I am scarred to fall in love because of all these affairs I hear about. How can I change the way I think?

Question

I am a 25 year old virgin, and I have never been on a single date, out of fear that the women I date will cheat on me. I do know that everyone is capable of having affairs, even me. But I just do not want to fall in love with someone who is going to cheat on me, even as I said, everyone is capable of it, however, I just do not see myself doing something like that because of the way I feel about it.

As to all these affairs I hear about? I hear about them from my friends, my work colleagues, in news papers, and television chat shows. Basically I have given up on love, just to protect my heart from getting broken.

Answer 1

Hi,have you heard of the saying no pain no gain.Well that applies to courting.You have to take the rough with the smooth.One day you will meet some one & you will not be able to stop yourself from going out with them.If it ends then you will move on it is all part of the process believe me in the end it is worth it.Good Luck & never ever give up.

Answer 2

Read a little Maslow. His theory is you must have the downs to have the ups and always in the middle is no fun ever. People love each other and you will love many people many ways. You probably do now but don't realize it. The love you talk about is always changing and you have to work at it to keep a relationship. It doesn't just happen. As people age and grow, sometimes it is in a different direction and when those people stop working at it or become tempted by another and act on it, it's so bad if you're the one that is cheated on. You will find out your heart can take a lot of thumps and you will survive and grow and make better choices in the future. But to miss out on love would be the worst thing of all. There is nothing like it win, lose, or draw.

Answer 3

Unfortunately you can't do anything about it. Love seems to sort of sneak up on you and it doesn't matter how hard you try to avoid it when the right person comes along then its impossible to stop. The only way to make sure it can't happen to you is to never have any contact with the opposite sex and I'm assuming that's how you've managed to avoid it so far given that you're still a virgin at 25 and haven't even been on a date yet. If you ask me you've already got a tried and tested strategy for steering clear of love so you could just carry on doing what you've been doing for the rest of your life and die a lonely old virgin or you could stop being so bloody stupid and get some experience of what its like to be alive. Risk meeting people of the opposite sex and see if you find yourself falling in love at least you’ll know what it feels like and if not at least you'll have gotten laid before you die. If your really lucky you might not be alone at the end either, of course your right the chances are your gonna get hurt but if your going to limit your experience of life and try to avoid all the negatives then how will you know what it feels like to experience something positive. Living is by definition the experience of all things. You are not alive if you stop yourself experiencing as much as you can of everything that's on offer and if your existence is anything other than the pursuit of that well then you're just a waste of skin and you don't deserve to be have been given the opportunities that being alive offers.

Answer 4

If you worry so much about it now when you don't actually have a girlfriend then I am afraid you are heading for a big fall. Because if you spend your time obsessing about people cheating, then when a nice girl you like does come along and you are jealous and suspicious and possessive of her because you think she is "just like all the rest" - well think what effect that's going to have on her? Her own boyfriend has no faith in her, won't let her smile at another man let alone be friends with them etc etc. In that situation the first nice guy who comes along and does believe in her and thinks she has a good heart is going to sweep her off her feet. People need to be believed in and they need to be respected.
Yes people do cheat. I know plenty. I also know people who haven't. Ultimately, the people who cheat have major flaws in their relationships anyway, and whether they realise it or not both partners are not as happy as they could be. Relationships aren't fluffy fairytales, they need work, and a lot of it. Infidelity slips in when one or both partner stops working at keeping things fresh and good. So you - even as a single person - need to work on your attitude because the girl you find to be with you is going to find it very hurtful. AND if you presume everyone to be cheats then you will maybe feel less incentive to be faithful on that basis.
Life isn't painted in black and white, not all fluffy or disaster, good and evil; it's balance and hard work and struggling against emotions that threaten to run away with you. Changing the way you think it something that takes time and practice. Think of the people you know you haven't cheated. The ones who have cheated but worked through it and grew stronger as a couple. The people who did cheat, but both partners moved on and became happier. The cheating is not a cause it's a symptom, and it isn't an end, it's just another thing that makes emotional work. Oh and stop watching chat shows - they are depressing and EVERYONE on them cheats lol

Answer 5

Lol.. your a worry wort, you sound like my dad whinging about everything.. CUT IT!. some girls are just s*luts who cheat on everyone (if this ever did happen to you which i doubt, you'd be glad you'll find out this whilst dating because it wouldnt be that much of a loss), avoid them, you'll have the feeling she is a **** pretty quick, just go out with girls if you take one step at a time it doesnt matter if it doesnt work, its better to talk to a girl for an hour and find out if things are not going to work then to not to give it a go. its rare that you'll find the right girl first time round, just talk to them, be positive, be yourself, and live your life.

Usually girls dont cheat on there guys i asked this question on yahoo answers recently and you'd be astonished with all the girls who would think the same way you do hate the fact that they will be cheated on and would never do it. BUT GEEZ.. why let this get you down, you could walk outside and get hit by a bus, or get in a car accident doesnt mean you dont leave your house, you give it a go, expecting the best usually everything goes to plan other times some times very rarely lifes a s*lut. Get over it, you wuss. grab some balls and live your life.

Answer 6

Sometimes, you just have to let it go. Although there are people cheating that you hear about, it doesn't mean that the whole world will cheat on you! But it's best to know the person better than you know yourself before you get into an affair. It's usually if you don't understand the person that they may be cheating on you. Otherwise, you shouldn't be too paranoid about it because thethings you do in life ar just meant to be- there's always a reason!!

Answer 7

first of all... yikes! all the hate on Virgos?!?! As a Virgo, it all hit my heart a little. Ive met only a small handful of Virgos, mostly men, and yeah, they are an oddly confusing bunch when it comes to matters of the heart (or sex)... but Ive also had some horrible relationships in the past with many other signs too. Maybe its just me!? lol People are who they are, act as they feel accordingly to any situation, no matter their sign, their planetary alignment on the day of their birth has its part to play but its not the be all and end all of it... I guess many other factors such as upbringing and family can play a part also. Im having an issue with my man too, and yes, he is a Virgo and so am I... things between us have been amazing, but all of a sudden, he drove off and has disappeared, and that hurts, it hurts a helluva lot... im giving him space, but what i want to know is, how much space and time to give before it becomes a waste of time? I think he got scared of his feelings, and after being hurt in the past (yes, he has opened up to me on more than one occasion), who can blame him, but surely there comes a time in your life (he is 33) no matter your sign, when your inner voice tells you that playing games, running away and over thinking has become just wasteful and you realize you're only hurting yourself? To the original poster: I think perhaps after months have gone by, and nothing, you have to ask yourself, are you willing to wait another few months for nothing else to happen too? Move on, not to spite him for disappearing, but for yourself... make your life out to be what you want it to be, not what someone has dictated to you in any manner what they want your life to be. Stop waiting around for something that has already past you by, it was obviously his loss, since you have waited months now, you have shown your loyalty... go ahead and live for you, and if by some small chance he returns to your life, dont make space for him in yours, let him make it for you, and if that doesn't happen, then you've already distanced yourself from him and it wont feel like such a tragic loss again. I hope i helped a little, and someone who may be reading this can offer some insight into my question above too. Good luck!

Answer 8

Oh Honey---don't fear falling in love for fear she may cheat. There are no guarantees in life, especially in love. I have been cheated on and yes it is a killer when it happens, but life goes on and better things have come out of it. Don't sit back and wait, date, experience relationships both good and bad and learn from them. Get out there and get a girlfriend, if she cheats then she is not worth it , move on and get another. You may go thru several before 'ms right" comes along. Also , remember sex is not love, a true love you will fell deep in your heart.

Answer 9

Listen buddy...Sometimes you just gotta go for it and believe and trust in people. Of course people might screw you over. it's a risk! But you don't want to miss out on love and...the adventure of it and marriage. Just make good decisions, the right person will come, and when she does, you'll know it. Stuff like cheating and broken hearts happen, you just got to live though it and show em who's boss, and love generously. I hope you'll find love, I'm sorry if I don't help you...: but I hope i do ^-^peace

Answer 10

You have to try to fall in love with someone which can prove all your fear of the thing you read from newspaper,colleagues,friends and etc. are true or not! so if you try fall in love and if the women is only love your money and not you then you should be a single for your whole life