I'm cutting off my 14 year old neice, what do you think?

Question

My husband and I have spoiled her all of her life. We bought and paid for her braces (orthodontics), we bought her $600 plus in clothing last fall for school. We paid her $50 for every A she made in school. We did all of this b/c we felt bad for her not having a father and a mother (she lives with grandparents who adopted her). We were looking to have a relationship with her but she has grown up to be a stuck up snot. I think it's a case of "having too much." She doesn't have ANY relationship with us at all - never calls, writes, communicates with us for anything - yet always has her hand stuck out if she wants something from us. Well... enough is enough. The most she is going to get from us from this day forward is a small modest birthday gift. We want to teach her that u just can't use ppl for their money and treat them like CRAP!!! :)

Answer 1

Bravo to you two! She has no respect. She will learn her lesson the hard way. But she needs to learn this now. Respect is earned, not given. Also, I've never been a big fan of paying a child for getting good grades. They should do well in school b/c it's beneficial for their future. Praise is the best reinforcement. So I'm glad you will be stopping that.

One thing to remember to do is tell her why you are cutting her off. She may "promise" to change. But don't take her word. She may "change" for a week or two but then go back to her old self. You need to step back and let her learn. As long as she has a roof over her head and something to eat and she has her grandparents, she'll be fine.

Best wishes!

Answer 2

Her behavior is YOUR fault. And her parents as well, if they abandoned her. If they are dead, it's not their fault. So quit giving her things. Just keep writing and calling. Give her $10 on her birthday and Christmas, nothing else. Take her out every now and then for a picnic or something. Why would you cut someone off for something that's YOUR fault? You should have used your head. She needed LOVE, NOT MATERIAL things. She needs love NOW. So shower her with it. If you shower her with love now, you WILL reap the benefits in a few years when she calls you to see how you are doing. Don't expect her to act like an adult at 14, because she's still a child, so she'll act like one.But when she's off to college, when she graduates high school, whatever, she'll start calling you just to say hi. Cutting someone off for something that's your fault isn't the way to teach her not to treat people like crap. Would you cut your own 14 year old child off because you spoiled them? NO?? Then this shouldn't be any different. Cutting them off for material things, yes, that should have never even started. But cutting them off from your love.....NO!

Answer 3

You have to remember you chose to buy those things, whih yes any normal person gives, however do you ever think maybe she feels you are buying her gifts because you feel bad. Maybe she would have rather went places with you, rather than have the gifts. I would slow down on what you buy cuz she is not living with you, but if you do care and your intentions are for her to live with you she will expect all these things all the time. She may only want your love in return remember she only gets what they give her as affection, which is way different from a younger family. Don't cut her off the heath issues that are important to her or the money for the grades, you are only punishing her rejecting you and taking away the things that are positive in lifethat she is doing. Change by spending that mmoney into trips educational trips with you that will help form a bond, money forms nothing but bought love affection is forever and thats what she needs. Someone to look up to to follow in there steps, learn and earn right from wrong, get to know each other, If she is a snob there is a reason, everyone has a heart weather hidden or not its still there. She has her hand out but you have had your perse out, put your heart out and spend on important things family outrings.,

Answer 4

you certainly look upset approximately this. I comprehend what you're saying, and is that if honest - in all probability not. Your brothers and sisters gained presents and you not something; that may not honest. yet that may not as much as you. it particularly is a present day, not entitled. What i don't get is that in the event that they might donate money on your call, then why won't be able to they provide you a present day in place? Like I stated, it would not look honest. yet be grateful that they are thinking of you for Christmas. In my kin, all the adults get one present (all people buys for an further person). Then the aunts and uncles purchase one present for each niece and nephew. we've a huge kin so we detect this works properly. We sense that the youngsters could appreciate being little ones and getting presents. while they turn 18 they not get carry of the presents yet particularly connect the adults of their one present according to man or woman commerce. in all probability, could you advise this technique. this way all the youngsters get presents and money is stored with the aid of the adults getting one present each. What ever is desperate, you're able to be grateful regardless. Christmas isn't with regards to the presents.

Answer 5

I agree; be polite, make a reasonable effort to speak to her or email her once in a while, and don't get upset when she doesn't answer.
She may be going through a "crazy" period; lots of young people do. Maybe she'll be back, in a few years when she appreciates you more. Be open, but not open-handed.
I know you love her, but now is the time for her to start growing up, and it may not be easy for her. But you're in this for the long haul. Let her go for a while, and let her be the one to decide what she will do. She'll probably remember you, eventually.

Answer 6

Have her grandparents send her over to your house to be apart of your daily life for a couple days a week or month, to help clean out the garage, have a picnic, just talk, don't give her money, but don't give up on her, give her time, talk to her and pray for her, but not another dime, ever, even if she asks. She can turn out to be a nice person you can be a big influence on her, praise her for her help and her grades. Don't ever bring up how she has acted or that you aren't giving her money as if it's expected of you. She is still a child, still needs good influences and guidance and you can GIVE her all that, that's what she needs.

Answer 7

I think you are smart. It's time you realize that she is a brat. I would just send her a card. No money, no gift. She is 14 and if she stays on this road, she will feel like the world owes her money, a home, babysitting, a husband, a bank account, nice furniture, etc. Good for you. And if she dares ask why she didn't get money....I would tell her and don't sugar coat it either. I'm happy you realized this when she was 14. When she is 25, she will be looking for money to buy herself a house.

Answer 8

That age of girl is probably the worst creature in existence. She may change into a valued human being in a few years, so before you cut her off, sit down with her plus maybe her g'parents and tell her what you have decided and why. This is a version of tough love, but she needs to know why it's happening.

Answer 9

I think you have finally made a very wise and mature decision. I'm sure there will be some fallout because she isnt going to like the idea that she cant use you anymore, but it's time she learned what the real world is like.

Answer 10

I say go for it..maybe even save that money up for college if she has her hand out, let it be for something that can better her. She might not understand it now, but she will once she gets to that stage. She'll appreciate and then understand that you still care. Just a suggestion.