Why women don't find "nice guys" sexy?

Question

I'm about to turn 34 & never had a gf & a virgin. I've told women I knew that I wanted to have a relationship with them, and I get the "I don't feel the chemistry". Now I'm very angry & bitter toward women. I've read things about why women don't find guys like me sexy. One is, we have no life outside of wanting to be with them. And yes, I NEED love and a woman to make me feel attractive, important, and so on. Other than that there isn't too much I care about. In my ideal relationship, both our worlds would revolve around each other. I'm very insecure and would never tire of the constant attention. I would love to have someone's world revolve around me, so I don't know why they wouldn't want the same from me. Also, they complain guys like me haven't "lived" very much. I have very little life experience compared to most guys my age. I always preferred to stay home and watch tv, play video games. But to me that means I'm innocent. And how could that be a bad thing?

Well I admit I feel like every guy just deserves to have a good-looking woman in his life to make him happy. So I'm not very concerned with what I "bring to the table".

Oh and people always tell me a woman can't make me feel important, attractive, etc and only I can do that. Well I would just like to not take other people's words for it but find out for myself if a good-looking woman doing what I want will make me feel good.

And if I sound like a 13 or 14 year old, maybe it's because I never really matured much beyond that age. But that's okay by me. Most people my age have had all these "adventures" and have all kinds of "cool" sounding stories to tell. But I bet many of those times were not so fun while they were going through them at the time. I'd rather experience nothing at all than experience anything uncomfortable or unpleasant. And again, I feel I'm a more moral person than them because I'm innocent.

Answer 1

I am going to be uncharacteristically harsh.

Have you ever been to "Heartless Bitches International?"

They have a lovely rant about "Nice Guys." See Source 1. It may actually be a pretty enlightening read.

I like alpha males. I like strong, confident men who know what they want out of life. Not aggressive jerks; assertive gentlemen who don't whine or ***** when life gives them an unfair shake. Not a guy who will let me cry on his shoulder while secretly hoping I'll ask him out while I say, "Why can't I find anyone?" Because the person I am looking for is not likely them.

Women TEND to prefer men who have experience, who look like they've been through some stuff, because they're the most likely to appeal to female drives that deal with attraction. You will also notice that a lot of girls who go for bad boys or guys who are wrong for them tend to whine about wanting a "nice guy," essentially, they're not being honest with themselves. I was told once by a very wise lady that strong women know EXACTLY what they want, and it isn't weak traits.

I'll use some bird biology here. A female bird will sleep with the choice male while the weak little male who she can get to care for her mixed brood isn't looking, because the stronger male's genes are likely better.

So, essentially, you need to grow a pair, get out and experience the world a bit. If you need a woman for you to love yourself, you're working in the wrong order. The fact that you need constant attention screams insecurity.

Answer 2

It's funny how this works, but I have always found that the things you want the most, so badly it hurts sometimes, are the things that you always get...when you STOP looking for them. I don't know why that is, and maybe it's just the way it works out for me, but try it.

The other thing is that you could try making yourself LESS available. By that, I mean that you don't have to be an @$$hole, but the same trick that works for a lot of women also works for men, too. Put yourself out there, and when someone approaches you and you manage to get something started, let them know that you're interested...but not TOO interested.

Human nature dictates that we all want that which we can't have the most. If you are scoping out the right women, they'll definitely become more than a little curious as to why a "nice" guy like you likes to have a relationship, but doesn't NEED to have it. That little touch of mystery gets 'em every time.

Answer 3

As a friend I am telling you get some counseling for your self esteem, and how to be more assertive, how to like yourself first, and how to feel attractive, and important and so on without a woman to confirm this for you. When you can go out into the world and display that YOU like who you are and that YOU feel sexy and important and worth loving...then you will attract women. Next...when you are with a woman...they don't want to be around you 24/7, you have an inapproprate vision of what a relationship is...your world should NEVER revolve around your partners...you should have lives separate AND together! You should have interests that are just for you and some you share together! Also, please tell me you don't live with your Mom....please say you don't...if you do...move out! Women want nice guys..but ones who are secure, and confident and active and who are self sufficient....no one wants a needy partner! No one wants to spend their every waking moment making sure you are happy. Women DON'T want a man who spends all their time watching TV and playing video games...how old are you again...15? Oh, um...34! Dude, wake up and smell the coffee....sorry to be so blunt, but you asked the question, I am giving you the answer...they don't ditch you cause you are a nice guy...they ditch you because you are a needy, insecure, little boy! When you grow up and take care of yourself and become a MAN, I promise you will attract a woman...but you need to deal with the "constant attention" thing, cause that won't happpen! Get a life of your own! (this all said with the best intentions).

Answer 4

I'm a woman... I find nice honest guys attractive. You know what the problem is? You need to get out more, have a strategy, and have fun in the dating game. You can't just sit on your butt playing video games in your room all the time and complain that you can't find a woman. II used to be a video game addict... Back then, I didn't care about any other people and my appearance didn't matter to me, but then, once I took a step outside to the society, I felt so out of place and that's how I realized what I must change. Sometimes you have to fit into the mold and then make adjustments... Okay, back to you not finding the right person. Like I said, try a new strategy and don't give up until the very end.

Answer 5

Personally I'm still looking for a nice guy. I keep finding guys who think of themselves as nice but are actually something else. But thats me...

I have lots of friends and associates who are looking for nice guys; however, we also want someone secure and not too emotionally demanding. I have been known to fall for shy types, but I try to draw the line between shy and insecure.

Before you get a woman to feel attracted to you, you have to find out what you have that makes you seem attractive and emphaze these things. It sounds like you attract women but they dont stay 4 a relationship. Did you ever ask what them problem was?

Dont give up hope. Theres someone perfect for you out there and she may even be around you now but she may be backing off because you seem frustrated and angry. A positive attitude attracts. A negative attitude repells. Nothings sexier than a man who's positive.

Answer 6

The fact that you ask these questions is the exact reason why women find you less than attractive. Most women want a man to at least have the guts to take a stand about something relating to the opposite sex, even if he's a nerd or an azzhole. Find some common ground, a hobby or sport that is coed and take it from there. They say there's somebody out there for everybody; maybe there's even hope for you!

Answer 7

I gotta tell you, women DO prefer an older man for MANY reasons. Sounds like you need to change your attitude, lower your pretentious standards, and start worrying about how you will treat the next gal you meet..not how shes going to treat you (at least not the first time you talk). Not only do you sound insecure, but also like you have pre-conceived ideas of the "ideal' woman. Wake up buddy...she doesnt exist. And yes, women DO find nice guys sexy. Just be yourself and get some confidence. It sounds like if you didnt wear starch in your shirt, youd fall down.

Answer 8

It sounds like you need to get out more. You need more male friends. I am sorry, but I wouldn't be attracted to a guy who doesn't have much self respect. Anyone who simply wants to hang out with their significant other all the time is too codependent. Maybe the book Codependent No More would be of some help to you. Yes, us females love nice guys (and virgins, too!). But childish, no.While you wait for your mate, why not try helping others?Self pity isn't at all attractive. I find helpfulness to be a very attractive quality in men. By helpful I mean someone who, for instance, volunteers for say Habitat for Humanity or at a nursing home or church. Get out more, be friendly with everyone, and in time I am sure you will find a wonderful woman.

Answer 9

You confuse "innocence" with being a bore. And women can be bored on their own without having Eeyore there to exacerbate it. Women like excitement the same way you like getting to the next level in Dungeons & Dragons. And though paradoxical, women -- who constantly need reassurance and acknowledgement -- don't like men who fawn all over them. That ain't sexy.

Women like a lot of things I have learned: to be made to laugh; to feel "safe"; to feel beautiful; some even need to feel "intelligent". Catering to these female needs can be achieved without kissing their butts.

Women probably sense subconsciously that most "nice guys" often turn into jealous, obsessive, over-protective pricks, just as most "hot chicks" usually turn into shallow, self-absorbed pain-in-the-*** princesses.

My advice is this: turn off the TV and the video games and use your anger to your advantage. Get out and "live a little"...for God's sake, if you can't find it in you to actually get out and DO SOMETHING INTERESTING, then at least be evolved enough to have the sense to make something up! Just make sure it is something outlandish that no one can refute (for example, don't tell them you were a Navy fighter pilot, because 9 times out of 10 some zipperhead next to you will either be a pilot, or know one...pick something totally random, like you once studied ant migration in Madagascar or something...ANYTHING, just make sure it is something they can't hear from one of their silly friends, or see in a sitcom). If you are intelligent, and understand how profoundly uncomplicated most women are, you will be able to use your anger as an edge.

ALSO: avoid all talk of any weakness or misery in your life; this will give them the upper hand and will ALWAYS be used against you by women, sooner or later. Adopt an attitude that shows that "having nothing to lose is better than having nothing at all". Ask every girl you find attractive if she wants to go home with you for a drink, and make a move on all of them. They'll either tell you to stop, in which case you obviously comply with their request (just send them packing as soon as possible and make them know by your scowling impatience that they have wasted your chances that night with someone else who might have been more accomodating), or they will go along with you.

But I have to tell you: I'm 41 and have had my fair share. You may just be better off without them. Lonely is better than miserable -- just ask 3/4 of the married guys you know.

Good luck in any case.

Answer 10

well,where ever you found that information, don't believe it. I would prefer to have a nice guy than a guy with good looks. I am someone who likes someone with a very good personality and is fun to be with. I could care less about his looks. They are unimportant to me. To me, looks are a lot about choices. And I don't think that men or women should be judged by those choices.But as we all know whereever we are in the world that is always going to be there.