Ordering for your date?

Question

All right, an older businesswoman and I were on a casual lunch and we were eating at an establishment I am quite familiar with. I made a suggestion of one of the specialties then after explaining it, she expressed interest in trying it then. I asked her if she wanted it then, and she said yes. So, when the waiter came around, I said her order along with mine. She then commented afterwards that a lot of men won't do that kind of thing anymore, regretting it. I have always seen this as one of the things a gentleman would do. So, I have a few questions.

Ladies, how do you feel about a man ordering for your table if he knows your order? Why?
Gentlemen, would you (or do you) do this? Why or why not?
And both, what is your general opinion on ordering for your date? Where does it stem from and what would you do in this situation?

This is a cross question, I wanted to see how the Dating people would answer, and the Etiquette ones. I do not believe that posting this twice is "excessive."

Answer 1

Generally speaking, I would be flattered that someone was actually listening to me and was being so attentive. I would be impressed. Depending on the situation, it can come off as over-bearing, but I think it's a nice little gesture. I like a guy who listens. I talk alot and it's sometimes difficult for me to connect with someone on an intellectual level (which for me is the most important connection.) It shows good listening skills, understanding of the situation and social cues and is overall thoughtful. If you are in a similar situation and this occurs, you can always ask permission "Oh, you want that too -laugh- well then I'll just order for us both then" making fun of the situation, will often give you the best response from your date. If she seems uncomfortable, back off, if she laughs and gives you the "nod." Do it up. I wish guys would offer to order for me more often, it shakes things up a little.

Answer 2

About the double-posting -- if you left some time between, it may not be a problem; but one or both may be deleted. If they appear right next to each other on Home, people won't see your explanation.

A female here, and a reader of Miss Manners.

I had never heard of this until I read Miss Manners.

It's now considered old-fashioned, though many women find old-fashioned appealing.

I'm pretty sure it's just one of those meaningless curtesies that used to be extended to the "fairer" sex. You're sort of a buffer so she doesn't have to speak to strange men -- I'm guessing.

I probably wouldn't have a problem with it, though it wouldn't turn me on, either.

Note: your IF is crucial here. I know you didn't, and wouldn't, but just wanted to be explicit. We're talking about conveying to the wait-person what she has already said she wants, NOT making the decision for her. (Just in case any young men weren't reading carefully.)

Come to think of it, I think this HAS happened to me -- as I recall, we were having the same thing, so he just that we were both having the whatever it was.

The stuff that bugs me are the things where the guy breaks his neck to, say, open a door, when life would be simpler if he's just let me do it myself.

I also had one guy get really cranky because I lit my own smoke -- I mean, come ON.

If you can do the little curtesy things without making a big deal of it, or massively inconveinincing the recipient of the curtesy, fine.

But then you also shouldn't throw a tantrum if I hold a door open for you, or light your cig, but should do as you expect me to, accept it graciously.

BTW, a quibble: in bussiness, it's actually wrong to treat the situation as a date, or a man/woman thing.

For instance, I hold the door for my boss.

Business isn't supposed to be about sex, or use social rules, but business ones.

If you do this again, another woman may well be offended on those grounds -- that you're not treating her as a business connection, but as a social being.

Answer 3

It is nice, I would not mind if you helped me. This ettiquette person says this is a gentlemanly thing to do, especially if you know the menu, and can recommend something you liked. The dater in me says OK, too, I would think that I was getting treated very special, that you cared about seeing that I was pleased with the food, and you.
X-boyfriend always did this, and I would know how full his billfold was. He would say, how about a pizza when we were at the restaurant, that way, I would know a steak dinner was too expensive. Or he would say, I want pepperoni on it, and a coke. Again, I would know that a with everything pizza, and a pitcher of beer was too much. I also knew what his preference was for the meal. It made things much easier than when a man says "get anything you want." I always hesitated to do that, you never know if he means it, and can afford it, or not.
If a man recommends something, he should first outline what he means, "do you like chicken, fish, steak, pizza?" I have been here before, I could recommend something from about every catagory, if you wish." That way, he is offering to help, I know what he can afford, and he is not being pushy.

Answer 4

You know, I would only be comfortable with it if it was a guy I knew really well. It might seem a little weird to me on a first date. I dunno though. i mean, I wouldn't throw a shoe at the guy or anything. It's just not what I'm used to. She's right, men don't do that anymore and I really don't see it as part of my generation's culture (I'm 25), and I'm okay with it (I don't need a man to order for me). I'm not expecting it and I may think it's even a little old fashioned, but everyone is different. Unfortunately there are no set rules on the dating scene.

Answer 5

I would love for a gentleman to order for me...that is, after knowing what I would like to order. ^_^ I don't see why so many girls seem to immediately equate it with "Oh, he's treating me like a kid who can't make up their own mind or do things for themself!" That's part of the neo-feminist mindset that really burns me. Being offended at every little thing and immediately attempting to find some ludicrous, and villianous reasoning behind actions that were simply meant to be courteous. Eh, to each their own.
Now, why would I like to have a gentleman order for me, because, despite my rather eccentric appearance and general behavior, I am fairly old-fashioned when it comes to courting and interaction between the sexes. I like to see men take a bit more initiative instead of acting like they're scared of me.

My general opinion is that it should be done more often. It stems from my desire to see simple, old-fashioned courtesies return to being; as opposed to the, 'bіtch can order her own food!' (pardon the language) attitude that a lot of young men tend to have anymore. Me? I would encourage it and make sure to ask,"You do that for all ladies, right? Yes? Good." with a very pleased smile to see that I have met a gentleman who does more than simple cliches.

Answer 6

A man can open a door for me, pull my chair out, help me with my coat and carry packeages for me and I'll think he's the best guy in the world. But if he orders my meal for me, he'll hear about it. Ordering dinner for someone is something done for a child under the age of ten, not for an adult. That aside, I will sometimes be dead set on a certian meal and make a last second decision to have something else when the server arrives to take the orders.

Answer 7

I think if you're not dating/married to the woman you probably shouldn't order for her. I think it's an antiquated custom. However, on a date I've asked her after we've discussed what to order if she would like me to order for her. Asking once seems to save the energy of wondering every time if she minds or not. Many times if she is say ordering the salmon I will ask the waiter how the salmon is that day -or, when it came in. I think that shows that you care. I will however after discussing the wine list with her order the wine (bottle). If she's not familiar with the wine list I'll also order the wine by the glass.

Answer 8

Back in the day, a gentleman ordered, dealt with the waiter, and paid the bill. The lady simply sat and enjoyed the meal. Some older waitpeople still address the man first, to see if he'll do the ordering. Things started to change with women's lib. Some women thought a man ordering for her was demeaning. On the flip side, women also started paying for their own meals. Women's lib wasn't a bad thing, but it destroyed alot of the little courtesies men performed for women in a chivalric manner. You did good, my man!

Answer 9

I have a voice and I know how to speak. I'd be a little offended if a date ordered for me. I wouldn't blow a hissy in the middle of the restaurant, but I'd be irritated.

This might be just me.... I change my mind about 30 times before I order. I don't make a final decision until the words are out of my mouth.

Answer 10

Dating? Never order for your date. You can make some suggestions if you've eaten there before but never order for us gals. We are quite capable thank you. Be careful, because immediately you could be percieved as being bossy, controlling and pushy.
Etiquette: It's old fashioned but some women do like the royal treatment given by a man, such as door opening, chair holding and even menu ordering, but might I make a suggestion, know your date real well before ordering her meal. Thank you for your interest in "how to be respectful of a woman's feelings".