Two years ago my children and I came home and discovered that my Mom had experienced a heart attack. We called 911 and tried everything to resuscitate her, but she was gone. I'm still haunted by this event every time it comes into my mind. My children have recovered, but I think I must feel guilty for having left her at home while we went out to the store, the library and swimming. I know that is ridiculous, she was fine when we left and I heard her tell a friend over the phone that she felt "better today than I have in ages." It also hurts that we argued before I left, a result of my impatience and her implacability. As I write this I would give so much to be able to tell her good-bye, and that I love her. And yet, as a Christian, I truly believe that she already knows these things and that I will see her again. Just wish I could stop crying. And yes, I know the signs of depression, and I am in therapy.
2007-06-17 04:55:46 · 7 answers · asked by fmckin1 4 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I would like to add that we moved out of our home within 6 months. Distance doesn't change the heart, or the response to trauma.
I moved to give my kids a better education, not to escape from my house.
And yes, many times I have felt that Mom has been with, and in several ways has inexplicably "guided" me to something that I was searching for that was missing.
I rely on God to help me in these things, and I trust in Him that Mom is in a wonderful place with all our loved ones.
The selfishness of grief is questionable. Would it be better to leave this world and have no one grieve your passing? Grief is necessary, I know, and the only way to get over it is to go through it.
2007-06-17 06:37:44 · update #1
I don't think there is any time table on recovering from something like that. You are standing in your own way from forgiving yourself.
Let me ask you this, if something happened to you while your children were at home, would you blame them, would you recall every argument you had with them? Your love for your children is unconditional, it does not matter if the child is 50 or 5, Mom loved you just the same as you love your own children.
As a Christian, you know that Mom was called to be in paradise. For us, it's grief, for her it's utopia! I have to remind myself when I grieve for loved ones it's my selfishness for wanting them here, I should not feel "sad" for them
You taking care of Mom in your own home let her know already how much you loved her. I bet her dying thoughts weren't the arguments.
2007-06-17 05:06:30 · answer #1 · answered by jgrimpe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you believe in Sylvia Brown, the psychic, but she always tells people that you can talk to people who passed on anytime you want to and they can hear and understand you. I hope that's true. Why don't you try that? Have a nice long chat with your mom some evening and get everything out that you want to say to her. I think you feel like things were unfinished because you left her on a bad note. That happens to alot of people, so you're not alone there. I do believe that when people pass on, they understand everything. Therefore, I'm sure your mom truly understands your feelings. Once you realize that and believe it, you will probably find some peace being in your own home.
2007-06-17 05:51:44 · answer #2 · answered by cynthiajean222 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that she can hear you. She can hear your thoughts and she knows what you just typed on the computer and she knows how you feel. She would not want you to feel this way. She loved you as much as you loved her and she wouldn't want to see you in pain. I know that it may be hard to do. I don't know your finances or anything like that, but that house may be reminding you of her and it may be harder for you to get over her the longer you stay in that house. Yet that may be your way of holding on to her, but that may be the problem too. You've got to let go. I know that you don't want to hear that and I hope that you aren't upset for telling you that, but you really do. You have your own life to move on with. You are not the same for your children either. They see it, I promise you they do. Children are really very smart, especially when it comes to their parents they can sense that something is out of place, that something is not quite right. My suggestion is that you find another house, so that you can let go of her. She would make that suggestion to you as well, I am sure that she would. She wouldn't want to see you this upset. This is not your fault. She was just getting to that age, it was going to happen soon or alater, so don't blame yourself. Do you think that it would have been different if you were there? Yes, she may have recovered that time, but it could have occured the next day or the day after that, you can't possibly be there every day. That is too much to ask of you, and I am sure she wouldn't ask that much from you. Don't blame yourself. You will do fine. You seem to be a sweet caring person and I applaud you for that. But it is time to get on with your own life, I am not saying to get over her either, not at all. That is not something that you can do. But you do need to try to push it to the back of your mind, for your kids sakes. Good luck and God bless.
2007-06-17 05:13:54 · answer #3 · answered by pixeydust77 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will take as long as you need to take to get over it. We all have our own pain threshold, but we also all have our own issues in dealing with pain.
I look at pain and crying as healthy. At least you are dealing with it all in a very healthy way! Don't discontinue your therapy, as you do need to deal with the guilt.
Remember, what you are feeling is natural, even if it isn't your fault, and we cannot predict what will happen in the future.
Look at what you are dealing with as washing windows!
But, most of all don't neglect your present life - especially your kids. You have them now, so enjoy EVERY SECOND with them, as you can see we never can predict what will happen five mins from now.. Focus on what you have today, and make the best of it.
Best of luck
2007-06-17 05:07:01 · answer #4 · answered by stellar2be 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have already said what is really bothering you.If your mom loved the house, take comfort in that. Her favorite chair, etc. You can probably feel her presence there. Talk to her. When you are feeling guilty , tell her.When you are missing her, tell her. When you have happy memories, talk to her. My mother died in Dec of 2000 and my brother, two months later. I still cry but It is easier to talk to them now at least.
2007-06-17 05:07:37 · answer #5 · answered by Ava 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There will never be an end to your feelings, they will get easier to live as time goes on. I believe both your Mother and
Father walk beside you each day. When you feel the need to talk to them concerning the past don't hesitate. Talking to them and anyone else who will listen only helps. I agree with everyone else who has answered this one. It will always be with you but will get lighter as time goes on.
2007-06-17 12:26:26 · answer #6 · answered by Williamstown 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there isnt a deadline for these type of things. it depends how close you were to that person and how important they were in your life. when it comes to parents it might not go away. but you still have to live your life in memory of that person. you could do stuff to slow away let go of the memory. or stuff that can let you enjoy the things they did. im not so sure bc wen my great aunt died... it didnt affect me that bad
2007-06-17 05:05:28 · answer #7 · answered by Ellie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋