Once you become a little permiscuous, is there any way to be seen as a decent girl again? How?

Question

i am sixteen and i started having sex at the end of november with my boyfriend of four months only because I was eager to explore into the unknown and permitting him to explore it with me for the first time because I loved him more than oxygen at the time.
But after he broke my heart, I wanted to play the field. I've never been anything but a goody two shoes really. Suddenly I want to do everything I've been missing out on that kids my age do. Even if they're not supposed to be doing them. Its not that I want to be like them, I just want to experience different things. So, I ended up racking up my number of sex partners to four. IN a Few months, though!! I feel so incredibly different now. but not in a good way. I just want a way to feel how I used to and for boys to look at me as not a candidate for a one night stand. But how?

Answer 1

Listen up little sister- slow your roll! When you think you're in love, ain't nothing wrong with expressing that but now that you've had a few lovers under your belt, it's seriously time to take it easy. There are many dangers to protect yourself from- pregnancy, STD's, and- a bad rep. Just because you started out at a fast pace doesn't mean you have to stay that way. I too started out fast but, after a pregnancy scare, I seriously took it slow. I learned early on that if a boy tries to pressure you into sex- he really ain't into you. He just wants them panties!

I'm talking to you as if you were my own child now. Love is beautiful and sex is awesome- but, although in a relationship sex is important , sex and love are not the same. From here on out, I would advise that you spend time- at LEAST 4 dates, to get to know the young man you are dealing with. Then, when you know that he's not a player and driven by hormones or a need to prove his manhood to his homies, maybe you can take it farther. I know it's hard because alot of guys will not invest the time in you if you don't put out right away. They will stop calling if they see they know they won't see panties. If that is the case- good ridance! They aren't waste your time anyway.

I would like to tell all young ladies out there that what they have to share, whether it's their time, thoughts, affections, energy, or their body- you are special and every recipient of your gifts has to EARN it. Also, please don't invest ALL of your time and emotion to a relationship. In the end, if things don't work out, you are born alone (well, most of are) and in the, we end that way- so, put God and self first!

Please, for your own sake, think about your future. Instead of thinking about boys think about what you want to be in the future. Think about unniversity, trade school. Do you want to be a doctor, teacher, own a business? Well if you get yourself knocked up your choices will be seriously limited. Think about that.

I'm wishing you well. Put U 1st!

P.S. Don't let people like iDream judge you. She tries to correct you and she can't spell herself!

Hey, iDream, ever heard of spell check?

Answer 2

The bad news is, teenage boys will always look at you as a candidate for a one night stand. The good news is, you can still feel how you used to. The way the boys look at you has not changed just because you are no longer a virgin. You said "I just want a way to feel how I used to..." and that is the whole problem it is your feelings that have changed. Before you had boundaries you knew how far you were going to let them go. Now you don't seem so sure but you can set boundaries again you can even set them today. Decide now how far your willing to go, in the heat of the moment is not the time to make that decision. Put together a plan that you will stick to say to yourself I will only go this far until i have been with the guy for AT LEAST six months, or a year, or ten years, or until we are married. If the guy wants you for more then a one night stand he will respect your boundaries, he might not like it but he will respect it. The boys who don't respect you well they can go f*** themselves. If you are worried about rumors that you are an easy lay. My advice is don't worry, rumors die fast and most boys lie so much about getting some that no one believes them anyway.

Hopefully the advice helped even if it did come from the father of a 16 year old girl.

Answer 3

First and foremost your body is the most important thing to you when it comes to sharing it within a relationship. You have to value yourself highly before anyone else will value you. A boy will respect a girl, if she first respect herself. Never ever should you put yourself in harm's way because of a boy/man for that matter (a man when you get older). You are very important to yourself, and you should never ever try to explore in the way you described in your question. You were only hurting yourself - as you can see!
In order for boys to see you differently, you have to first take a stand against their flirtatious gestures/propositions, as you will understand exactly what their motives are. You have to find strength within yourself to endure all teasing and ridiculing as you go through this process. Be very strong; believing what you want to accomplish is possible!

Lastly, you have to understand that when two people come together to share the most intimate experience that God has gifted us, we must first understand, sex is something that must not be taken lightly. You must save your body for a time when you can share it with someone who is REALLY special to you, not someone who you knew for a few months. You are still young; don't rush your life. You still have time to meet someone who will value your heart, your mind, and your body and eventfully make you their lifetime partner (marriage).

There are a lot of diseases out there, and it is very important who you choose to be your lifetime partner. Be wise in your decisions and make good choices in your life.

It will be wise if you sit down and have a talk with your mom and dad.

Answer 4

Rather than letting the actions you've done in the last little while define you, why dont you define your self.

Do something new, begin a new chapter in who you are - so to speak - Save the love making for when your in love, and find something else that thrills you ... join a sports team .. find a book that captures your imagination... plan a trip with friends.. we all change so much over our lives.. and we all have things we aren't proud of - but we move on to new horizons, no worries.

Answer 5

let me tell you this first, people are gonna talk no matter what you do, so i hope you're not basing your "decency" off what others are saying..

secondly, whether or not you've had sex, guys are going to view you as a candidate for whatever they've got in their heads. that's just how MOST teenage guys are.

the best i can tell you is to keep playing the field, but know when to spot out who wants a relationship, and who wants just sex. The ones who just want to sleep with you are pretty much gonna make that evident after a few days... know your boundaries & if you want to regain some of that innocence, you have to learn self-control. I've "controlled" myself for over a year... yes, it's tough to go that long without sex, but.. i figure if i'm really after a steady relationship, i've gotta see who's in it for me.


best of luck

Answer 6

My advice is to simply not pay any mind to the boys that look at you that way. You sound as if you regret "exploring" as quickly as you did and that perhaps you made some mistakes. If some of the other guys look at you differently, be honest and tell them that that's not who you are now and nobody is perfect. You made some mistakes and are now trying to live differently. If they won't accept that you aren't looking for just a lay, then they're not the ones for you anyhow. Keep your head up and keep looking for someone who will accept you for you and not want you to be someone you don't want to be.

Answer 7

Can you have a religious conversion and start going to Church? You have the summer so you can start being new right now.

It might take a year of celibacy - but that's worth it.

You are precious. You are loved. You need to find what you stand for though.

I hope all goes well - reply if you want more info.

Cristy

Answer 8

Turn something negative to positive I should say. You were promiscuous, and you can't change that. However, you CAN change your actions in the future. You're sixteen. Get your license. Get job applications. Excel in school. Meet a gentleman with his life together. I guarantee, life will be awesome. Just keep a smile on your face and stop thinking about the negatives. You dig? Hope this helps. =)

Answer 9

Yes, I'e always been seen as a decent, modest woman.

Answer 10

Stay away from guys for a while.
Don't become a tease.
And when some guy has the nerve to come up to you and say, "Why won't you have sex with me?! You did it with ___[insert name here]____" Just say, " I made some mistakes and that was probably one of them. I've decided that that's not the kind of person I want people to see me as."

It takes time...but people will get it eventually.