stagnant to say the least, we both love the house we built together and both want to remain living in it. but i don't have the feelings of love for her as i once did. should i end this relationship? so that she can move on w/ her life and i with mine, there is the possiility of turning our house into a two family home, minimum work. its the house site that we are attached to. i would like to remain friends just not lovers, i have not approached her on this, but i know she knows that my feelings have changed especially within the last few months.. i cant control myself i am not in love with her and our lives have changed over the years i would like to pursue other interest, meet other people. as it is now our routine is blah, and we do everything together, if she doesnt want to do something ie: take a day trip to a popular destination, we don't go..period!.. i need my freedom back, help what should i do.
2007-06-15 14:05:05 · 9 answers · asked by firstkiss 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Before you make a decision about breaking up your relationship you need to open up the communication channels between your long term partner and yourself. It is not uncommon for a long term relationship to 'slip' into 'routine. This can be due to having kids, work committments, focusing on a joint project etc. All of these external influences impact on the internal structure of a relationship IF the two people do not make time for each other. Compromise is integral for harmony, so talk about what is happening.
Questions I would ask if meeting you face to face are;
1/ How can you move on with your life if you are still connected by the property you have created together?
2/ Were you friends before becoming lovers?
3/ Is it possible to inject romance back into the relationship?
4/ Why did you compromise to the point you are now stating "I need my freedom back"?
5/ How is 'being in love' and loving someone different?
Freedom within a relationship is about pursuing your individual interests so you remain in touch with yourself and share this with your partner.
I wish you well and perhaps you could find a relationship counsellor to help you through this. Reason I say this is because I am hearing 'the house is finished' now what? Perhaps the relationship needs some renovations?
2007-06-15 14:23:54 · answer #1 · answered by sag_kat2chat 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Having purchased property together is almost as binding as having been married. I'm really not sure what the answer to this dilemma is. Is there any chance at all that you two could rekindle your passion for each other? Is she still in love with you? Twelve years is one hell of an investment in another person to just walk away from (not to mention the hassles of real estate ownership). Are you absolutely SURE you want to wnd this relationship? Is it possible that what you need is just some "YOU" time? (I guess what I'm asking is, is it possible to get what you really want without tearing apart everything else you've worked for and built together?) All couples go through slump times, but I've got to believe that having stayed together for twelve years there's got to be something special enough about her that's worth hanging on to. The mundane can make it difficult to see sometimes, but is it possible that it's there nonetheless? I think this question is bigger than this forum can adequately address, but I hope my questions to you have given you some food for much-needed thought. Good luck in whatever you decide.
2007-06-15 21:26:01 · answer #2 · answered by Captain S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk to her about what ur feeling and that some things need to change. Tell her ur not in love w/her anymore as harsh as it may seem, it will be even worse if u stay in the relationship and go and cheat on her b/c u feel nothing for her. Just be a man and tell her the truth. If u cheat it's the cowardly way of getting out of the relationship.
2007-06-15 21:14:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
12 years and a house is a big investment. but if you really feel that you just want to cut your losses then that means you must do so. and cleanly. I hope you don't have kids involved in this. but if you don't want to be with her staying in each others lives will just be a painful reminder of what you had/could have had.... you either need to completely sever all ties or fix your problems with her, anything less is an insult to the investment she's put into you
2007-06-15 21:12:10 · answer #4 · answered by asyle 5 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should watch the movie "The Break-up" It deals with the same problem. These two people break up but both refuse to leave their beautiful apartment in the city. They decide to make it into 2 apartments. In the end they end up selling it because it causes WAY to many problems.
You cant waste your life being unhappy!!! Its time to move on! You should talk it over with her...maybe she fells the same way...
Good luck
2007-06-15 21:13:42 · answer #5 · answered by lovepink17 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to talk to her about your feelings, about how you feel trapped. The BIGGEST diservice you could do her is not communicate. Talk to her with an open heart and mind, and listen to her with an open heart and mind, tell her to do the same.
Relationships fall apart if there is no communication, I have seen it first hand. Don't make any rash decisions just because you are simply "bored" with this relationship. Please try, because you did make each other very happy at one point.
TALK, TALK, TALK!
2007-06-15 21:13:13 · answer #6 · answered by quiet_hands 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes people change as well as other things in life ,you should let her know as soon as possible ,why wait an prolong things hurry up an get out there an be happy again,don't string her along misery doesn't deserve company
2007-06-15 21:14:55 · answer #7 · answered by martez j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BOTH of you take a break from each other. For a few weeks. See how that fits you both.
2007-06-15 21:09:10 · answer #8 · answered by SloBoMo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you married? It could be time.
2007-06-15 21:08:38 · answer #9 · answered by Yeknomboy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋