Do you prefer a small wedding or a traditional one?

Question

My boyfriend and I want to get married. My parents are offering us either money or a wedding.

I would like to have just a family dinner and get married at a judge's office. Most people say that I will regret not having a real wedding, because it would be nice to show wedding pictures to the kids.
Now I do not know what to do :-).

Answer 1

Take the money!
Why can't you have pictures of whatever kind of wedding you do??? If you would like to have a bit of wedding pomp and finery, then have a small wedding with a few frills and special touches, but you can plan your decor etc etc without having to invite hundreds of people and spend thousands of dollars.

My friend got married 3 days ago. She had a nice dress (on sale, it was a bridesmaid dress, in white with touches of blue, very beautiful and suited her to a T) and the groom was in his own suit. We did it outside at the community clubhouse, with plans to move inside if the weather was un-cooperative. (We were lucky, the rain held off until after the ceremony, and the approaching storm clouds made for some spectacular lighting and a great rainbow afterwards!) Just the bride, groom, their 4 year old daughter, the officiant (a friend) and my daughter and I were in attendance. I was the photographer and my daughter did video. The bride did her own cake, which was served with sparkling grape juice. The bride and I did her decorations. We fancied up plain wine glasses with beads and ribbon, we made her bouquet and the groom's boutonniere with silk flowers, and decorated a plain little wicker basket for the daughter who was their flower girl.

We used a tablecloth I already had, and borrowed a Christmas arch which we decorated with magnolia, hydrangea, and tulle. (Tulle is cheap and easy to work with.)
We decorated a couple of shepherd's hooks with tulle and flower garland, and hung candle lamps which we made from inexpensive candle holders, glass rocks, jewelry wire and beads. It was truly beautiful, simple, heartfelt, and very inexpensive. Counting everything, including her dress, their daughter's dress, (bought in a post Easter sale) a new tie in matching color for the groom, the decorations, and the fees for the officiant and the club house, the total was under $300. (That total does not include their rings, nor my photography and prints, which I donated as my wedding gift. The prints and film cost me about $50, so that's not a huge expense. However, I am a photographer, so it would have cost several hundred dollars to hire me for a couple of hours.)

You can expand your guest list to include parents and close family and friends. If you have a family member who is handy with a camera, ask them to take some pictures. Or you could hire a photographer for a couple of hours. If you get married on a week day, you will find that a photographer will be cheaper than on a wedding laden Saturday. Also you could check the local college arts program for a talented student, or try craigslist.

You can still have a bouquet and nice dress, even in the judge's chambers. And the wedding will be just a real! And you can have pictures to show your kids! Don't fall victim to the big white wedding industry that will have you believe you can't have a nice, happy wedding without spending thousands of dollars and micro-planning everything to the tiniest detail for a cast of hundreds of people. Have the kind of wedding YOU want, and be happy that neither you nor your parents went into hock to pay for what is essentially a big party.

Answer 2

I think if you are comfortable with that then you should do it. Not everyone has the same taste. I would have liked to have had an elaborate wedding, although I definitely think there is a limit. We planned elaborate, then simple and now have no idea what we are going to do as so much in our situation has changed. The important thing is the marriage though. Regardless of whether you take the money or choose the wedding, the amount will probably be the same, so it really depends on what your priorities are. Even if you have the small wedding you can still have pictures and they dont have to be taken by a professional photographer. Find someone in the family who is skilled at taking good pictures and have them do it.

Answer 3

I would prefer a small wedding so I could invest the money in a house. I'm a going to be a bridesmaid in October and I am already regretting it. There are so many details in planning a big wedding and people get hurt over those details. I think you will remember the small wedding because you will have time to spend with everyone. If the wedding is big you will get stressed out. Keep it simple and everyone will have a good time . Take lots of pictures. Smile and remember that you are marrying the love of your life.

Answer 4

Take the money sweetie. You can always do a vow renewal in full wedding style a few years down the road if you find out you really regret it. You will still have wedding pics if you do the family dinner.

My friend had the same option. She took the wedding because she listened to other people who said the same thing. Marriage is hard and living is expensive. Now she regrets her decision because money is tight and there is a baby on the way. She came to realize how helpful that cash would have been the hard way.

Weddings are for one day but this money can help make you two have a easier and happier life for months.

Answer 5

If you like the idea of being married in a judge's chambers and having a small meal with family either before or after, then honey, do it that way! Nobody says you can't have a couple pictures taken just because you didn't wear a big white dress and hire a caterer.

Some people love pomp and circumstance, but others dislike it and feel uncomfortable with it. If you love being princess for a day, then a big wedding is great. If you hate feeling on display, you'll have a lousy, stressful time, and it will show in those pictures people are bugging you about.

For my part, I wouldn't have missed my wedding for the world. It was a lovely day and I felt fabulous. But that was my wedding, and I did it entirely my way. If your way is to do something more private, then do it that way. You'll be just as married and you'll look back on the day with joy rather than shudders.

Now, do what you like and take the money to put as a down payment on a home to raise that family or a car to transport them...or whatever else you will consider useful.

Answer 6

You need to do what you and your partner want, and what will make you happy. A "real" wedding is one that unites two people, and it doesn't require a priest or a white dress or even a fancy celebration. You can take pictures of the event no matter what it looks like, and as long as you are happy then your kids and friends and anyone else who sees the will be happy, too.

Furthermore, if you really do live to regret not having a giant blow-out, you can always renew your vows as an anniversary thing and throw a huge party then.

Answer 7

There are so many in betweens a small wedding and a traditional one. You can have a small/traditional.

My fiance and I are having a small ceremony. City park, parents, grandparents, and friends that aren't family because of blood. I don't think I'm going to regret not having a blown out ordeal because we are doing what is special and important to us. The wedding is one day. The marriage is what you hafta make last. And I look at it this way, this is why vow renewal ceremonies are so popular.

Good luck to you!

Answer 8

You can still get pictures done, and you can still buy a dress. You can even have a bridesmaid or two, as witnesses. If you want to conserve money, but still have a semi-traditional ceremony, wear a borrowed dress, and have everyone else in the wedding party dress nicely, perhaps all in black or with the men in dark suits and the women in different colored dresses. Appoint someone with a good camera to be the photographer, and then you have a wedding.

Answer 9

I think you should do just what you want . . .
Have the wedding in the judge's office and a family dinner following. You can still wear something pretty. You can still have a photographer take some pictures.

Small, intimate ceremonies have a charm all their own. They also eliminate lots of stress. I say if that is what you want, then go for it! Good luck to you.

Answer 10

just follow your heart. I think that if u want just like a family dinner & getting married @ a judge's office u still could take nice pictures. I think is more about the compromise that u 2 are making than the actual wedding. good luck!! :)