question for men.......................................?

Question

can i have an honest answer...................im single 29 year old female who is 6ft tall id say im good looking never had any trouble getting a fella in the past im a hard working gal that would do anything for anyone im a great cook im fun romantic and im good in bed LOL my husband walked out on me 10 months ago when he found out our little boy had autism anyway the question i have is are men put off taking on a women with a disabled child because im having no luck what so ever i dont get out very ofren to meet men so i have been going on dating sites 6 in total all the men i meet start of ok then when they find out im a full time carer with a disabled child they run a mile so would it put you off.....???

this is for saint sean who seems to think i want to off load my beautil son on to a man how very wrong you are did you bother to read what i put im not looking for a father for my son he has one of them even if he is rubbish i want a life of my own not mummy 24/7 im a women who loves life and i want to have some fun im still married and have no intentions of finding a man moving in and marrying him i just want some company its people like you that give decent men a bad name and i would rather be single then go out with someone like you how selfish!!!!
im a fantastic mum who puts my son in front of everything i do its bloody hard work looking after a child with autism with no help i dont want anyones help i just want some loving!!!!

Answer 1

I think its disgusting, but i'm not suprised
Any form of 'mental health' 'issues' scares the uneducated, and it can be disconcerting to the educated too...

Autism has so many levels, from mild Obsessive behaviour through to extreme 'idiot savant' repression of all communication. Unfortunately it is the extreme autism that is public knowledge, and this is why there is such ignorance about it.

I think that you are actually being lucky in scaring them off, the men in question would not have been suitable anyway.

As for whether it would put ME off..... reading the first 4 lines of your question im tempted to ask for your phone number..... :)

Answer 2

Hi, I agree with the above answer. When you decide to bring a child in to this world it is always a concern about having a healthy baby. There are still no guarantees even if the chils is healthy when born and parents always worry about their children.

I have a disabled brother and although his disability is not heredity, it was still a factor when my wife and I discussed having children. Luckily we were blessed with 2 healthy kids who are now well into their teens. We would have liked a third child but decided not to push our luck.

My sister decided not to have children due to the life she saw my parents have due to the constant care my brother needed. My brother has epilepsy and is now 56 years old.

I feel very sorry for you, as to look after a disabled child on your own cannot be easy.

If I was single, knowing what I know of my parents life before my brother went into a home I must say it is a lot to take on, but if you find someone, that person will be a very special person. Unfortunately it is sometimes easier to run away than face the challenge and responsibility.

I hope you are managing to get some help and support in looking after your son. Good look with finding a guy on internet sites. Put the bits in the ad about you being good looking AND good in bed and am sure you will get loads of replys lol. Put in the ad about your son and see what response you get. Be as honest as you have on here.

Answer 3

I think if it were me (and we were otherwise compatible) I'd enjoy getting to know you better - because one thing stands out above all others - you are unselfish and you understand the needs of others. I do however think that you're looking in the worst place to find Mr Right.

To generalise - some men are shallow - they're acutely aware of the commitment needed for a standard relationship. They run because commitment frightens them (they're still kids at heart really), For a man to like you for who and what you are might be a long shot, if you keep using those dating sites coz they're mostly used by the non-commitment types - users looking for one-night stands, short-term relationship or something less complication than what you can offer.

You might have more success if you use the tradition of boy-meets-girl (in the real world) - particularly if you both have similar experiences - he could also have a disabled child (women have been known to walk away as well). It's not hard to see why this type of relationship would work, but it's up to you to actually find a suitable guy. Try volunteering at your local church groups, social gatherings or fund raising - Mr Right might be under your nose - you just don't realise it yet.

When Mr Right sees the wide range of knowledge, skills and experience you bring to the relationship, in addition to the love you can share for your respective kids, there's a higher likelihood that he'll be somewhat more ready to show the commitment you're looking for. (fingers crossed)

Good luck

Answer 4

No it wouldn't put me off, but that's easy to say without ever being in that situation. Allot of people find life hard enough without adding a disabled child into the mix but I don't think running away would be a male only reaction. I don't think many women would put themselves into this situation for a man they hardly knew either. Don't lose hope though, there are plenty of people ready to make commitments for those they like and love and you just have to meet the man who will do this for you. All the best.

Answer 5

Oh, I wish you all of the luck in the world. Anyone worth having is worth waiting for. And, these days you can never be too sure about people and their motivations. Especially with a child that is disabled, i would be wary of letting a man into my life for fear that they could take advantage of my child. My child always comes first and if the men that you meet are too narrow minded, you will only find yourself disappointed AGAIN. Your ex is an idiot, but I suppose you know that. My best wishes to you and your child, may your life be filled with happiness, with or without a man.

Answer 6

I think the problem for you is that men without responsibilities will be frightened when they see you have an autistic child and not ready for the responsibility. The majority of those men who would be willing to share this responsibility are resrtricted because they have their own children.

I'm lucky enough to have two young children with no problems and mom stays at home to look after them but I don't know anyone else who does this

Somewhere out there is somenone who is strong enough to get over the barrier of supporting a disabled child and being a parent - however its finding them in your situation

I hope u have local family who can babysit regularly and if not, I advise you to move closer to them (if thats at all possible) for you and your babies future

Take solace in the fact that one day your husband will wake up and realise he's made the greatest mistake of his life - hopefully it won't be too late for him to be able to be a parent (in whatever way) to your boy

Answer 7

TO BE HONEST FOR THE MOST PART IT'S THE SIMPLE FACT U HAVE A KID IN THE FIRST PLACE WITHOUT THE AUTISM PART THAT PROBABLY PUTS ALOT OF GUYS OFF,THEN YES ONCE THEY FIND OUT ABOUT THE REST SOME GUYS WOULD THINK FORGET THAT.I STRESS THE SOME GUYS PART.FORGET DATING SITES MOST GUYS ON THERE ARE JUST MESSING ABOUT AND SHALLOW ARSEHOLES.IF THEY RUN A MILE WHEN U TELL THEM THEN THEY R NOT FOR U ANYWAY.I'M SURE WITH UR QUALITIES U WILL FIND A GUY THAT'S RIGHT FOR U AND UR SON BECAUSE FIRST AND FOREMOST HE COMES FIRST.A GOOD COOK AND GOOD IN BED.MAMA MIA LOL.

Answer 8

Many men want a women for the pleasure only, and will avoid any challenges aka work. So don't quit looking or be discouraged. There are men who have more to give than just their bodies, who will look for a woman who has intelligence and warmth.
Can't they see how being a carer would just make you a sweeter and loving person? You will eliminate the ones who won't be suitable for you, is my take on it.

Answer 9

Your answer, is yes they are put off with you having a disabled child.
I'm a man and we are shallow.
To prove my point, on one of your dating sites, put on it that your horny and looking for a boy toy.
Then put on another the truth about your life.
Betcha you get 10 times as many hits with the boy toy one.

It's unfortunate, because you seem like a good woman and your kind are hard to find. But boys will be boys!
Be patient and good luck!

Answer 10

To be honest it is lot to ask of someone isn't it, If they perceive you as worth it they will stay and take on the child. But you shouldn't just expect it to happen, after all it is you they are attracted too and not the thought of instantaneous fatherhood. You will meet the right man soon enough. But it comes across to me in your question that you are just looking for someone to unburden you and help with the work load of bringing up your child!