How do you deal with a person in your family that is mean to you?

Question

My step-mother drives me crazy. She is rude, nasty and flat out lies. Don't get me wrong she has a really nice side, but she has these moments where she is just nasty. She once claimed my mother couldn't call me anymore, and ripped the phone off the wall. She once yelled at me because I drank soda from a can instead of a bottle (both were unopen). She claims my sister failed the 8th grade (not true). And once caused a huge scene in a resturant because I got into a car accident. She butts in on my personal life. I no longer live at home and am about to get married. She had gotten better since I moved out, but recently caused a scene in a resturant, because I got frozen bread and asked for new bread (apparently that's wrong?). I had to leave the resturant with my fiance in toe, because I was so mad. How do I deal with this person? I can't stand her, and she makes me feel awful about myself. I can't cut her out of my life, because I would hurt my father. Any advice?

I could expand this list with other nasty things she has done but it would take a life time. I had spent a long time in therapy dealing with my issues with her. And now that I am getting married it is all coming out again. I don't even want her at my wedding, in fear she will make me feel bad on my special day.

My Dad does know about her behavior! That is the worst part, he will sit right there when she does this. And whenever he takes my side, she causes a huge fuss, and has even grabbed my brother and went to her sisters house and threatened divorce. Which makes me in turn feel bad. I have no idea what to do. And my Dad does know about the therapy, because he paid for it. She has blamed their marital problems on me, and my dad told me I had to leave and live with my mother since it was causing so many problems. But I wasn't a bad kid, I always got good grades, and yeah sometimes acted out. But I never intentionally did anything to her. And she treats my sister (from my dad and mothers marriage). really bad sometimes, like claiming to friends and relatives that she failed the 8th grade.

Answer 1

I think you should have a heart-to-heart with your father. You need to sit down with him and let him know how much you love him, and how you would never do anything to intentionally hurt him, but that his wife has just put such a strain on your life and your relationships (does he know about the therapy?). Tell him that you've tried so hard to be the bigger person about the situation, and try to co-exist with her, but that you're at a breaking point and you don't know if you continue. Assure him that he will always have a place in your heart, but that you will not be willfully subjecting yourself to her cruelties, which means you will not be coming by (as often), and she will not be allowed in your home unless she can behave herself. Tell him he doesn't have to choose sides, and that it's not about choosing sides: it's about putting you and your needs first. Maybe having a chat with him and letting him see how much this hurts you (if you haven't already) will force him to face reality and have a little heart-to-heart with her. Maybe there's something he can say to her that you haven't. And if not, then hopefully putting all the cards on the table will help him understand when you start to come around less often or don't extend so many invitations to him and his wife. HTH

Answer 2

Sorry to hear you're going through that! If you have other siblings, how does she treat them? It could be just that she's very insecure about her place in your life. Of course having a parent remarry is a very difficult time for all involved, but she might think for some reason that she's getting the raw end of the deal and be reacting to that. It's not right for her to do this to you AT ALL!!!! Have you talked to your father about what goes on? Because maybe he could offer you some insights. I can only hope that things get better before the wedding, because I'd hate to see you exclude her, thus building a bigger gap between the two of you. But at the same time, you're right--you don't want her to ruin your wedding by making you look bad!!!! Weddings are an emotional time in general without the family drama. Good luck!!!!

Answer 3

My advice about the wedding day is tell everyone how she is so they know what to expect. The best way to handle the situation is to ignore anything bad she says. Not blatantly, but change the subject. My step-mom is the same way. I have to put up with her because I too do not want to hurt my father. Everytime she says something to you remember that you have to feel sorry in a way she is the one who acts like that. If possible find a way to go to dnner with your father without her. If not at all possible then warn her before she goes in the restaurant that you do not want a scenes. Sugar coat it if it does not work you either apologize to your dad that you can not put up with his ding-bat wife or put up with it. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

Nobody has that kind of control over you, unless you let them. Ignore this person, don't let her get to you and learn to laugh at her antics. Be happy that this isn't someone you have to live with anymore and go on with your life. This woman will get old and die eventually, its really not a problem worth getting angry about.

Answer 5

Well since you are getting married I am assumng that you are over 18. With that and since also it is your wedding, you are aloud to have whom ever you want at your wedding and you are aloud to not have people at your wedding. Do not feel bad about it at all. It is your day.

If your father loves you he will understand and if he does not understand I myself would not want him at my wedding..

Answer 6

I believe your aunt is solely incredibly jealous considering that of the way blissful the leisure of the household is even as she is depressing so rather of looking for aid she simply activates all of you and attempts to make all of you as depressing as her. My mother advised me thats the best way my (Grandma/her mother) used to be whilst she first began courting my Dad however my mother simply stayed robust and fixed with my Dad. Also whilst my aunt went to nursing university my Grandma attempted discouraging her from going most commonly cus she might be jealous that her possess daughter might do greater than her. This all occurred earlier than I used to be born. My Grandma died whilst I used to be one. P.S. Hope matters get greater.

Answer 7

have you talked to your dad about this i have a niece who is going through the same thing since she was4 shes 15 nowand believe me im waiting for her to slap my niece in the face or choke her in front of me cuz the very last time she will put her hands on her or call her names like slut a a b**ch.honey i feel for you and i know how you fell but maybe u need to speak up for yourself stand up to her but i would take your dad out to lunch or dinner ALONE and tell him how you feel wen she does these things ask him to talk to herask him wat he thinks you should do.....you are HIS daughter...wen you talk to him dont be sarcastic or critizing against her just talk to him as calmly but sincerely as u can and tell him you dont want to hurt his feelings as you start the conversation........cindy