i'm engaged to the most loyal/loving/best dad in the world.He has told me he would give anything to have his son fulltime.When i talked about having our own child he told me flat out he did not want another child and if i pushed the subject on him it would be a deal breaker.Why? How can he charish every min. with his son but not have one with me and his 1st was PLANNED not an accident.
2007-06-16 17:03:01 · 13 answers · asked by stacy k 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
his divorce had nothing to do with them having a baby so thats not it
2007-06-16 17:03:31 · update #1
Let's be realistic here.
More than half of all marriages end in divorce.
The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher.
Chances are, your guy does not want to risk loosing another child in a divorce.
Another possibility is that he is paying so much child support for one child that it would strain resources to have a second child, and the possibility of two child support payments would spell financial ruin.
If not having children is a deal breaker for you, now is the time to break the deal, not later. And don't even consider agreeing to the deal and then intentionally getting pregnant. That would be playing dirty and dishonorable.
Doc Hudson
2007-06-16 17:19:53 · answer #1 · answered by Doc Hudson 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
His reluctance to have another child could be any number of things.He may feel that another would take his time away from the 1st or that an only child does better than one with siblings. Did he grow up an only child? He may feel that his ex uses the child against him or as leverage by the mother. He now knows that even though you think love is forever it is not always so and he may be scared of the pain of losing another child if things go bad between you. He may be thinking of how it affects the child/children of a broken home and not want to Chance doing that to another child or he may have only wanted one child. As you can see there could be lots of things behind his feelings, I would suggest asking why while at the same time letting him know that you are not pushing but love him and want to understand his feelings. Above all remember this, time changes lots of things and as his comfort level with your marriage grows his feelings of pain over the perceived loss of this child diminish and he may change his mind on his own. I hope that helps and lots of luck
2016-05-17 14:38:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok i answered your question last time you asked it but i wanted to add. i don't know if you have any kids of your own but that if you think that you would always feel empty and unfulfilled if you never had a child of your own then i think that you need to seriously think about if this is the best thing for you. there is nothing wrong with you wanting to have a child and nothing wrong with him not wanting another child. but that does mean that you might not be the best match. really think about this before you decide to get married. this isn't some little detail that you can figure out latter like getting a cat. if you want to have a baby don't sell yourself short. you can love someone more than life its self but that still doesn't make them the right person for you.
2007-06-16 17:29:09 · answer #3 · answered by fairy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is possible that he is concerned about his first childs feelings. If the first child lives with his mother and your child lives with him he may be concerned that the first child will be jealous of the time your child has with his dad. It is a legitimate concern and not to be taken lightly. Whatever the reason, he has made his position clear. Get over it or move on.
2007-06-16 20:11:28 · answer #4 · answered by Smarter than the average bear 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't want anymore children. Some people only want ONE child and that's it. If you HAVE to have a child I suggest you find another man. He does get a choice in whether he WANTS to father another child or not...he has made it clear that he doesn't want to. The answer to WHY is because he has the RIGHT not to.
2007-06-18 21:13:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, I have 2 kids that I do all kinds of things for and with, and I'd give my life for either one of them and give up everything to pay for medical treatments if they were sick, etc
but I don't want any more
my grandpa had 10 kids and used to say, "I wouldn't take a million dollars for any one of my kids and wouldn't give you a dime for another dozen"
maybe your intended just does not want more kids; if you do want kids, then this is not the man for you, absolutely not; this will be a strong point of contention for you two and you will end up resenting him or divorcing him or having a child anyway
2007-06-16 18:03:18 · answer #6 · answered by Cris O 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he could see how his son is having to go through a divorce and may not want that to possibly happen again with you. also he could be thinking of child support and how expensive it can be.
2007-06-17 15:23:08 · answer #7 · answered by omorris1978 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If his first marriage ended in divorce, It is possible that he has anxieties about having a baby and the same thing happening to him again.
2007-06-16 17:09:28 · answer #8 · answered by Shuggamomma 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Fear. Fear that this marriage might not work out too and then he would have another child to shuffle back and forth from parent to parent. I'm sure it breaks his heart every time he has to take his child back to the mother.
2007-06-16 17:23:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe all he ever wanted was one child.
If you cant agree on this you should really break things off. If you ever want to have children then you need to find someone else.
2007-06-16 17:18:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋