divorced dad what reasons would a man thats a devoted dad to is 1st child not want another 1 with his 2nd wife

Question

i'm engaged to the most loyal/loving/best dad in the world.He has told me he would give anything to have his son fulltime.When i talked about having our own child he told me flat out he did not want another child and if i pushed the subject on him it would be a deal breaker.Why? How can he charish every min. with his son but not have one with me and his 1st was PLANNED not an accident.

his divorce had nothing to do with them having a baby so thats not it.

Answer 1

Because the pain of not having his child with him is too great a loss. He doesn't want to go through the whole divorcee thing with a kid involved again. Child support can be a bit expensive. I know you're thinking that sounds negative, because in your heart you know that your marriage will last forever, but that's what he thought the last time. Don't expect him to change. If it's that important, you need to realize that he doesn't want children. If you really do, you're with the wrong man. There could be a variety of reasons for his decision, but the bottom line is... for him it's a deal breaker, and he's very serious.

I'm so sorry. I wish you the best.

Answer 2

As part of a marriage it is not always to understand the other person, just to live with their choices. If you want a child, then this man is not right for you. Do not wait until he changes his mind, you will be miserable.

There are many reasons he may not want another child. The fact that he can not be with his son could be the reason, why set himself up for that possibility again. He could also be a great man and be considering his son. Maybe he doesnt want to make his son feel like he is not as big a part of the family as any of the kids you and this man would have. Whatever the reason, it really doesn't matter, unless you plan on using that information to try and change him, but why would you do that, you already love him as he is.

The reason why is not important, just that he has a reason is all you need to respect. Move on if you want kids of you own.

Answer 3

You know a funny thing happens to some people, sometimes they think that they couldn't possibly love another as much as the first so they don't want another. That could be the problem. With my husband, he didn't want any more because the mother of his first gave him a lot of grief and used his daughter to manipulate him. She would also cause him a lot of pain by moving without telling him and hiding his daughter. He was frightened that it could happen again. Despite what the reason is for not wanting another, it is something that should be resolved before marriage. Don't think it will go away or resolve itself. You don't want to resent this man you love 10-15 years from now when you no longer have the opportunity to have a child of your own, that is if it is something you truly want. You really shouldn't try to change his mind either or he may come to resent you. This is one of those big issues that, in order to have a successful relationship, you two need to be on the same page about. Maybe you should consider counseling or a separation. Maybe that can help get your priorities in sync. Good luck

Answer 4

Hello,

Single mother of two, Why I wouldn't want other kids with a different man. The one valid reason I can see him having is that he might feel he has cut his first child short of a real family and might feel guilty in providing a nuclear family with a new child. I sometimes think about this. I am not sure I would feel that my children with a previous man will get the same advantage as one that I might bring up along the side of a man. I hope this makes sense, I would consider another child in my future but I would feel guilty about what I was unable to give my other children, a whole family.

Answer 5

It's easy to be a wonderful dad part time. He gets to love the child and be devoted, but hand him back for all the responsibility. Be glad he knows himself well enough not to take on more than he's ready for again. The child may not have been the direct cause of divorce, but the added stress of parenting very often makes otherwise bearable issues intolerable.

He may be ready eventually, but you need to go into the marriage never expecting to have children. If you don't, you will either be very disappointed or push him into something that is very likely to destroy your marriage. Is having a child with him worth ending up a single mom eventually?

Answer 6

It could be because he fears having another child. Or it could be that he really feels done having had one and dose not want any more. You really should sit down and think about what a child means to you. Can you love him forever with out resentment and never have a child or your own? Or should you call off the wedding and move on so that some day you can have a child of your own with out it ending your marriage? With a man you love and who wants that baby as much as you do. If he is not even willing to sit down and talk about this issue with you like an adult that is a major red flag.

Answer 7

ok i answered your question last time you asked it but i wanted to add. i don't know if you have any kids of your own but that if you think that you would always feel empty and unfulfilled if you never had a child of your own then i think that you need to seriously think about if this is the best thing for you. there is nothing wrong with you wanting to have a child and nothing wrong with him not wanting another child. but that does mean that you might not be the best match. really think about this before you decide to get married. this isn't some little detail that you can figure out latter like getting a cat. if you want to have a baby don't sell yourself short. you can love someone more than life its self but that still doesn't make them the right person for you.

Answer 8

There's two things I can think of right off, and that's because they're my reasons as well.

1. He may only have wanted to have one child. He may have decided long ago that he did not want to have to worry about the issues related to multiple children - two college eduations, sibling rivalries, the additional costs, trying to split your time fairly between two children, etc.

2. He may be against having children with more than one person, for whatever reason. While it's wildly accepted in society today, there are a few of us old-fashioned people who don't like the idea of having children with different mothers/fathers. Don't get me wrong - I'm not judging. It's a personal preference. I would take on a man with 5 kids - no problem. I just don't want to give birth anymore.

Perhaps you could suggest fostering/adopting, in case the latter is his stance on the issue. If he doesn't like that either, he may have just had his heart set on one to devote his life to, as I did. Either way, it sounds like you have a great man on your hands - one that isn't (IMO) worth losing over this.

Good luck.

Answer 9

I agree about the divorce has nothing to do with his love for his child. Planned or accident has nothing to do with it either.

Sorry to say this, and you may not like my answer but it sounds like you are jealous of your fiance's son. Plus he has already flat out refused to have an other child with you. How do YOU feel about that? Are you accepting the fact that you'll be childless (not sure if you already have children from a previous relationship) So unless you're going to stick it out being second best in this guy's life, it's time to move on. I can promise you your future with this man will be stressful everytime he is with his son, and not with you.

Answer 10

I'm sure that his reasoning is that he has had a failed marriage and he didn't think it would end in the beginning. he knows what it is like to only be able to see your child sometimes and the thought of having to go through it all again with another child is just to scary. im not saying that he thinks that your marriage will not last but he didn't think the first one would fail. think about what he goes through he has this little boy who he is responsible for protecting and teaching to be a good man and he only gets to do it half the time. he has no say what he does at his moms house. its because he loves his son so much that he doesn't want another one.