I am not sure if this is extreme anger or am I bordering on rage?

Question

Hi:
I very rarely become angry, I get really irritated and so on, but not usually anger. I will try to condense as much as possible...While hubby is gone more than week or 2 on business, I move back into my Grampa's (4 apartments) as part of my safety plan in case I become suicidal as I have in the past (I have a safety contract w/ doc's friends, family). The woman next door has been very close to me(on her part not mine) since I moved back. V-Day when I asked her b/f to come over I offered for financial reasons he could take something in my inventory and use as gift. She then accused me of sleeping with him Thingscomfortable then I offered to b/f to type invoice, HUGE blow out, names I cant repeat threats on my life etc... She has much of my stuff and also owes me money, she is refusing to give anything back. I came home to a note on my door she has nothing of mine...sew mach, brd mach, curtains, cookbks, aromatherapy bks, dishes, $1,500. I am so angry I just want to blow!!!

I have been kind and curteous, and will not let her know she bothers me. She has psych hx and completely meets criteria for paranoid schiz. My therapist saw her abt 4 times and discharged her from her care w/ advice to find therapist that could work with her. My therapist in between reading her lines agrees w/ Paraoid schiz. has been warning me for a year to be very careful of her because she can be very violent and dangerous. I have never been this angry and do not know how to handle it. She also tells people that I am Bipolar and bipolar people are violent and to stay away from me and to be afraid, also that I am so crazy that I need to be locked up for life. I don't know if this is anger or rage, but whatever it is, I don't know how to handle this because I have never felt this way before. Please help.

Answer 1

I don't know that there's any difference between extreme anger and rage. Are you using the words as if anger is something justified by circumstances and rage comes from within? Some might use the words that way, but I don't think that's a valid distinction. In my 35 years of being bipolar I don't think I've ever felt rage without some real justification for it. It's just that whatever this trait is that amplifies moods in me, it takes something that isn't that important and gives me rage far beyond what I need just to tell me that I don't like what's going on.

I got a lot of benefit from 12 steps, but one of the slogans from 12 steps that wasn't for me was, "How important is it?" because being bipolar there are so many things that feel like life and death for me, even though I know very well intellectually that this is not the case. So if I were in your situation my intellect might agree that another huge blowup, court case and however this paranoid woman would retaliate is not worth it, yet I'd still feel a lot of anger. But I might be a lot better tomorrow, and be able to give my intellect another shot at the problem then.

My experience is that I don't want to decide an issue when I feel anything like nostril snorting anger. There are very few things that can't be put off until tomorrow, and unless you're manic, one day can make a big difference. If you are hypomanic you want to get that under control first. You can still sue her later if you can prove the facts of the matter.

One thing I'm more prone to do now than I once was is to get help instead of making my intellect the only one who can analyze the situation. Even though this is a small claims sort of case, talk to a lawyer if you want to pursue a legal solution. Let his non-bipolar and experienced mind tell you what you're up against that way, if you can afford that.

The one thing you don't want is to have despair and frustration add to the anger. There is a solution to the problem. Maybe she will calm down and admit that she has some things of your after a while. For myself, I may not know what the solution is when something surprises me like this, but I know I don't want to act out of anger. I'm bipolar. My anger is not to be trusted. I've learned many times that if I endure what feels like a compelling anger one day, it may not be compelling at all the next day. So I wait. I think you need to find a way to do that also. Do you have an antipsychotic to take an extra dose of for that purpose? Obviously that's only if your doctor says to do that, but that's my safety net. I rarely need it. My lithium usually works well enough to let my mood fade. Then I can make a rational decision, though on something like this I would let others help me decide, too, people closer to the situation that any of us here are.

Answer 2

It sounds like you're both angry. I would suggest you step away from this situation. If you do anything, you could escalate it and make it very dangerous. Are these dishes worth your LIFE? Is it worth your grampa's life or your husbands? There are so many guns out there that this woman can be very dangerous to you and everyone you love if you pursue this matter.

If you still think it's worth it, you can contact a lawyer with a list of your things and ask him/her to write a letter requesting that the things she borrowed be returned. Or you can get the police involved. However, if she's nuts, you are risking your life over these things. Consider just letting it go.

Answer 3

You have every right to be angry. Processing this with your therapist is probably the best thing. If you pursue her legally, you may find closure but you will probably suffer more psychological pain and since you can get suicidal, it may not be worth the $1500. Just know that your anger is justified no matter what you choose to do, but don't let your anger hurt you. All the best.