My little boy was the result of a very short (1 week) relationship. I contacted the man when he was 1 and told him he has a son but he has shown no desire to be in his life. My fiancee and I began dating when I was 2 months pregnant, he was there for the pregnancy and birth. My little boy is now 3 and Im wondering how and when to tell him his daddy isn't his biological dad.
2007-06-16 19:17:47 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
im a 15 year old boy...my dad also isnt in my life...and to tell u the truth ... i think the people above me are just gonna say what to do so that things are simple...but if i was ur son i would want to kno...
dont tell him when hes too young though cuz he wont understand and dont tell him when most his life has gone by...tell him around 12...thats what i think...but im only 15 lol....w/e u decide to do good luck
2007-06-16 19:29:08 · answer #1 · answered by fullmetalfootballplaya 1 · 9⤊ 0⤋
I know it's a different situation, but I'm adopted, and my parents told me from the time I could understand. On the other hand, I have a cousin who was also adopted and her parents did not tell her, she found out on her own in her late teens, and was hurt because she was not told. It sounds like your fiance is and is going to be a great father to your son, which is awesome! I commend him for staying with the two of you. You do need to tell your son though, but now is way too soon, maybe when he is in grade school (about 3rd grade or so), when he can really comprehend it. If you do not tell him, and he finds out on his own, it may blow up in your face and he will be hurt. Even though his dad may not want any part of him now, your son still has the right to know who his dad is. At least with me, because of the adoption agency, I had to wait until I turned 18 to get in "contact" with my birth parents. My parents had always shown me the letter written by my birth mom after I was born, and the family history, whenever I wanted to see it, and supported me in the desire to meet my birth parents someday (which, I have met my birth mom and we have an email relationship). If you have any pictures of this guy please keep them in a safe place for your son (if you do not, try to somehow get some). You do not mention the grandparents in this, are they around? The reason why the dad has no desire to be in his life is probably monetary. No matter what you do, when you do tell your son, make sure he knows that it had nothing to do with him, that his birth dad was just too immature to take on the responsibility and decided to run, and that he has a real dad who has been with him since before he was born and has been more of a father to him than his birth father. I wish you and your fiance the best of luck, and hope that your son realizes what a great "dad" he has in his life.
2007-06-17 02:57:50 · answer #2 · answered by Michelle 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I have the same situation with one of my family members. My brother married a woman who's son never knew his father. They just explained that sometimes kids have two daddies - the one that lives with them, and the daddy who help Mummy have a baby. At this age, that's all he needs to know.
Then at Christmas time the then 4 year old told everyone he has two daddies (we all knew) so we said "Wow, that's special isn't it?" The point being he will grow up knowing, so there will be no dark family secret to uncover at a later date.
If, when he's older and asks questions, answer them honestly, but gentlely. And try not to run down his birth father, because he may feel that reflects badly on him.
2007-06-17 02:42:45 · answer #3 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Wait until he is older to understand. What if he finds out when he is older, he will know you have lied to him i think that will hurt more. Just tell him that he has another dad...but the dad he has now has been through everything with him etc, and his dad now loves him very much etc. I think its a good thing to tell him but not till he is way older. Good luck
2007-06-17 04:13:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell your little boy he has two dads. This way, you can be up front with him about it, and he cant say you hid it from him when he gets older. When he gets old enough to understand, he will regard your fiancee as a real dad, who had a real influence in his life, and the other man as a sperm donor. Good luck..
2007-06-17 02:40:03 · answer #5 · answered by Michael T 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Sooner then later .. i'd wait until hes a bit older.. 3 is a bit young for a kid to understand fully what you're trying to say.
2007-06-17 02:38:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Wait until he's a bit older but not too old, like 7-10 somewhere in there.
2007-06-17 02:53:40 · answer #7 · answered by nik 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
not until he is atleast 14 or 16 that way he understand some stuff about relationships and how things can happen in short relationships and sex. (where babies come from?? by that age he will know about that stuff)
2007-06-17 02:31:02 · answer #8 · answered by momma 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Why ruin a good thing. A dad doesn't need to be bio to be a dad. Some of the best dads I know aren't bio dads. Unless he asks, don't tell.
2007-06-17 02:24:30 · answer #9 · answered by Boredoutofmymind 4 · 3⤊ 3⤋
No tell him now..Haven't you guys seen movies of when this stuff happens? Geez Tell him now so he knows. Because if you tell him when he is a teenager it will be more shocking and he will understand it more and he could runaway from you (not literally) tell him now he has a right to know
2007-06-17 02:30:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋