Problem with Mother In Law?

Question

I am married mother of 3 children, the first from a previous relationship and 2 from my now husband. My MIL has never been one to like me although we have tolerated each other. My hubbys brother got married 4 days after we did to a girl with a boy that is the same age as my oldest. They have 3 children too, one from her previous and 2 from my BIL. Now there are 2 step gchildren and 4 bio gchildren. My MIL constantly leaves my oldest child out. Always refering to BIL kids as her grandchildren and our children as a step Grandchild and two grandchildren. The last straw came a couple weekends ago she took my two youngest children and her other 3 grandchildren along with her other DIL and had pictures made of the 5 kids together, she never called and asked for my oldest. She didnt tell us that she done it. Someone just happened to see her there and told me about it. Now she thinks she didnt do anything wrong. How should I handle this? I dont want her around them if there is no fairness

I had to add that my husband was upset about this too and confronted her about it. He has raised my oldest since she was a baby and is he is her father even though not biologically. It is not that he wont say anything because he does. My MIL will completely ignore me when I am around with the kids and even goes as far as telling the kids to go ask their daddy even after I have plainly told them no. She pretends as though I am not even their mother. She has greeted my two youngest kids with kisses and hugs with my oldest standing right beside her and never once say a word to her. Not even bye. I am up to my eyeballs with this woman. I might add more later darnit...lol...I just get so upset over this I cant think straight

She has actually told me that she didnt like me. That doesnt bother me. If she doesnt like me thats fine but for her to take her hate out for me on my child ... now that bothers me. As far as getting us in the same room now..I dont think that would be a good idea. at least not right now. My husband does tell his mom about it but she just gets mad. Right now its been 3 or 4 weeks since they have seen the kids. She has called around 7 times and only talked to them, the two youngest, once. The other times we just didnt answer the phone or wouldnt let them talk. Thats more than usual, my husband works out of town and when hes gone she doesnt call or come by. ONly when he is here will she call. And if she does come over she never gets out of the car. they only live 3 miles down the road. Which makes it worse. i do believe that this "church going lady" is biting off more than she can chew.

Answer 1

Your failed to mention where your husband stand? If I were you I'd make him talk to his mother.

Answer 2

The biggest looser is your eldest. Kids aren't stupid and know how people respond to them. I hope it doesn't screw up her relationship with the other kids. A similar thing with my family. My daughter & SIL just put it on the line to his mum, all or nothing with his brother & sister backing him up. It didn't work as the silly lady just put on the happy face which was just an act. It all came down to the fact that daughter wouldn't be bossed around by her. D & SIL stopped his mum giving presents for the 2 bio because the eldest got mimimal. They haven't seen her now for over a year. The B&S told her she was wrong as well. She knows she's wrong but is she going to admitt it? No. Unless there is majic pill cure for someone being Pigheaded and Stupid there is no answer even if all the family rally against her. The ill feeling will always be there. Good that your Husband backs U up in this. A true family man. That's good.
In the end though it will be your family or her. Unfortunatly there are no winners. Some people are just natural fools.

Answer 3

The bottom line. You are not going to get her to treat all children the same. If your husband can't get her to stop you are not going to win this one. I think you are right to put a stop to this. I have cousins that were the children of a second marriage. My Aunt was a step mom to 4 and had 2 with her husband so 6 kids. They grew up hearing your kids my kids. My aunt was hard on her step children. Although it was unfair, the children now grown all hate each other. They are still divided. This was because who was treated and favor more. Please, see if your husband can explain that this is effecting the kids relationship and he is the dad regardless of who the sperm donor is.
If she can not respect it then I would keep her away. Let your child know that they did nothing wrong and Grandma is not being very nice. Kids know when someone dose not like them or makes believe.

Good luck to you and stay strong. Your being a good mom.

Answer 4

Your oldest probably does not feel special seeing the way your MIL treats her.
I do not have children yet but if I had and somebody, ANYBODY, did that to any of my children, that person would never see any of them again.

Cut her time with all of them. What she is doing is wrong and your oldest is suffering with that. She does not like you and takes revenge on your child, who is still learning how stupid people can be.

She thinks she is not doing anything wrong because your oldest is not really her grandchild, but she has to respect her and YOU! If she cannot understand that, just ignore her calls and she will be allowed to see the children only when she starts to respect you in front of your children and treat your oldest just like the anothers. End of story.

Answer 5

Just because she goes to church doesn't mean she has a christian sprit in her heart. This is so sad to hear that a grandparent evan a "christian" grandparent or MIL is being such a witch. See if your son can talk to her pastor or what about your Fatherin law. Tell the other kids to tell grany what they think of the problem. Have the older child ask your MIL what did he ever do to her to not make her love him. I feel for your family and pray things will work out .

Answer 6

Tell her if she can't treat them all equally, she can't spend time with them. The oldest is certainly aware of the difference in treatment.

As far as the oldest is concerned, if that child considers your husband to be his or her father, than it is only that much more hurtful, because they won't understand.

It's just sad that she would exclude the one child, even if she is not technically the grandma. Don't let her take the children out anymore unless she takes all of them. It can't be good for the self-esteem of the oldest.

Answer 7

I think that you ought to be mad and you ought to tell her hey i f you cant be fair to all of the children than you won't be fair to any of mine because you treat my child(The oldest) worse than the rest of them and you always leave him/her out and I'm tired of it you Need to stop and think about all of your grandchildren not just the blood kin ones . Then I would say and if you cant do that then I guess that none of use will be seeing you unless you start acting like you have some sense an treat them all the same because they are the same there is no difference in him/her and the rest of them. Then I would leave and say well when your ready to apologies to him/her and to me then you can call because not does it only heart me but it hearts him/her as well.

Answer 8

Your MIL sounds like mean spirited person. How does it make your oldest child feel? I think this comes close to emotional abuse. I wouldn't let her visit the other two outside of your presence, if she going to do things like the picture taking thing. You mentioned something about her being a church going lady. I can't help but wonder what her church teaches her.

Answer 9

Have you or your husband asked her why she behaves this way towards you and your oldest? If asked flat out, what is her response? I can think of nothing that would satisfy me though, her behaviour to your oldest is ridiculous. I would draw a big line in the sand and say its all of you or none. You, your hubby and all 3 of your kids are a package deal. She treats you all with respect or sees none. Your hubby will surely want to still see her( its his mom) but you dont have to allow your kids to be around her ( and you certainly dont either) . Enough is enough. good-luck.

Answer 10

Where is your husband in all this? He needs to tell his mother that your daughter is his daughter and if she ever does anything so underhanded and hateful again he will not allow her to see any of the children without supervision. Your MIL needs a good kick in the rear, what kind of a person hurts a child on purpose.

Answer 11

Let her be ignorant by herself. My boyfriend's mom is the same way. Talk to your husband about the issue and maybe he can talk some sense into her and let her know how the two of you feel. I don't think it's fair that she's doing this but some MILs can be some dumb and childish!