Should I go see my husband?

Question

My husband left 2 weeks ago & is in training for Iraq. Well, he just called me today and asked me if id fly and see him for a few hours becuase he has some time off. But the problem is, is that im trying to adapt to him gone & if i go to see him over there, im gonna go back to square one and get serverly sad & depressed again. It took me since he left to get where I am with this. I cant see him over there. (hes not in Iraq yet). I know he needs me (i guess. Hes been acting strange since hes been there) but at the same time, im tryng to deal with this in MY own way. Also, hes coming home in 1 & 1/2 weeks for a few days. But he coming home will be okay cause he'll be HOME again & i wont have to see him live like he does. Also, i have a bad fear of flying. What should i do? These answers will have a big impact on what ill do.

Answer 1

Ava..It's important that you be a support for him. It is certainly understandable that you need to think of yourself, and how you will deal with his absence...but you also need to consider that he will be in a dangerous situation far away in a strange land. He needs the comfort of knowing you are his support.
Realize too that you will be without him...but will have the rest of your support system in place. He won't.

PS.. when you see him...thank him SO MUCH for us.... and thank you for the sacrifices you are making too.

Answer 2

You will always hear spouses say we give up so much sometimes and "follow" our husbands (wives) around throughout their military career. And it is true.

I would say go see him. You never know what might happen and would you really want to live the rest of your life with "what if". I know I couldn't live with something like that.

And with your husband acting differently. Alot of couples face the same situation when they are getting ready to deploy. I know we did and do. My husband is currently deployed for the 3rd time. And we went through certain stages right before he deployed. Anger, sadness, fighting (where we were mad at each other like either of us could change what was happening). That is so normal to have mixed feelings. You will have the same feelings while he is gone and when he returns.

Even if it is just for a few hours, I say go see him. Let him know that no matter what you love him and will stand by him for what ever he needs. Because right now, even if he is not saying it out loud to you, they are all scared and worried about coming home. But you can go to him and be with him and just let him know that you care and will be there for him when he returns.

I know he is coming home in 1 1/2 weeks but that is good also. Sometimes all they need is us and to know that we love them.

I hope with what ever decision you make is one that you can live with. And are happy with cause only you know what you can truly handle. But if you really feel that seeing him right now will put your mental health at risk then dont see him. Cause our spouses need to know that we will be okay while they are gone. They don't need to worry about us when they are deployed because they will have other things on thier mind when they are deployed. They need to know that we are okay and doing fine.

So take into consideration what you need to do and feel for yourself to keep "sane" and happy.

My thoughts are with you and your husband and all our military members

Answer 3

Obviously quite a conundrum you have there, I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to have to deal with the temporary loss of a partner, especially to such a dangerous environment. Obviously he is in a situation that inspires a great deal of fear, as are you as his partner. It's very likely that your company may dispell some of those fears or at least remind him what he's preparing to fight for. If it's your fear of flying that may stop you, do your best to reach him. I'm sure he will understand if it's not possible. Just remember that although we men need to act tough it doesn't neccesarily mean that we don't get terrified as well. The courage needed for him to break through that fear and still carry on is commendable to say the least. Try to find the courage to face your fears and join him for those few moments together, and if you don't like to see the way he lives there, remember that it is his choice to live that way and he happily made that choice in order to protect those he loves, especially you.
Be proud, supportive, he'll be home soon xox

Answer 4

First of all thank you to the both of you for serving our country. As for your question, that is entirely up to you. The fear of flying, money and emotional issues (trying to be strong and prepare yourself for his lengthy departure) have a strong impact on your decision. However, if your husband really needs you there and if it would ease the trauma of going far away for an undetermined amount of time maybe you should go. One the other hand, you'll only get to see him for a few hours and that will be a tease for the both of you and possibly disrupt his training. I'm sorry you are in this position, it must be frustrating. If you decide you cannot go, why not plan a special evening (cook him a romantic dinner in something, well.."nice", have a close friend or a female professional photographer take a sexy picture of you and give that to him as a gift for when he leaves; I know that there are studios that specialize in these kinds of photos) and that will give both of you something to focus on for the next two weeks until his return. Good luck.

Answer 5

I'm going to disagree with several of the other answers. It is important for him to focus on his training, so that when he gets to Iraq, he will know what needs to be done. While missing you is hard, it also builds strength that he will need. Once he is overseas, you can't fly down for a few hours. He will be home soon, be patient. Something I've learned is that soldiers are not the only ones who need to be Army Strong. We are also called to be Strong. It takes a very special woman to be an Army wife.

Answer 6

Yes, you should go see him. He misses you. While he is away in the military keeping us all safe here at home, the best thing you can do for him is write letters, send him boxes of goodies, and above all keep an upbeat "can't wait til you come home" attitude. As for the fear of flying, I have it, too. Someone told me to take 2 "non-drowsy" formula Dramamine. Do NOT drink any alcohol. You will be all relaxed and might even fall asleep on takeoff (I did). When you wake up, do not look out the windows, thumb through a magazine and pretend you are on a bus and note that nobody else looks afraid. Once you fly a few times, it will get lots better. The problem is you want to be in control and it is totally out of your control. Go see him. When you return, throw yourself into your job, clean your apartment or house, volunteer somewhere, and keep busy. Then you will have newsy letters to write him. Go buy your ticket today and thank him for me for keeping us safe.

Answer 7

You need to go. I said good-bye to my husband at Camp Pendleton for one of his deployments. They left on the bus for March AFB and I started the five hour drive home to Yuma Marine Air station. I was 10 minutes from my house when my husband called from March AFB. He said that they were being delayed 3 days and although they weren't allowed to leave, family could come and see them. I stopped at the house, got my neighbor to watch my dog, filled the car back up and turned around and drove 8 hours to March AFB. I was shocked that I was the only wife to do this (and I lived the furthest away). The Marines were getting ready to go to Iraq for a year.
You need to spend as much time as you can with him. Deal with all the other issues later. You might not get another chance.

Answer 8

One of my good friend's husband is in active duty training and will be going to Iraq within the next month, so I have a vague sense of what you must be going through after talking to her. Understand this, though: Your actions have a major impact on him before he leaves. I know that he is very different due to the military training, but that attitude adjustment of his is absolutely necessary for him to be able to cope with going to war. I know that it may be difficult to see him, but in the long run, you will regret not seeing him as often as you could. Also, he needs you! Try to remember that he loves you too, so if you are feeling down and depressed, he DEFINITELY is too! Often times, the wives of these poor soldiers are doing crazy things from cheating on them to wasting their money, etc, so he will always be worried about things like that, even if it is unfounded.

As far as your fear of flying, try to remember that it will be over soon and see if you can talk to your doctor about getting a sedative so that you don't feel so nervous during the flight. Good luck! I hope this answer helps you!

Answer 9

Ava, I was on the other end of this. She chose to not come on some occasions and came begrudgingly on others.

My own reaction was very negative and would be again. If you (she) don't care to make an effort to see me when you can, what does that say about her feelings about me?

You're already in stage one of how mine earned 'ex' status. You need to consider the repercussions. If you don't want to see him when you can, are you sure you really want to see him at all? (Yep, I'd not be understanding at all if I were him.)

He's about to go into a hazardous area for a long time, live in conditions that the welfare world considers substandard and you don't want to spend some time with him?

AVA: Also realize that if you refuse to go or go begrudgingly and if he is anything like me, that next visit will also be tainted by the fact that you don't wish to spend time with him when you could have.

YRV: that's a touching story. They don't make women like you anymore. Leastwise, I haven't found one.

Answer 10

It's only human to have fears, to suffer from separation and other emotional issues.

It would be much better for him and you for you to wait for him to come home when he does in a short time.

To fly out to see him just for a few hours, when you fear flying, is not a good idea at all. What if a flight is delayed? I spent almost 20 years traveling by air as part of my job, and flights are often late, cancelled, or otherwise don't work out perfectly. You will spend the majority of time at airports and may not get to see him at all, because the military is not going to adjust their schedule to suit you.

Keep in mind that he volunteered for this, so he is getting some satisfaction out of it in ways that don't include you. Your 'volunteering' is a little different, in that you are accepting all of this as part of loving him. Since he loves you too, you both must come up with ways of making requests that can be reasonably fulfilled.

Good luck to you.

Answer 11

When I was in training for the Army (a brazillion years ago) there was a visitor's area where trainees could meet people on Saturdays.

Most of the guys in my company were from backgrounds that just didn't have the money to come visit, but a couple did.

It seems cold, but discuss the financial side of it with your husband. Then decide.