How do I break this run-on that I have?

Question

Okay , I have this paragraph, and I need to know what I can do to prevent it from running too long?

The purpose of creating a strong recreational center would be for the purpose of keeping money within the city by the city offering recreational services. A recreational center that offers excellent offerings such as arcade machines, a skating rink and party rooms, could deeply add to a recreation center’s demand. Also if a recreational center was able to add these attractions, to go along with services that are usually expected to go with a recreational center (such as a pool, work out facilities and multipurpose rooms, revenue that would have other wise gone to companies outside the city, would stay in the city.

Answer 1

You are making an argument, but you don't have a clear thesis (purpose) for your paragraph.

Try opening up with a sentence that clearly states your purpose.

The City of X should create a new type of recreational center in Y neighborhood. This type of investment would greatly benefit the city and the community.

Then you can begin listing your benefits.

By offering traditional services such as a pool and exercise facility, this recreation center could contribute to the physical health of the community. By adding in extras such as meeting rooms, arcade machines, a skating rink and party rooms, this center could contribute to the financial health of the community by keeping entertainment dollars the neighborhood so they may be reinvested into the community. This kind of facility would add to the value of the neighborhood and create a clue to hold the community together.

Something like that.

Answer 2

How about the following:

Two purposes of creating a vibrant recreational center are to provide a service for the community and to keep money within the city. A recreational center that includes excellent offerings-- such as arcade machines, a skating rink and party rooms-- could add to the demand for such a facility. These attractions (along with regularly expected services such as a pool, work-out facilities and multipurpose rooms) would earn revenue for the city that otherwise would go elsewhere.

Answer 3

I would write something like: The purpose of creating an attractive recreational center would be to raise and keep revenue within the city.A recreational center that offers a variety of activities such as arcade machines, a skating rink and multi purpose rooms along with a pool and work out facilities would raise much needed revenue and would be of great benefit to the community .
I hope I helped.

Answer 4

First search for redundant words, like purpose, I see it used over and over. You do this with rec center as well. What this does, when you replace the words with synonyms,is spice up you text, and become more concise. Focus! put related things like activities in one sentence and services in a second. Have a separate section for benefits. Ask yourself when writing "have I already mentioned this?