How do i help my friend, who has been seeing this man for 8 years. Ok, they have some problems, but a major one is that his three kids (18, 15, 12) do not like her. It is because she is very forward and says her opinion. And this was the first woman after Mom. She is not mean to them at all, she just does not sugar coat all of her interactions with them to get in good with them. Man has a second girlfriend now, who is sugar-coating everything. I really thinks he loves the first woman, but cannot stand the bad feelings in his house with his kids. I need advice for the first woman, my friend. She really loves him. She has had kids of her own, so it's not like she can't handle kids.
2007-06-15 16:12:06 · 18 answers · asked by csi7472 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is spot-on. His kids absolutely must come first in this.
2007-06-15 16:14:34 · answer #1 · answered by Pineapple Hat 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I can see her side and his side. I would never allow anyone around my children if there were issues of them not being liked. She is the adult and she should be able to handle it. His 18 year old will be gone, so it's only the 15 and 12 yr olds who matter. But dad can't have a wife who doesn't get along with his kids. My kids are my life and no man would ever come before them while they are young. If you have older kids, as mine are now, it wouldn't matter, they don't live here, but luckily they love my husband and he loves them. I don't think the first woman has a chance. Dad will stick up for his kids.
2007-06-15 16:16:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to hime about talking to his kids. I mean a real sit down where he can explain to his kids what his heart feels for your friend (the sirst woman.) Maybe the 18 yr old will understand and help the other two cut her some slack and see the light. Kids complicate things sometimes. Counselling may be even in order.
2007-06-15 16:16:19 · answer #3 · answered by mistista07 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I both agree that we would not let kids make the decision on who we would be with. Now if this guy was an abuser to the girlfriend or the kids that is a whole different ballgame.
Tell your friend to find a man who can carry his own not the kids.
2007-06-15 16:17:46 · answer #4 · answered by fin73 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am afraid that he kids take priority to a second wife. She should know that, having kids of her own. Now with another girlfriend in the picture...my advice would be to go another direction, and go on with her life with out this man. She has already wasted 8 years with him.
2007-06-15 16:17:55 · answer #5 · answered by wahoo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His children must come first. I was in a similar situation, my dad had a relationship with a woman for nine years right after the divorce on my parents. She was incredibly forward and lacked a maturnal bone in her body. We tried everything; family counseling, individual counseling, etc... It took my father nine years to realize that it wasn't going to work. Me and my sister tried to change but she wouldn't budge or work on fixing the relationship.
It sounds like it might be too late for her because there is another woman in the picture that he gets along with and the children get along with. But if they both want to try they should both go to counseling, and then go to family counseling with all the children. And go from there. Good luck.
2007-06-15 16:25:53 · answer #6 · answered by Sar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry kids come first. Children are children...they shouldn't be treated like adults (like your friend treats his kids). Children and teens are vulnerable...they need warmth and tenderness, not some hardcore honest, straightforward woman. It's OK to sugarcoat things for your children. Of course, you can't hide reality, but your friend seems very COLD even though she is nice. Nice doesn't mean comfort and security. That's what children want, someone who they can warm up to and visa versa.
Sorry, your friend is out...I hope for good... for the sake of the children.
2007-06-15 16:21:48 · answer #7 · answered by MCBC 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame those kids. Nobody wants a step mother that's a bi@tch. Why does she have to have such a bad as$ attitude. What does she have to prove. The kids are older so she doesn't have to act like that. If I was the dude I would have moved on to. Why marry someone like that. Your future would suck balls if you did.
2007-06-15 16:16:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He will have to find peace in this. Very difficult, been through it and its complicated. The kids may have to seek counseling, the kids probably are feeling multiple conflicting emotions. good luck
2007-06-15 16:17:41 · answer #9 · answered by mizzmel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like #1 could get a personality. Noone wants to be told "the way it is" all the time. How about she just trys to be nice every once in a while.
2007-06-15 16:16:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is not man enough to stand up to his children, If he really cared enough for her he would see that there is peace between the kids and girlfriend. She doesn't need the heartache. Hopefully, she will find someone who appreciates her enough to stand up for her.
2007-06-15 16:16:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋