p/t conferences should i attend with my ex(son's mom) or my current wife(stepmom)?

Question

My ex feels i should go with her since its our son and my current wife has no place going at all.My current wife feels i should go with her as shes my wife and my ex should go by herself at a different time not with me.Please don't say we all go together as my ex and current wife hate each other and would never go for that.I have joint custody with my ex.

Answer 1

Go with your wife. She will be hurt if you don't, and you don't want another failed marriage. She needs to be a part of your son's life as well. You and your ex can get along, but there is no reason you both need to go together, unless the teacher only allows one conference. Never take your ex's side over your wifes. That will only cause you trouble. Goodluck.

Answer 2

As a teacher myself I would be thrilled if all three of you had an interest and wanted to help the child. I would suggest scheduling 2 conferences with the teacher. You can/should attend both. This will let everyone involved know that you are being the adult in the situation and you really only want what is best for your son. A bit after a conference parents (and teachers) almost always think of something else they wished they had asked about or mentioned. This is also a great way for you to think about anything that gets mentioned at the first conference and then discuss it further at the second.

Answer 3

You and your ex-wife should attend the conference together - since you two are your son's parents, and your current wife doesn't really need to attend. (You can fill your current wife in on the details after.) You and your ex-wife are primarily responsible for your son's health, well-being, and education - your current wife is a supporting player, as would be your ex-wife's current husband. IMO: while supporting players are important, the MOST important are the primary players - you and your son's mom. (I would feel differently if one of you wasn't in the picture at all, but joint custody changes that.)

Another thing to consider: by having joint custody, your son essentially is a part of two separate households - I would hope that the two of you are on the same page in regards to your son. (Meaning he has similar rules and responsibilites in each home.)

Answer 4

Answering from a teacher's point of view. I agree with what another teacher stated: schedule 2 separate conferences. Forget everyone's advice that tells the 2 women to grow and up put their differences aside. That makes for the WORST conference in the world! Been there, done that. Attend both of them-one with your ex, one with your current wife. And your son should also be in attendance as well with BOTH parents. It sends the message that although you and and the mom are divorced, you still are the parents of your son and will work together to meet his educational needs. I have been involved with very successful conferences with divorced parents and it's an amazing home/school connection when you can be united on the same wave length despite being divorced. Good luck!

Answer 5

I agree with your ex-wife. The two of you should go as the parents of the child. As teacher I have limited time for all of my conferences and do not schedule 2 conferences for divorced families. If your current and ex-wives can't sit down together, you can take notes and share the information from the conference with your current wife.

Answer 6

My first response would have been that you all go together because that would show a display of unity for your son--which he would love. But, since you mention that your ex and current do not hit it off so well, I would have to say that you should take your current wife's advice--not necessarily because it's the best, but because she is your wife and you should work at that relationship more than any other (even more than the relationship with your son). Small things like going to PT conference with her will pay off well in the long run, which then benefits your son because you and your wife are happy. Everyone wins (except, perhaps, your ex wife, but there's a reason she's your ex, right?)

Answer 7

The ideal would be for all 3 of you to put aside differences and go together, but since you said this is not an option, I would suggest going with your wife. Since she wants to go, it is obvious that she does care and she plays a role in your son's life.
It is good that you and your ex still speak and have a decent relationship, but she needs to schedule a separate conference for herself. It would just cause too much un-needed stress in your marriage to choose your ex over your current wife.
Most schools are very familiar with split families, and should have no problem scheduling separate times.
Besides that, I believe your son will benefit from both moms playing an active role in his life. When you and step mom got married, she became his mother too, and she needs to know that she is welcome to take up that role.

Answer 8

it has nothing to do with your current wife as she is not the mum. You go with your ex, the mother of the child, and show as the parents you are a united front when it comes to your son. You only need to tell your wife how it went, she has no place being there

Answer 9

I would think that it is your ex and your responsibility to work together in raising your son. However, I do realize that your current wife would also have a part in raising him. I would suggest that maybe you go separately with each of them. That way both can go with you and maybe you might think of other things to ask the teacher as well.

Answer 10

I have joint custody with my ex with the kids living with me. Your wife does not need to go they are not her kids. If you and your ex can get along in the same room only the two of you should go.