Why does my friend keep dreaming about her ex-husband leaving her? This was 10 years ago and she is?

Question

happily married for nearly 8 years now. The dream always has the same theme, the uncertainty, the insecure feelings that were real then.She even dreamed she had remarried him and he left her again for the same woman. These dreams only started during the past few months.

Answer 1

Two possibilities come to mind: either her subconscious mind is alerting her to similarities between that relationship/trauma and a current situation (not necessarily that her present husband is going to leave her, but that one of her relationships bears the same sort of dysfunction her relationship with her ex did) or that she's cheating herself in some way.

My favorite theory of dream interpretation is that we are all the people and symbols in our dreams. So whatever characterizes her ex is an aspect of herself that is cheating her and causing abandonment.

If he was jealous, then her jealousy would be cheating her out of a relationship and leaving her lonely. It's whatever he symbolizes to _her_, so she's the only one who can say for sure.

Answer 2

Did something happen recently that reminded her or that was similar to her feelings ten years ago? Psychologists would call this an unresolved issue. She might also have unresolved anger at the other woman, that for some reason are arising now. Ask her to think back when she first started having the dreams and see if she can pinpoint anything that happened around that time that might have set it off. Also, in general, I don't think finding a new person--even if it is a good relationship--necessarily 'cures' feelings of insecurity one had in a prior relationship.

Answer 3

I went for years dreaming of things that were a long time ago. Like when I was in high school, I dreamed about middle school. When I was in college, I dreamed about high school. And after I remarried, I dreamed about my last marriage. It is weird how it was like my brain hadn't caught up.

I agree that the other people in our dreams really are ourselves. Maybe she is concerned she will leave, that something will go wrong and what is new and good will turn out otherwise like in her previous marriage.
Maybe a little insecure in the marriage going on right now. It could be for no reason but talking to her husband may help.

Answer 4

Just because something is 'over' doesn't mean that the emotional and psychological attachment to the person/event is over.

Just like an unexpected scent can instantly bring forth a memory so strong its like we are back there, any situation that has alot of strong emotions attached to it can only be one reference away from being brought up all over again.

The mind doesn't count 'time' as it applies to memories. That is because the impact of the event doesnt correspond to a 1 to 1 ratio. In other words, if someone beats you physically for 5 minutes, that necessarily can't be soothed away by someone stroking your hair or holding you in their arms for 5 minutes. It is not the lenght of time that affects one's memories and emotions, its the intensity.

Your friend is, in her own way, still 'married' to her past. That is why she dreamt that she had 'remarried' him, remarry in the sense of treating that experience as if it were happening in the here and now. For whatever reason, that experience has become the focal point of her life, and it is likely that although her present circumstances have changed (or not) she doesn't feel that the time since has altered her experience enough.

Her worldview is still based on matters of mistrust, and believing herself incapable of making 'good' choices. Part of what makes the nightmare so bad is that she is the one choosing to make the same mistakes, which is really her own insecurities trying to 'frighten' her into making good choices.

As for why they are starting again, it could be some seasonal anniversary is ressurecting them, or it could be any number of other triggers that have brought the experience up. Also, it could be that she is 'revisiting' the past to see how far she has come since then. Some dreams are 'evaluation' dreams, dreams where we put ourselves in past situations in order to gauge what progress, if any, we have made. It could be that the nightmares are saying that she has made alot of progress but still needs to do more work in order to get past it.

Answer 5

It could be that although she is now happily married to someone else, that she still has not found closure on that, and needs to find out why, or it could be that her ex-husband represents a quality she needs to let go of, something about her that affected that marriage,maybe a quality that affects her current marriage as well.... It could also be fears about whether the current marriage will ultimately work out, but she has transferred the fear on to the ex instead....

Answer 6

Texting lets you control the tone and establish what kind of conversation you want to have. Learn here https://tr.im/9Ppvf
This is probably the most important part. With texting, you can stop and think about what you want to say to your ex at each step of the way. Instead of reacting emotionally, you can take your time, figure out the right thing to say (I’ll give you most of it), and be strategic with your ex without saying something that you’ll regret.

Answer 7

The only thing is If a new woman has entered either his life or her life that she sees as a threat to her. That she thinks he will leave her for this other person.

Answer 8

something in her current waking life seems the same to her as what she felt at that time.

something is reminding her of that situation.

Answer 9

unfinished business....she is still not over the trauma