Starting a relationship with my spiritual/intellectual soulmate that I share no passion with...?

Question

I found my soulmate about 5 years ago, but he's my soulmate in the sense that we connect on both a spiritual & intellectual level. He's the one person in this world that I feel comfortable sharing everything w/. He understands me more than I understand myself & there has always been that connection there. He plays a very important role in my life in that he's my confidant for all the problems, troubles & questions that I have and he shares in my happiness as well. He had once approached me to consider starting a relationship and I had rejected him based on not wanting to ruin my friendship w/ him. I have since been in a few short-term relationships and he moved away after graduating from university. We still talk on the phone long distance etc. As of late, we've begun discussing about relationships, futures, ideals etc. and he's approached me w/ the same question again. I can honestly say that I love him, but it's not passion, not romance, what should I do w/o jeopordizing it?

Answer 1

This is one of the most difficult questions to answer, because the answer has to come from your heart. You can love someone without being "in love" with them. You can share your inner thoughts and feelings with a parent, a friend, or a stranger, but I believe you'll find more happiness in keeping the friend and finding a love along the way. There is discovery in love that is usually absent from friendship, and I know that after 27 years of marriage, there are things I share with my friends that I would never share with my wife. Why? because there are some things a person needs to be able to share that should not be there between two lovers, no matter how much in love or honest they are with one another. You can't take back things you say to your lover, they are there forever, and no matter how much you think you know how they will react, there are things you'd like to get off your chest that are simply not worth the risk of spoiling a relationship. So, my recommendation would be to follow your heart, not your guilt. If you marry someone with whom you have no passion or intimate desire, you'll miss out on all the fire a true relationship brings to your life. The greatest rewards in life are found at the extremes, not in warm valleys.

Answer 2

What is your definition of passion and romance?

Is that something you read in a book or magazine or watched on TV. Are you expecting fireworks and a knight in shining armour to whisk you away??

The passion and romance bit lasts for a while, during the giddy with love phase, when you're getting to know each other. It can often get in the way of making rational decisions about a potential long term partner.

It changes though, if you've been with someone for a while the more mundane pressures of life and the daily grind tend to be pretty good at dampening your thirst for romance. The stress of work and family, sickness, children, that's when you need a dependable partner.

It seems to me that you have the most important ingredients needed to sustain a long term relationship already. You communicate well, understand each other, are on the same wavelength. I think you're just approaching this relationship from a different angle, you already know this guy, you've bypassed the first most difficult bit.

You don't know how lucky you are, most people search for a lifetime to find a 'soul mate' and have to endure many failed relationships in the process.

Answer 3

The soulmate factor is an excessively poetic thought, however in train it's idiotic. For essentially the most aspect, I suppose it engenders unrealistic expectancies from companions and relationships. Most positive relationships contain a few degree of compromise for incompatible trends. I additionally suppose that it's erroneous on the grounds that there are customarily hundreds of thousands of individuals any given character might be tremendously suitable with - plenty of this can be a subject of threat (proper situation, proper time form of factor).

Answer 4

but how can u love him in a way without passion and without romance? Maybe u should question urself i fu really do love him because if u do love him u should have the reaction of "OMG i will definately g out with him" in ur heart instead of jeopordizing about it.

Answer 5

In my opinion,you will ruin the friendship. Romance is something I believe is started then developed. Friendship is the same. I don't think there is much hope in going from friendship to romance.

Answer 6

go for it , you have built the house , you just have to move toward it , if you dont , someone else will , and you will kick yourself .. you know thats true to (so why are you asking us)