · answer #9 · answered by limebacardi 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you love your husband and already knew about his past then I think you should stand firm on your decision to stand behind your husband. Let your dad know it hurts you that he can't come to terms with your relationship. My mom hates my husband but doesn't voice it so much anymore.In my case my family told me he wasn't welcome at family holidays and such and when I told them if he wasn't welcome then I wouldn't be coming they were upset and finally decided that hating my husband wasn't worth losing their daughter. I love my family very much but my husband is my family now also and I wouldn't give in so they finally accepted it was either gain a son or lose a daughter. Good luck
2007-06-17 06:31:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋