How am I supposed to control the way I feel?

Question

I'm friends with someone i used to date a long time ago... and i'm gettin feelings for him again. i know he is too, but i dont want to get in a relationship--esp. if i could get hurt again. The only prob. is that i dont know how to control the way i feel because my feelings are so strong..they dont show, they just drive me crazy crazy crazy, so is there any healthy way i can just..change the way i feel?

Answer 1

Yes, there is. Stop thinking about it. I know it's hard for you to grasp that concept, because if you're trying not to think about something you're really still thinking about it. So, here's what you should do. Think about that guy all you want for the next hour or so, or until you get tired of thinking about him. Think about everything you didn't like about him. Then, when you're tired of that, start thinking about something else. Play online games, read a book, do origami, answer questions, anything that has nothing to do with that guy. Then, start thinking about all the guys you know that you might want to go out with who might want to go out with you . . . other than that guy. By the time you do all this stuff, he should be the last thing on your mind. Good night!

Answer 2

Well it's not wrong the way you feel towards someone that you dated before. Matter of fact alot have gone through the same thing such as your self. Problem lies in weather the the relationship was a bad one or a good one that just did not work out. The thing is---is that when you come across someone that you loved or cared about seeing that persons face or voice just somehow opens a flood of feelings that you once had, but in reality deep down still loved that person. If you don't want those feelings back again they only way is to distance yourself from that person. Go out with your friends and do something active to get your mind of that person. Its not easy at first, but its possible. Well the last thing is that sometimes when the feelings are to strong and the other feels the same, then maybe it was meant to be and if you brake up again for the same reasons from before then getting over that person will be alot easier, becuase you better understand how your relationship worked.

Answer 3

There are two ways that usually do not work:

1) Keep feeling that way, and bottle it up and try to stop feeling it.

2) Convince yourself that you should not feel that way, until you feel something different instead.

Now, the reason why these don't work is that in both of these circumstances you don't accept your feeling.

Here is what to do:

When you get that feeling....feel it but do not try and resist it. Say to yourself "There's that feeling again, i just want to feel it without trying to think about what to do with it or if I should try to change it."

You keep feeling that because you don't want to accept it, your body just gives you a feeling, it does not know if it is right or not, but it gets very upset if you ignore it. Accept your feeling as it is...nothing less, nothing more. So embrace and accept the feeling, and then say to yourself that "yes, I feel this way". Remember that your body and mind only feel things and think things, but they do not tell you what to do with that feeling or thought...they just wants to to accept that thought or feeling and then it and then they will stop bothering you. So a feeling does not really tell you what to do with it, it just wants you to feel it. This works with thoughts as well, and you can also stop your mind from chatting away all the time if you think too much about negative things...it will only talk sometimes and then you hear what it has to say and then leave it at that without trying to add any more.

Answer 4

OH YES YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR FEELINGS, get right! It's only the process that seems a little bit backwards. Also, it's the terminology that sometimes gets in the way.

XxcanttouchthisxX, technically speaking, there really aren't any ways to control your feelings. What you need to do, in order to get a handle on your emotions, is to change your perceptions.

Every single thing that happens to us in life, is framed in the context in which we experience it. If you can change the context, you can control the feelings.

Every single thing we do, is actually a RE-action to something. Nothing starts in a vacuum. If we were to live our lives truly reacting to everything that happens, our brains would short-circuit & we wouldn't be able to function.

The people who fare the best, are the ones who teach themselves only to react to the things that are essential to their lives. Sounds weird? Impossible? It isn't. But the only way to become proficient at this one, is simply just to start doing it.

In this case, you are viewing this guy way up there on the "essentials" pedestal, which is where YOU put him. It's not his God given spot, it's the spot you GAVE him! Why?

Some of the strongest & most damaging mind games are the ones we inflict on ourselves.

What really makes someone desireable in our lives? I believe it is simply that they CONTRIBUTE something positive. Or many positive things. Yet, in matters of the heart, how many times do we do exactly the opposite?

Would you start a job that charged YOU to do it? Would you strive for an education, if you got DUMBER every year? Would you want a dog who BIT you, every time you tried to pet him? Do you eat foods that taste terrible? Do you enjoy self-inflicted PAIN? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO & NO.

Everything I've just described feels horrible & immediately becomes a "negative reinforcement". This is how the human race continues to survive....by learning to control the behaviors that cause us HARM.

BUT, if I were to ask you in the objective case, "Would you continue to cling to a negative emotion or to a personal involvement, which brings you absolutely nothing but GRIEF & PAIN?"

What would you say?

I do have a suggestion. The next time you become involved in a relationship, intentionally shift your perceptions. Turn the word "love" into an action verb, rather than a passive one.

Don't stay involved with anyone who doesn't make you FEEL great & FEEL loved. Regardless of what they might be saying with their mouths, insist that they make you FEEL their love & YOUR WORTH, in your heart.

And don't forget to return the favor.

Answer 5

Hmm... well you need to learn how to control your feelings which seems to me your doing fine if you don't show it i know it must be hard to keep it in but if you know it's not right that you may just get hurt again just stay strong you'll be okay don't let it get to you you can't just automatically change them just slowly it shall just remind yourself why it can't and won't work out or who knows sometimes people in live do deserve a second chance and can change ... you have to take risk in life ...

Answer 6

What you're feeling isn't likely to be love but lust. Try remembering exactly what it is that broke the two of you up in the first place. List the reasons for yourself why you have no desire to have a relationship again with him now. Then go out and find yourself someone who is relationship material and who turns you on and focus your desires on him.

Answer 7

Part with him for a while dont see him as much and maybe go on a date with someone else you like

Answer 8

merely be in contact together with her it wont be the comparable yet a minimum of you will nevertheless pay attention her voice on the telephone and recieve her emails,Or because of the fact the guy above says merely %. a combat together with her and then turn your unhappy thoughts for her into thoughts off hate then you definitely gets over it very quickly

Answer 9

No one can control their feelings. We can try to seek acceptance of them. They do pass - if we let them. Obsessing about something will really work on your emotions. I simply ask my higher power for acceptance of my feelings. Thats because I am powerless over a great many things. But I can control my attitude and my actions.

Answer 10

make a list of all the things you dislike about him, whenever you feel like u can't take it anymore go back to the list, remember the reasons for not going oout with him. I wish you the best of luck!