Can a faithful christian woman still love her first love?

Question

can a faithful christian woman still 'afford' to love her first love(to whom she lost her virginity) when she's engaged to someone? can she 'tell' her future husband that she is still & forever in love with the first man? is it infidelity? by the way, the first man did not make her an honest woman of her. female(esp. faithful christians) opinions wanted.

Answer 1

I would advise you not to waste your time and energy on thinking about someone other than who you have currently promised yourself to. The feelings you are having come from that physical relationship you shared with the first man. It is a kind of divorce for you......divorce yourself from that man.
That is why you would not want to engage yourself phyically before marriage......the unifying of two bodies is spiritually a strong bond........Pray to God .......search His Word......and try to let go.
In order to receive the most God has to give you,you should let go.....
If that is too odd of an answer.......

If you cant be with the one you love .........love the one you're with.

Answer 2

Dear stones,

i think most people understand that a very special part of their heart belongs to their first love. Particularly if it was to the point of intimacy described above.

Infidelity doesn't always happen in a physical way- but also emotionally. i think it's like your future husband saying that he still loves his first girlfriend. It will cause hurt, and the response to that hurt may exhibit itself in many ways which will probably not build up the relationship.

My thought is that it's the kind of thing that should only be shared to build up the relationship. Your husband will feel suspicious, possibly inadequate and jealous, (and i think you can understand that). At the same time- if you guys are sharing about your past- just to be completley honest from the get-go i think you can share about losing your virginity but i don't know that you should be sharing that you still love this person. If you can't let go- you might not be in a position to be married quite yet.

Kindly,

Nickster

p.s.: i'm a youth/college pastor- so i'm trying to give you a biblical perspective. When two people are married- they are joined. When two people have sex there flesh becomes one- so there is a sense where you will always have some kind of attachment to your 'first love' but whoever you marry you want to love him with the love of Christ and vice versa so he should be able to love you even though he's not your first- but you should also be considerate of his feelings. God bless you.

Answer 3

It appears you have some issues to deal with before you say "I do". You absolutely must tell your fiance your infatuation with the man whom you first had sex with. It isn't infidelity yet, because you haven't made a covenant with this man yet to belong only to him (and I mean in a mutually exclusive way for you both). I don't know if you ever dealt with the sin with your first love, but now would be a good time to do so, it may be what's holding you back.

Answer 4

faithful christian woman love love

Answer 5

If this faithful woman is still in love with her first love...how can she also love her husband? It is one thing to love the memory of what was...but not the person...and still be able to love another...but not two men at the same time.

Answer 6

I think it's hard not to still love your first love. However, where I was able to reconcile this, is that I love my husband, who is the one that cares for me and I want to be there for him. I know that the first one is simply emotional entanglement and is not healthy for me.

The second one, I know is real love, because we are committed to one another. Love that is based on I Corinthians 13 is my basis of Love. I'd pray about your emotions and ask God to put them into perspective. The first man did not love you in a way that is worthy of you, and loved you for what you did for him. While the second man will love you regardless of what you do.

Answer 7

Would be kind of a double standard if what Jesus said in Mat 5:28 doesn't also apply to women.

"I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

In fact wouldn't you feel offended if your future husband lusted after some other woman?

Answer 8

No relationship, Christian or otherwise, can be expected to grow and bloom if one is still in love with someone else.

It is called being "double-minded".
And is completely dishonest with the man you are engaged to. He is rightfully so, expecting to have your whole heart.

Marriage is forsaking ALL others and cleaving unto one another.

You should NOT marry this man. It is completely unfair, unkind, and completely dishonest and yes, mental infidelity, to consider marrying him when you love someone else.

The man you marry DESERVES your whole heart.

Answer 9

I cannot tell you how to live your life, but welcome to the world. You will find here that the ones you love don't necessarily reciprocate those feelings, and although you may be ready to love, he isn't. There is nothing you can do about it. This is the exact feeling God has about us. He wants to love us and care for us and be with us, but we turned our backs on Him. For whatever reason it may be. Fear, mostly, I suspect.

That is all this means.

Whatever your decision, your heart will never change. Love can encompass many things if you have the will for it.

Answer 10

I think that a person who is getting married has to make every effort to put emotions about past relationships behind them. While Christians are called to love everybody in a charitable sense, the emotional attachment associated with a past romantic relationship is a different type of love that will harm the current relationship.

Telling a man that you will "always love" someone from your past will undermine his confidence in your love for him even if he doesn't acknowledge of realize it. That type of statement is like saying that "even though I'm marrying you, there is a part of my heart that still belongs to someone else".

In addition to all that, the woman needs to examine herself and disentangle her emotions from reality. It's easy to forget bad things that happened in the past and to have a few selective memories of really good times and to build up what amounts to a fantasy in your mind that feels good to think back upon and "remember" those times and re-experience old emotions that do not help you in your current situation. All that does is create a shadow man who is waiting in the wings of your memory tempting you to compare your current relationship with distorted memories of an old relationship.

It's like when the Israelites came out of Egypt and they were going through the desert on their way to the promised land. Every day they had to eat the same old manna and trek through a boring wilderness. They forgot all about the harsh treatment of their slave masters and complained to Moses who was doing his best to be their leader.

Numbers 11:1 And the people complained in the hearing of the LORD about their misfortunes, and when the LORD heard it, his anger was kindled, and the fire of the LORD burned among them and consumed some outlying parts of the camp. 2 Then the people cried out to Moses, and Moses prayed to the LORD, and the fire died down. 3 So the name of that place was called Taberah, because the fire of the LORD burned among them. 4 Now the rabble that was among them had a strong craving. And the people of Israel also wept again and said, "Oh that we had meat to eat! 5 We remember the fish we ate in Egypt that cost nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. 6 But now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at."

Edit:

Last of all a woman should be honest with herself about the sincerity of her past feelings of "love" for a man with whom she had sex outside of marriage. It is very common for a woman to convince herself that it is "OK" to have sex with someone to whom she is not married if she "loves" the person. Emotions can be very deceptive and a woman can use the idea that she was in love with someone as a defense mechanism to bolster her own self-esteem and to deflect potential criticism for actions that she knows in and of themselves were not right in God's eyes.